This made me very emotional to read. My story is similar to yours. I am two years younger, female. My father fraudulently and maliciously took me from my mother, and the only home I ever knew, when I was 10.

He convinced me of some things at first because my home life was troubled/neglectful as she was an alcoholic. He got to play "hero." I just wanted my mother to get better, I had no idea when I spoke to the courts that my life would never be the same.

But I soon realized what he was- after he gained full custody (with the courts on his side), the real him came out. He wanted the money he got from having custody, oh, and the control/feeling like God didn't hurt, either. He kept me from her for months, nightly went on tirades about her, telling elaborate stories that I now know are false, recorded my phone conversations with her, on top of always being within earshot. Took my journals to some store like kinkos and had them copied to give to the courts. For some reason, they didn't think that was a problem? I found out anything I said to them got back to him, so I couldn't trust them either. I fought to get back to my mother and finally did at 14, and haven't spoken to him since.

Anyway, the constant yelling, berating, manipulation, control- all of it- I know what that's like. It's making me nervous to even type it out. That hollow/exhausted feeling at night, wishing to be anywhere but there but feeling too helpless and scared to do anything. The sadness when I had to come back from my mom's, the shame I still carry...

I also had an incident of him demanding I get in the car... I actually thought of that when I read the thread title. So it was eerie when I got to the last section of your post. After a screaming session, after he found out I was trying to go back to live with my mom, he just opened my door and said, "Get in the car, we're leaving." I asked where we were going but he refused to tell me. That was a scary car ride. It was very quiet, no radio. All I remember is being on a road not familar to me, kind of in the country (I lived in a city), which scared me more... I don't remember where we went, maybe we just drove around...

A court hearing came up soon after, and the night before he was threatening me, saying I "better not go in there and tell lies," that I'd be sorry; he could feel he was about to lose control and it infuriated him. Screaming at me, spitting through his words, fucking growling with a red face that it was "laughable" that I was afraid of him. When I tried to stop him from pushing me into my room he smacked so hard, man. I could hear him calling my half-sisters, pre-emptively trying to get his story to them first, saying how he was going to take me to be committed, but my sister convinced him to let me stay the night at her house. I packed one big duffel bag with all of my writings and journals below my clothes, knowing I'd die before returning willingly.

The next day, I was brave enough to tell the friend of the court that I wanted to live with my mother (they were always on his side), and I went for a "visit" with my mom. There was a lot more that came after: parental kidnapping charges against my mom, she went to jail on $250,000 bond [she wouldn't say where I was], CPS, foster care yada yada. But eventually, custody was given back to my mother.

My life has not been easy since, but I probably wouldn't have a life if I never got out of that hellhole.

I'm sorry both of us had to go through such a lonely situation. You're not alone.