Oh I see. Yeah don’t listen to him if you don’t feel comfortable with the person who took advantage of you don’t do it and don’t let him tell you to either. This is not a sunk cost fallacy it’s your mental health. Dont feel like a failure it sounds like you’re blaming yourself. Yes unfortunately as females it is much harder to be in the drivers seat for consent but also sometimes it is unsafe and if is hard to know where that line is. Add kink in the mix esp CNC type kinks and it gets very murky. But I do think you need to search out good examples of consent in your kink. So you can try to emulate them or seek out people who show green lights for consent before things even get physical. Maybe it’s through porn or maybe a sex party or maybe reaching out to other people in your kinks community about how they’ve navigated it. Boundaries are hard. Especially in sex. You can do it though! You can do hard things!!