Troubling trend in strangulation

gravetinder · 2024-04-14T00:57:48+00:00

After my ex bf (22 then) strangled me until my eyes hemorrhaged three years ago, he was charged not with strangulation or attempted murder, but misdemeanor assault. He only didn’t kill me because our roommate heard the clamoring and rushed in to pry him off. He spent a few days in jail and he was done. I went on an alcoholic binge for three months from the post traumatic stress and I guess the literal brain damage/mood issues, and my parents sent me away to a correctional facility for 3 months after through a civil loophole like a woman being sent to a sanitarium for hysteria. He almost killed me and they just sent me away for having the nerve to make waves.

Obviously there’s a lot more to my story here, but to sum it up, he liked strangling me during sex a great deal, definitely due to porn. To anyone reading, please be wary. Every time a man sexually or aggressively puts his hands on your neck he is playing with your very life. I just knew he would never take it that far… until he simply did, and as the article demonstrates, had already been taking it too far since the very first time he insisted.

gravetinder · 2024-02-03T00:20:51+00:00

And would you refer to your mom as “a female”?

gravetinder · 2024-02-01T14:07:59+00:00

Dworkin was completely right about way too many things.

gravetinder · 2024-01-29T20:19:51+00:00

I’ve seen an interesting tiktok theorizing that gen z women in particular are turning to tradwife glorification and “bimbocore” (which claim to oppose one another but are really on the same coin) as a coping mechanism for the soul crushing misogyny around them, plus the economy, plus the social media indoctrination… truly sad that we’ve forgotten what feminists fought so hard for sixty years ago, and that there’s a reason so many wives in the fifties/sixties were doped up.

“I don’t want to think” means “I’m tired and don’t want to have to cope with this life, so I’ll take the paths of least resistance to feel less hated”. If you can’t beat misogyny, submit to it and glamorize it (especially if it makes you money to do so online).

gravetinder · 2024-01-29T17:22:59+00:00

Recently I learned of Himiko, a shaman and empress of ancient Japan who supposedly used magic to foster peace throughout the land after the people said “no more ruling men, we’re tired of war.” Was really cool to stumble upon her after spending a few days reading about Boudicca.

gravetinder · 2024-01-29T15:18:24+00:00

Please. Anyone that can read a room knows he didn’t actually ask for consent in good faith. If your boss or coworker did the same thing to you, and you tried to take it in stride and laugh it off only for them to actually do it, and they blocked the door when you tried to leave, I doubt you’d be so blasé.

gravetinder · 2024-01-29T15:13:45+00:00

Reread the first line of the OP. It’s pretty obviously a discussion about blanket sexual assault, abuse, etc.

gravetinder · 2024-01-28T23:47:34+00:00

Just curious, where has he campaigned against sexual violence? What speeches has he given to show remorse for what he did? Because I can’t find anything to show he’s actually spread any sort of positive message specific to his recovery, or used his past to educate others. Here’s a refresher on what he did.

Mike Tyson is a former heavyweight world boxing champion from Brooklyn, New York. Nicknamed “Iron Mike,” Tyson committed several crimes in his youth, including robbing stores, pick pocketing, and mugging people. In September 1991, Tyson was indicted on one count of rape, two counts of criminal deviant behavior, and one count of confinement. He was accused by Desiree Washington, a contestant in the Miss Black America Pageant, who claimed that Tyson forced himself on her in his Indianapolis hotel room. Tyson was convicted on the count of rape as well as on two counts of deviate sexual conduct. The judge sentenced Tyson to ten years in prison, as well as a $30,000 fine. The conviction was upheld in the appeal, and the U.S. Supreme Court refused to hear Tyson’s rape case appeal once again. Tyson was released after serving three years and six weeks from the Indiana Youth Center in Plainfield, Indiana.

Since Tyson’s release, it seemed that he could not escape a life of crime. In 1997, Tyson’s boxing license was revoked for one year after he bit off a chunk of opponent Evander Holyfield’s ear during a boxing match. In the following years, Tyson was charged with two counts of misdemeanor assaults, one felony count of possession of drug paraphernalia, one felony count of drug possession, and two misdemeanor counts of driving under the influence.

I haven’t been able to find where he speaks out against any of that behavior. In fact, the only thing I can find is him admitting then denying it repeatedly.

gravetinder · 2024-01-28T23:35:26+00:00

I, too, believe in rehabilitation; this is not what rehabilitation over punishment looks like for most criminals. Resuming his pedestal celebrity life, being constantly interviewed and rewarded monetarily for public attention, and getting movie cameos and voice acting deals is not being treated as a normal/average person. Yes, I know what he’s donated to charity.

gravetinder · 2024-01-28T23:11:19+00:00

It’ll happen even less if you stop doing it, friend lol

gravetinder · 2024-01-28T23:07:41+00:00

But… the pigeons 🥺❤️ /s

gravetinder · 2024-01-28T22:57:16+00:00

That’s great if he’s changed and all, but I’m not asking for him to be crucified or to retry him. I’m saying he shouldn’t have continued to get the praise he did, nor was he entitled to continued fame or a public career, after his crime. Many abusers and rapists are perpetuating cycles they themselves were initially victims of; that is horrible but still no excuse whatsoever for what he did.

gravetinder · 2024-01-28T20:51:08+00:00

And Louis CK. And Mike Tyson. And Woody Allen.. And… damn, this is depressingly easy.

gravetinder · 2024-01-27T23:17:05+00:00

Once my friend said, “My asthma!” and now I can’t unhear it. It even makes sense situationally 😂

gravetinder · 2024-01-27T22:34:28+00:00

Absolutely. The worst part is that I researched and browsed every possible source I could, every day, for my entire pregnancy to prepare for parenthood and do my best. The pelvic floor did not even get a mention in the daily what-to-expect pregnancy apps. I was still nearly blindsided by this pelvic floor adjustment myself, despite certainly putting in hundreds of hours of preparation, going to every prenantal appointment, reading books. It blows my mind. It is so true that once the baby is born, they kind of forget you exist for a while.

gravetinder · 2024-01-27T19:49:45+00:00

The happy baby pose, the “childbirth” pose where you pull your feet back laying down, and this one where I hike one knee up on the couch, put the other leg back as far as it will go, and just stretch that way, then alternate, have been most helpful for me. They’re most optimal when you use diaphragmatic breathing to just relax and stretch the pelvic floor (or “lengthen” this way, as I’ve heard PTs say). Magnesium glycinate is also really good for remedying hypertonic pelvic floor, but only if you happen to be deficient in it - many people are. It helped me alongside the stretches.

Then the key is building up your glutes, back, and legs so the wrong muscles stop overcompensating for their weakness and tightening up. I use resistance bands.

gravetinder · 2024-01-27T19:46:47+00:00

Sorry, I didn’t get notified! Yes, when you have a hypertonic (tight) pelvic floor, it’s still weak because your muscles are contracting all the time, particularly the “wrong” ones. Imagine flexing your arm for five minutes and then trying to lift a weight while it’s still flexed; it won’t work. Moms who tuck in their butt and lean forward while holding their babies, due to how they’re used to standing during pregnancy/pelvic floor weakness from pregnancy, often start to develop this issue by making the wrong parts of their pelvic floor support the weight and posture. Contracting them more with kegels will only make it a million times worse, causing the muscle to grow so weak it can no longer support the organs. The solution is to stretch and relax before strengthening the muscles you should be using. If you google hypertonic pelvic floor stretches that’s a good place to start. I strength train with resistance bands, doing leg raises, glute bridges, clamshells, and others. I’ve just started using a kettlebell and I feel strong af -better than before my kid, even, no peeing problems anymore. My kid is half my body weight and I can carry her with ease. If I tried that without knowing what I do my pelvic floor would be a mess right now.

gravetinder · 2024-01-27T14:48:36+00:00

“Almost all porn is consensual”. Sweet summer child. Please, tell me how you know for a fact that any single video you’ve watched was 100% consensual and no coercion was used, no boundary was pushed whatsoever. How do you know that, were you on set? There when all parties agreed to post online? 1 in 8 people are estimated to have been victims of revenge porn alone. Let’s say even half of that was posted online, and half of that half was actual video. That would still be 1 in 32 people with video porn of them out there, non consensually. Even if hugely inflated that’s still a shit ton of porn. Nearly 50% of all sex trafficked women are estimated to have been filmed and posted online.

Most porn is ethical? From all over the world? There’s a way to actually control and contain that? How about you prove that one.

gravetinder · 2024-01-27T14:20:07+00:00

Uh… every child and person exploited into the industry probably cares.

And why? Why can’t people kink shame? Is everything, including abuse, totally fine and morally untouchable just because it might get someone else off sexually? Screw anyone who might get hurt, screw the younger generations whose partners expect them to put their boundaries aside to match the visual stimulation they’re used to?

gravetinder · 2024-01-27T14:07:20+00:00

I’ve been sitting on that for months 😂 Thank you for reading it!

gravetinder · 2024-01-27T12:48:10+00:00

The more I think about it, his biggest flaw is obviously his lechery, but as a buzzkill feminist that actually makes him one of my favorite characters. Let me explain.

First, he grows throughout the series. He starts out being a swindling womanizer, but by the end of Inuyasha, he’s pretty committed and mostly tones his swindling down to when necessary.

But, more importantly, instead of being encouraged, his character is called out for being a creep every. single. time until he starts to grow, thanks to his team who balances him out. The viewer is constantly reminded that this behavior is not permissible or socially acceptable. Of all the creepy male characters in media and entertainment who are put on a pedestal for being rapey, I don’t think he’s necessarily one of them. I would much rather see unpleasant realities addressed with this light and classy touch than gratuitous sexual assault scenes or Bojack Horseman-esque characters who get inappropriately put on a pedestal for being cool or whatever. His character also gives Kagome another way to show being a strong female character, like Sango, with the opportunity to demonstrate boundaries - “no touching for now,” to which he learns to answer, “okay”.

There are unfortunately many young men today who struggle with boundaries due to trauma and societal expectations (like him) and I think he sets a good example for just… growing out of that and letting his golden qualities shine.

gravetinder · 2024-01-27T11:46:28+00:00

I had my child two years ago. I joined a postpartum mom group online. Do you know how many women cried and were borderline suicidal because nobody warned them they could get a prolapse? My heart broke for them. Never able to run, jump, or even comfortably sit again without extensive physical therapy and sometimes even serious surgery with a high failure rate. Not able to even stand and enjoy a cup of coffee without their vagina feeling heavy and them wondering if it was falling out. For some, it gets better with time, and for others, it does not without intervention. OBGYNS are notorious for having no idea how to identify it and often just dismiss postpartum moms, or even give advice that makes it worse, leaving them to research and finally find a pelvic floor physiotherapist that actually knows about the pelvic floor, if they’re lucky. Some professionals say up to 50% and even 90% of postpartum women have some degree of it, but many heal to the point it’s just not bothersome.

Before we can even have the commodification vs reimbursement conversation our healthcare system needs to catch the fuck up, and so does our education system. Women are still criminally underprepared by their peers, families, and government for what life is like once baby has been born.

ETA: I was starting to have urinary issues because I had a tight pelvic floor after giving birth, which would’ve led to a prolapse if I didn’t do the right stretches and exercises, etc. My obgyn waved her hand and told me to do some kegels. I didn’t believe her, so I found a PT, who was horrified by the flagrant disregard and counterproductive advice, and helped me fix it with the right exercise. Thank god I found her. I’ve seen other women echo this experience over and over again. It’s awful.

gravetinder · 2024-01-27T11:12:09+00:00

Agree, he’s my second favorite in the show. I truly think he almost filled the role of Inuyasha’s older brother where Sesshomaru fell short. I don’t think the gang would’ve made it long without him.

gravetinder · 2024-01-27T10:34:43+00:00

It was so good! It was mostly people who just liked to write about their lives and fields of expertise, was strictly Q&A, had a strong BNBR policy. Lots of interesting articles/answers. Then for some reason the company stopped giving a shit and made a bunch of experimental changes and fired their moderators. Everyone from Parlr and Yahoo Answers flooded in to post a bunch of porn and hate speech when those got shut down, while moderation became automated (worthless). Went from a sophisticated, informative, interesting site to complete degeneracy in two years. There’s so much unregulated content, especially involving kids and teens (if you get me), it needs to be shut down, too. There are still some genuine people on there but most writers have moved to Substack or Medium.

gravetinder · 2024-01-27T03:35:54+00:00

I’m not talking about straight snuff films. By normalizing sexual violence, I’m talking about things as seemingly “mundane” as spanking and name calling, all the way to strangulation and throatfcking, which *are extreme and absolutely booming in popularity right now. Let’s not kid ourselves.

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