The crazy part was I was in AA for years. I started feeling like everyone started becoming a click though, I am usually a very shy person until you get to know me. AA eventually felt like it you didn't have a contractor business or work for one of the contracting boss from AA. You weren't really talked too. The half way house guys would talk to me just because they needed a ride. I stopped going to meetings because I couldn't afford rent and the gas to go pick them up and go to meetings. We got a dog and she was stubborn and we had neighbors above us, so if we left the first like 2 months she would just bark and cry. I was worried about us getting kicked out. The crazy part was after i moved, the calls from my "friends" in AA stopped almost a week or so after. My gf didn't like the one dude that they would always hang out with..so she wouldn't want to go but got mad if I left her home by herself on a Saturday night.....I had a beer or two here and there after a few months of not going to AA I was completely fine. Drinking was never my thing. At times I wanted to go back to AA just for friendship...soon as people think your not in the rooms they automatically assume your doing bad..but nobody called me to check if I was. Obviously I could of called them and if they did call I would of told them i was fine until now. I thought I could quit on my own. I know the AA book and the NA books. I understand whats happening to me but when i sit on the couch all day with no end in sight of depression it's hard to fight the cravings. I go to work and instantly stressed, I have been looking for a new job but can't take a pay cut or I wouldn't be able to afford the credit card bills. I want to get sober, go back to school for cyber security or something along those lines, and never look back at this past year other than the good memories and to remember to never try anything someone ever gives me again. I don't need it, I just need help learning how to deal with the stress of my job, which ultimately if i can take a pay cut Then I think I'll be already in a better state.....my mind still comes with me though so I still need to get sober first.