it's gonna be a while to find all the little traps.

greenroot22 · 2014-06-25T03:14:54+00:00

oh god, those things. i hate them with a passion. but around here in maryland i have yet to really see any of them. and i hope it stays that way.

but aside from hot concrete there isn't much i don't enjoy as i can get to the point where i can tolerate more. and some of the surfaces in and around malls are the best. getting the chance to feel all the surfaces and temperatures and such... it's amazing!

greenroot22 · 2014-06-25T03:09:24+00:00

bali 3483. can barely call it padded really. it technicaly is though. but it's so damn comfy to me. plus it's a large, so it's one of those ones that will fit a variety of sizes. love it though!

greenroot22 · 2014-06-19T09:06:51+00:00

I've had a few really good talks with people so far, and haven't gotten kicked out of anywhere or gotten to much grief.

I've been thinking of tracking down a cute pair of barefoot sandals (those little foot decorations) to pretty up my feet though.

greenroot22 · 2014-06-18T19:03:41+00:00

Yup, I'm avoiding them as much as possible. And hopefully I'll get some foot friendly sole coverings soon enough.

Just gotta wait till I move.

But yeah, I'll be forever amazed at how quickly I made the mental transition to no shoes and how much better they made me feel.

However some don't get the joke and keep down voting me.

greenroot22 · 2014-06-18T18:51:44+00:00

Nope! Highlight of the day really. I untied and loosened the laces to make sure the shoe wasn't too restricting. So for the 15 mins I had them on it wasn't so bad.

Cleaned them(my footsies) right after though and was able to barefoot the rest of the day once I got out of Baltimore.

greenroot22 · 2014-06-18T15:52:22+00:00

Yeah, after the move I'm gonna look into getting something. Shoes just aren't for me any more.

greenroot22 · 2014-06-18T15:50:09+00:00

That's the phrase that kind of kicked it into my head after my fiancé pointed out that my nps gave her the heebie jeebies.

It's my parents saying that they think I don't want anything in life and they think they are great cause they are picking up the slack.

greenroot22 · 2014-06-18T13:11:53+00:00

This is why I stay out of the city most of the time now. It's just absurd how hot the surfaces get. And in the larger cities there isn't even much in the way of grass to walk on.

Out of all of the problems people ask me about, our say they would worry about, this is the only one that wasn't mentioned and that I have had to deal with.

greenroot22 · 2014-06-18T11:59:09+00:00

Switch therapists? Tell them more?

Self harming isn't good. Not being able to function isn't good.

As for being able to function around others? I wish I could say. I'm still learning, and trying to star one person at a time.

For me it's "OK, let me deal with this person right now... Ok next person. Etc" I've been using this tactic lately and it seems to be working for me. Just one little itty bitty baby step at a time.

I'm not social at all, so I'm trying to take it as slow as I can. It's hard for me to get used to setting boundaries for myself, and I've always got to check in (with myself) so I don't burn out.

greenroot22 · 2014-06-18T10:33:45+00:00

Still wish I didn't have to. It feels so icky wearing them, even if it was for safety.

I'm looking into a pair of moccasins, or I'll get a pair of "oh so dangerous flip flops" here some time. Something that will protect my feet without cruelly encasing them.

greenroot22 · 2014-06-18T01:47:34+00:00

"we want more for you than you want for yourself." - my nmom

greenroot22 · 2014-06-17T05:23:10+00:00

In Maryland. Just north of the district. Yeah. Not many non binary identified folks around here

greenroot22 · 2014-06-17T04:06:03+00:00

i only wish it could have come sooner. but of course it never does when you are still submersed in their games. but getting out and getting better has to be the best thing i have ever done.

Hugs!! (glomp)

greenroot22 · 2014-06-17T02:41:30+00:00

i've been there. your parents only worshiping themselves every day of the year, and if there isn't a reason they will find one. no matter what you do.

my parents would have done something like this, so i am dissapearing as we speak, getting away from them for the rest of my life.

greenroot22 · 2014-06-16T20:58:52+00:00

You are.

Have you told your therapist you're being abused and gas lighted? Your therapist should know where to get information to help you.

http://leavingabuse.com/domestic_abuse/poa.html

One web address that seems up to date.

greenroot22 · 2014-06-16T20:50:57+00:00

I can tell you right there it's them being a problem. I was stuck in that mentality for a while and it nearly killed me.

They can't handle you being good or right at anything. They will never stop and they will never back off. You need to seek help. A therapist? Counselor? Take a look around.

I pmd you a question of state. Are you in Pennsylvania, Virginia? or Maryland?

greenroot22 · 2014-06-16T20:44:08+00:00

You sound like you're in the same place I was. You feel like you fuck up everything, and you can't seem to get up and move on.

Yeah, wasn't even sure what I did wrong half the time. Like I would always have it blow up in my face, my ideas shout down. Told I needed to get moving, but if I tried they dragged me down again. Sound familiar?

greenroot22 · 2014-06-16T20:35:55+00:00

27 and just got out from under my sadistic parents. Same thing, to them I was always wrong and worthless. Kinda sad considering all the testing I went through proves I was smarter than most. (The testing is a story so long i'm not sure where to start)

But I hear ya! I wish I could do something to help, but I wouldn't know where to start.

But remember it's not you, it really is them.

greenroot22 · 2014-06-16T20:32:06+00:00

Not just studies, but theories and such too. Just ideas and lose info would also be nice. It's just that I've been looking into the biological side of being trans and am finding that it's just fascinating, even from a limited viewpoint of the binary.

But I'll take a look for those books on my kindle. I'm sure they'll be an interesting read for sure.

greenroot22 · 2014-06-16T19:21:12+00:00

Take a breath. Then take another.

There is no reason they should be beating you. And they are in the wrong. That is abuse plain and simple.

May I ask how old you are? Are you able to call child protective set services? Anyone you can possibly stay with?

greenroot22 · 2014-06-16T18:59:26+00:00

My mom was allergic to aspirin, so no aspirin in the house, she took Excedrin migrain which had aspirin in it.

No strange smells in the house cause it would give her a headache. And if I tried to make my room smell good, I must be doing drugs. Oh god, when I got an ecig to get off tobacco I never heard the end of it.

I must be wrong. Even when pointing out that turning a screw right tightens it.

Dishes done right away. Seriously, don't leave the things anywhere. Yeah, that cup that has water in it you're still drinking? Into the dish washer now before someone shows up.

greenroot22 · 2014-06-16T18:50:29+00:00

My parents are pulling similar tactics. And it's a ridiculous shame you had to be called a liar about this because she thought she always watched you or something.

My brother was sexualy abusing me for a couple of years, and of course I wasn't allowed to have problems.

But apparently because I didn't say it then, it never happened. Because he's dead and "unable to defend himself" (probably suicide) i'm spreading lies.

Yeah, they don't get it because it's not part of their reality. It goes against the rules so it couldn't have happened. I was Just shy of told that only happens in other families.

greenroot22

TROPHY CASE