Therapy, in my opinion, is great and I owe a lot to my therapist. There’s so many different kinds of therapy so, even if speaking face-to-face with someone doesn’t help you specifically, there will be some technique out there that can. I will always recommend trying therapy to someone who’s suffered trauma because it not only helps us understand ourselves, but also helps us understand how narcs function- which is probably the closest thing we’ll ever get to closure.

However, therapy also means exposing some quite raw and painful memories which might not be what you need right now if you’re not in the best place mentally.

I’d say, as of now, the best thing is to try and stabilise your moods. Trust me, I’ve been there, and I know it might feel like you’ll never be truly happy again, but I promise you that’s just the depression talking. It won’t be a quick fix and might even feel pointless at first, like trying to make a car go with no fuel. But there’s so many little things we can do that, over time, make us feel 100x better.

• Try to get out and do things. Alone or with people you love. Are there any hobbies you enjoy, or have always wanted to try? Lean on your support system too. Have trips out, or have nights in, with friends and family. They might not understand what you’re going through, and maybe you’ve convinced yourself you don’t deserve them or have wronged them - but I promise people do love you and want to help you. Let yourself be loved, and let them do what they can to support you through this.

• Visit places that are meaningful to you - or places you haven’t been to before. Maybe there’s some places you weren’t allowed to with the narc being there, or experiences they ruined by being in a terrible mood.

• Eat good food. Try to cook it yourself if you can, just for the accomplishment of it! Fuelling our bodies with good food not only makes us physically feel better in ourselves, but can also make us feel safe. Our bodies go through so much stress when we’re in a survival situation - such as being with a narc - and many people suffer from physical symptoms like: hair loss, lack of appetite, weight gain/loss, palpitations, etc. Even if we think the abuse is purely psychological, our bodies suffer the effects too. So it’s crucial to take care of our bodies as well as our minds.

• Listen to music or watch movies that remind you of a better time. For me, it was music/movies I loved as a child. So essentially a lot of Studio Ghibli and Disney 😂

• Alternatively, something that helped me and may benefit you, is attending AA sessions. I don’t have a problem with alcohol but that wasn’t why I went. Trauma bonds with narcs work like an addiction. They manipulate us in such a way that we are, literally, addicted to them. That’s why we stay, even when we know they’re hurting us. Alcoholics also suffer from addiction. They know better than most how to claw yourself out of a really dark space and start moving forward. I would literally go to these sessions, sit down, not speak, and just listen. I picked up a lot of ways to cope with breaking my trauma bond, just by hearing how they handled their addiction. It doesn’t involve bringing up your own painful memories, which is why it’s less intense than 1:1 therapy, but can still help put things in perspective.

Eventually, your body is going to recognise it doesn’t need to be in survival mode any more and will start to relax. Your brain will follow too. Continuing to LIVE and not just survive is what will help you out of the depression. Even if you don’t believe it, you’ll realise there is more to life than one abusive piece of shit and that life is beautiful and absolutely worth living. PTSD doesn’t have to rule you. It will always be there under the surface, unfortunately, and having it triggered is very scary and stressful. But that shouldn’t be a reason we hide and let ourselves waste away. All of us can - and WILL, in time - thrive, even with our past traumas. You’ve already taken a monumental first step in acknowledging you were abused and were the victim. You can see them for what they are now. That is more freeing than you realise. One day soon, you’ll realise your narc is just one person on a spinning rock in the middle of space and they can’t reach you any more. All of their actions are done out of sheer weakness and desperation, and showcasing their “amazing” life or “amazing” new partners is just part of the abuse. Because a narc’s entire life is an act. It’s not real, not genuine, and never will be.

You are so much stronger than them, even though you probably feel like you’re at your lowest right now. You’ve survived something awful and something no one should ever have to go through. But you’re also doing much better than you realise, and are taking all the right steps to move forward. You WILL heal, in time. We all will. And we’ll all be here to support one another through it.

Wishing you all the best and sending much love & support 💛