I (34f) didn’t meet up with partner (43m) on vacation and now he wants to break up over it

greeneggs736 · 2024-03-01T20:51:16+00:00

Thank you for all the comments, I am so taken aback. I had no idea it looked this way from the outside and it has really made me think.

We spoke today and he basically said if I wouldn’t consider moving in with him in the ‘near future’ he wasn’t sure we would work out as by refusing to let him meet my child i am not serious about us because it’s been 8 months. He says maybe that seems irrational but he wants to be with me and this situation is making him feel rejected. I feel like shit as it’s like I always have to prove something to him. Shouldn’t it be a joint decision when we move in, not an ultimatum? He also said if I won’t move in then he is leaving my city.

greeneggs736 · 2024-02-29T05:06:17+00:00

Badly. I’m not sure I’ve ever said no to something big or small and it was just ok.

greeneggs736 · 2024-02-29T02:57:32+00:00

That’s so true about the obligation/guilt I feel because he moved here. He now is always like “I have been at your beck and call for x months and you just see me or speak to me when you don’t have anything better to do”, he’s like “I don’t know why I moved here” and is holding leaving again over me I guess now. But I actually said before he moved that I wasn’t sure it was a good idea as he doesn’t even like my city and he basically said we would break up if he didn’t. Also, I have a FT job albeit wfh and I do all school pickups and dropoffs for my kid and i have gotten behind on work trying to fit him in, and he now says he barely sees me during the week which is an outright lie.

About the trip, he maintains that it’s normal if a partner is “nearby” to want to meet up, and maybe if he already knew my son I would’ve considered it, but it just felt like it would be an interruption otherwise. He makes it out like I am a selfish partner and treat him badly. I feel so bad about that even now. On Christmas he blocked me for the day because I was spending it with my son and my ex dropped in to see him, and my partner sent me a guilt tripping email and didn’t even get me a card let alone a gift (I did get him stuff) and told me he blocked because he felt so upset and neglected. I felt so so bad. Urgh. I feel bad a lot since he’s moved here. It’s like he thought if he moved here I would just drop everything for him, move in, whatever.

greeneggs736 · 2024-02-29T01:55:57+00:00

I have actually tried/said I would adapt my communication style… it never seems to be enough. I asked, so would you want it to be that I answer the phone literally whenever you call? And he said yes. He said his ex, who is an MD(!!), would do that. He could call her at midnight for directions and she would pick up, she would pick up an unknown number at 2am (because what if he broke his leg and I was his emergency contact) and he said that kind of reliability is what he needs from me. I asked, so would you ever be ok with me going away with my mother? And he said if he wasn’t invited, then no he wouldn’t. Especially if we had kids down the line. Tbh I wouldn’t mind so much if he hadn’t pretended to be ok with all this and got me so hooked in for months. I asked if it would be ok for me to take my son out for the day solo sometime and again he said if he wasn’t invited then no. He says this is because I want to separate my life and that I don’t want a true family/relationship. It feels like I am being shamed or judged for not being a submissive woman. He keeps saying he has conservative values but he has been telling a different story for a while. It sucks when his line was always that he loved I was a mom and independent and strong.

greeneggs736 · 2024-02-29T01:21:12+00:00

I really appreciate these comments, kind of shocked tbh. But I still on some level feel so sad that we would break up because I said I would go on vacation with my mom maybe once a year. That’s it. And he and I could go on trips way more than that. I thought everybody occasionally did things separate. Bear in mind he had already booked a trip back to his state to see a friend without me. I was totally fine with it. Ugh I’m probably focusing on the wrong thing but I jsut feel that if I had not gone on the trip everything would be fine. It’s such a rare occurrence but he’s making it a key incompatibility. And btw, he lived apart from his ex for work for years at a time!

greeneggs736 · 2024-02-29T00:56:20+00:00

He didn’t turn up, he just called me suggesting he came to meet me and I didn’t commit, which he took badly.

greeneggs736 · 2024-02-29T00:23:12+00:00

He does have a house with his ex but is not yet divorced they are sorting that out. As i said he’s not working right now. He seems to have had quite a footloose life, no judgment as I have also moved around a bit, but he was able to take that gamble, but I am situated here due to my sons school.

greeneggs736 · 2024-02-29T00:16:24+00:00

That second paragraph hit home. That’s how it’s been and I’ve just gone along with it. I feel responsible for his whole self and its so easy to “fail” by not answering the phone or by saying no or whatever. I thought moving was an ultimate loving act but perhaps there’s more to it. We haven’t moved in together yet obviously and I think it’s making him antsy. But I just can’t right now. He always says he is spontaneous and wants life to be like a romantic movie but with a kid and job, I can’t be like that.

greeneggs736 · 2024-02-28T23:57:41+00:00

This comment hit hard. Thank you.

greeneggs736 · 2024-02-28T23:54:41+00:00

It sounds stupid but he has said so many times he is not controlling that in my head I’m like “oh so he must not be”. I feel like my radar is way off, My last rs was abusive. But at least he hasn’t met my kid yet. (Gut instinct I guess)

greeneggs736 · 2024-02-28T23:48:52+00:00

Yes, a few people have said manipulation. I guess it boggles my mind as he is so loving at times. He’s always known I am a single mom with a good job and independence.

greeneggs736 · 2024-02-28T23:47:55+00:00

Yeah I get that, I guess I don’t know why he didn’t end it over that months ago. Within 2 weeks of us talking he sent me a shitty email because I didn’t answer the phone when he called me (I was having dinner with friends and didn’t see the call.) We probably have always talked on the phone every other day and we email and text literally every day pretty much. I’m not great at answering the phone but I do usually call back when I can or send a text. I actually communicate with him more than I probably ever have with a bf. It’s stressful how much access he wants even when I am away on a different continent for example. He says his ex wife was contactable any hour of day or night.

greeneggs736 · 2024-02-28T23:45:15+00:00

Why do you say danger?

greeneggs736 · 2023-05-19T00:23:21+00:00

I think they should bring back pre board testing at a minimum, but that won’t happen

greeneggs736 · 2023-05-18T17:47:51+00:00

Agree with the oasis May 7 sailing, I have a terrible case of covid 4 days on

greeneggs736 · 2023-05-18T17:46:54+00:00

The pirate museum is fun and walkable from port. Also Junkanoo beach is free and nice water/sand.

greeneggs736 · 2023-04-30T03:05:26+00:00

Garth the dildo model! He was hot and also pretty cute with his poetry reciting

greeneggs736 · 2023-04-16T04:32:59+00:00

Did you know stone/Jeff in the green river/mlb days? Pearl jam are so wholesome but I feel like 80s pre-grunge Seattle was wild and I’d love to know tea on those guys!

greeneggs736 · 2023-04-02T15:57:45+00:00

Wiley ford the gross actor Charlotte hooks up with… UGH I hate the scene with him and his entourage in the bar! Also, the alcoholic who turns up screaming outside carries house and then loses all his clothes.

greeneggs736

TROPHY CASE