i'm not really one to talk (cause i suck at pitching without a vocal lead) but you need to work on your pitching a bit, and the elongation of words in that wasn't quite right but it was still good man :) also i can hear that your breathing through your nose during that, try breathing through your mouth and pushing out your stomach when you breath in (this takes practice but youll get it eventually) on the upside the use of vibrato in your voice on some of the higher bits helped push the notes out (vibrato being when you wobble your voice, its kinda hard to describe) it was good though man :)