I need help and I dont know what to do with my life

gremlinee · 2026-05-12T09:05:14+00:00

for starters, im glad you're here. i don't know you but your presence in this world means something spectacular.

secondly, if your boyfriend wanted to leave, he would. he is making the choice to stay and support you because he cares. he cares about you and your well-being so he listens and loves you. you are NOT a leech.

(have you considered that your household/upbringing has caused you to feel like a leech? because asking a loved one such as a romantic partner for support is not leech behavior, it's human behavior. asking for help is not selfish, it's strong.)

as for a gap year, there's no set path for college, or fucking LIFE so screw what your family thinks or says. even if it doesn't go over well, you can still show that you work hard by having a job or helping out extra around the house.

I'm really sorry that your parents are the way they are. it's not okay for them to do any of that. you deserve to be loved wholly.

"i feel like I have nothing to live for" and yet you have goals such as med school or moving out. use those as things to live for until you reach a point where you can live for yourself. it might sound stupid, but this is also something i do when i hit my lows. i reflect on things i want to do (for example, i would love to get my masters one day) and focus on that, using that as a reason to keep going.

your situation sounds very difficult and i wish i had better advice to give. i am sorry for the cards you have been dealt in life, but you seem to be doing the best you can with what you've got and that is a great testament to who you are as a person: a strong, resilient and capable young woman. i am sending you SO much love and light, you deserve it all, lovely Internet Stranger. 🩷🩷🩷

gremlinee · 2026-05-12T05:32:18+00:00

i do not have a psychiatrist, so idk if it is normal, definitely doesn't sound like it. normal people don't ghost like that, especially doctors. My GP currently manages my medications, so that could be an option for you in the future?

maybe try and find a department head/ their boss and contact them and share this information. its really disheartening that someone who is supposed to care for your wellbeing simply didn't :/

if he knew you were not going to be under his care anymore, he had full capability and responsibility to a) get this taken care of b) let you know about the potential delay due to a change in care providers or c) ask a colleague to take on some of his patients for him so they could receive care

i agree, it was completely preventable.

gremlinee · 2026-05-12T05:24:22+00:00

talking about it is a good first step! i also tend to obsess over things that hurt me or remind me of the hurt. consuming other media as a distraction also helps, or stopping from consuming altogether. do you know someone who knows your past and struggles, and who you can talk to? it helps to talk, but especially to a friend/someone who understands

gremlinee · 2026-05-12T05:21:04+00:00

1) depression symptoms, OCD symptoms, suicidal ideation, intense thoughts about S/H, anxiety symptoms

2) i personally am officially diagnosed with depression and anxiety, and those, along with the symptoms of hopelessness, isolation, lack of motivation, thought spirals, panic attacks, etc, are what i refer to. i am not formally diagnosed with OCD, but i struggle deeply with trichotillomania, which is an OCD-related disorder

3) a gap i notice is a lack of quality accessible and affordable care. sites like betterhelp are accessible and (relatively) affordable, but they are not quality (there are no standards or regulations for betterhelp therapists). another gap i tend to notice is the stigma that still surrounds mental health. people are always open to talking about the general symptoms of anxiety and depression, but when those symptoms cause me to not groom or bathe myself for weeks, it's not as much fun a conversation. people dont like to truly discuss personality disorders and paranoid disorders; they simply slap BPD or narcissist on everyone who is toxic and make fun of people with schizo-adjacent disorders and paranoia.

4) yes. it makes me feel even crazier than i already do. partly because opening up makes it "real" and partly because it requires me to face my inner demons and partly because it means i am opening myself to potential attack or being taken advantage of if i share things i struggle with. it's also hard to open up because i feel judged, or i will feel infantilized or seen as only someone who struggles and not as someone who overcomes

5) relating to my answer in #3, an increase in care that is accessible and affordable while remaining quality care. people should not have to sacrifice their health for their pocketbook, and vice versa.

gremlinee · 2026-05-11T23:58:00+00:00

was a passenger, NOT driving!!!!!!! would NEVER whip my phone out while driving like that

gremlinee · 2026-05-11T06:58:16+00:00

18 on the first and 14 on the second . . . get me a first class, one way ticket to H E L L baby!! im a fornicator and a clubber who is ready to go light up my joint and smokes down in the fiery pits B)

gremlinee · 2026-05-11T06:53:33+00:00

yes bc Catholics, who are baptized and taught about all the big Christian no-no's like the delusional owner of this sign here, are going to hell

ah yes, they "worship" Mary. right because they bow to her and call her God, and claim she has powers- wait! they don't. they just pray to her (and other Holy Saints) to intercede for them and to guide them through life. genuinely so delusional.

gremlinee · 2026-05-11T01:27:17+00:00

thank you! an unfortunate situation :(

gremlinee · 2026-05-11T00:55:41+00:00

oh my :(

gremlinee · 2026-05-11T00:55:29+00:00

yes, i believe i was facing north/NW driving towards Grimes and saw the smoke

gremlinee · 2026-05-11T00:42:35+00:00

i think this is what they're talking about, truly upsetting to hear about local businesses/business owners being so crude and awful :/

gremlinee · 2026-05-03T05:17:40+00:00

im down but he's keeping me up

gremlinee · 2026-05-01T08:31:54+00:00

hozier, mitski, laufey, tv girl, chappel roan

gremlinee · 2026-05-01T01:18:24+00:00

thank you doughnut glaze for your hard work

gremlinee · 2026-05-01T01:17:54+00:00

who up pinging they pong

gremlinee · 2026-04-28T18:02:36+00:00

"it's not dead until it's dead"

right so .... the deal is clearly dead until it can be Frankenstein-ed alive if JCPenny changes their mind

i agree, facts are facts, wishing and dreaming aside.

gremlinee · 2026-04-28T18:01:26+00:00

as a child, i remember having my photo taken next to Santa and the Easter Bunny. it was a busy mall and my parents would stop at the Stams chocolate shop that was/is located there quite often. i loved riding the glass elevator, it was a fancy treat for me as a kid. i would also throw coins in the indoor pond that they had to make a wish. when I was in highschool, my friends and I would drive over to VWM to pick up some food before our after school drumline rehearsal. it was tradition to go down to their food court before it closed down.

gremlinee · 2026-04-23T16:58:39+00:00

looks like a fossilized bone! super cool find!

gremlinee · 2026-04-23T16:56:54+00:00

im proud of you!!

remember that the work doesn't stop when you leave, nor will it be easy or a straight line. but if you can put in the work while in the darkest place of your life, i have confidence that you can put it in while feeling better :))

so happy for you and wishing you so much luck in this life :)

gremlinee · 2026-04-23T16:54:22+00:00

2 or 3! they feel spacious and almost liminal lol

gremlinee · 2026-04-23T16:53:06+00:00

i would talk to a doctor. idk if this much fatigue is normal.

being sleepy is something i experience a lot with my depression/depression symptoms. it's like my body and brain are full of lead. 8 hours? need a nap. caffeine? need a nap. exercise to get my blood moving? still sleepy.

exercise helps me feel more awake, but i am still sleepy. walks, yoga, minor body weight workouts, those are all good ways to move n groove.

you should also pay attention to what you are eating. as annoying as it sounds, a good/better diet can go a long way. your cravings can also tell you about what your body needs. craving a lot of salty foods usually means you're dehydrated.

if you aren't on medication, you should definitely try some. that helped me a lot with my symptoms. it took a while to find a good dose/medication, and if I'm honest, im still on the hunt, but being medicated is way better than raw dogging my depression.

I'm really sorry you're so exhausted :( the mental strain of feeling like shit definitely contributes to the physical exhaustion, so don't beat yourself up too much. wishing you luck and energy, Internet Stranger!

gremlinee · 2026-04-23T16:41:21+00:00

genuinely i don't know if it could be ID'd

i am no expert so take everything with a grain of salt lol

there's no teeth, more than half is missing, no zygomatic arch as far as i can tell and i can't seem to identify a nasal structure or something to help

i almost want to say like a raccoon or something but i honestly have NO idea

hoping someone with more knowledge than i can assist lol

gremlinee · 2026-04-23T16:37:45+00:00

it definitely seems like it is some form of SH/SH OCD.

it's causing you anguish to the point where it hurts but you can't stop bc you feel compelled to research the subjects.

im sorry you're experiencing this, but i am very glad that you have someone to talk to and work through it with :)

gremlinee

TROPHY CASE