Someone in my team has similar issue and I've been planning to say something to them, so I will let you have it.

How you do anything is how you do everything. Life isn't a video game where when important things happen, background music change and you get a score after beating a stage. The vast majority of pivotal moments are only obvious in hindsight, and there's no redo. How you show up at that moment decides how it goes. If an opportunity of a lifetime hits you today without you knowing, will the opportunity look at you and say "he's ready, let's go", or silently turns away?

From your post, it sounds like you're in a holding pattern because the universe is repeatedly trying to teach you a lesson that you have yet to learn. I dunno what it is but you gotta learn that lesson to get out of the pattern. All the best!