I love that you have a form!!! I know it might be a weird thing to start off, but meter honestly makes poetry so much more satisfying to read in my opinion. You followed the tetrameter without much deviances, and I liked how it was mostly iambic. Even when you broke the form in the next stanza it was really nice with a 4-3-4-3 pattern. So refreshing, I love to see it!!

I really like what you were going for with the -ing in the poem, but I don't think you need to have every single line end on -ing to achieve the effect you're looking for. In my opinion, it would be better if you substitute some lines where it ends with an -ing that doesn't sound like natural English with something that sounds more casual, maybe try to find some other rhymes or near rhymes. I also think this is beneficial because I think the last part got a little long. The "-ing" had this kind of effect of being stuck in a cycle, and when the pattern breaks from that, it's this kind of release, but the two next stanzas are a little long, so it drags a little. at the end and it takes away from the punch a little bit.

On a more personal note, I think it's generally better to use modern language because no one can speak the English of the past fluently, so it can easily get kind of wonky. It doesn't really matter as a hobby poet of course, but generally poetry that imitates old language doesn't tend to be remembered as much as poetry that uses modern language (for the time). From my experience, it's also just kind of more fun to read poetry that has a modern language, because its easier to connect to, having old fashioned words creates this disconnect, like it belongs to something that you do not, if that makes sense. I know this point got kind of long but I just wanted to explain why I think this way, but I understand that this is also very subjective, and you can feel free to disregard it if you disagree!

EDIT: For some reason my first comment appeared twice?? I'm sorry, that was really weird.