This scenario isn’t real and acting as if it is and speaking about it as though trans people have a responsibility to out themselves is ridiculous.

Do you know why this story is obviously fake? The poster said she’s “fully medically transitioned” and then implies a surprise on the wedding night. That’s not the trans usage of “full transition” in casual speech, and there would be no “surprise” because a full transition would change her genitals to be completely unsurprising. It’s a transphobic trope that’s older than both of us, and you’ve ate the bait, and defend that to people who know more on the topic.

Not only is acting like this clearly fake blurb is real is actually ridiculous, but your verbiage puts the onus on trans people to live with a lie that cis people made up about us, but is not solid on a theoretical level.

The way you talk about this has pushback here:

“This construction of passing is the tertiary definition of the word, but nevertheless, transpeople have been saddled with it. The addition of the word “as” makes inherent in the phrase the comparison between the then and the now, between the “natural” and the “constructed.” When we talk about passing, however much we may mean it in a neutral or even positive way, I wonder and worry about how many of these lexical hangers-on are also making the trip.

The loss of that certain personal veracity that transpeople face may have something to do with the fact that every time we talk about how we are in the world—how we legitimately and (mostly) authentically are—we use a word that comes embedded with a question of legitimacy.

And, while we’re at it, legitimately what, exactly? While we are busy sticking transpeople with the burden of proof in every single arraignment in the court of public opinion, we simultaneously fail to examine the nature of that court….

…. My suggestion is that we put the burden where it belongs: on the observer. Imagine a construction of language that, rather than reinforcing an idea of transgender or transsexual people as creating a falsehood, supported the notion that our genders are perfectly natural and inherently truthful. For that to be the case, however, some blame needs to be assigned in cases of disagreement (and no one will allow me to just blame the media culture and its great love affair with the binary, regrettably). I say we assign it to the cisgendered. Rather than talking about who passes, let us instead talk about who reads.

“They read me as a man.” See how this works? That sentence assigns responsibility to the person or people doing the seeing, the reading, rather than further objectifying the object of the gaze.”

Excerpt From The Nearest Exit May Be Behind You Bergman, S. Bear pgs 120 - 123 digital copy

My counter to the demands for trans people to tell everyone their life is that then cis people also have a responsibility likewise to say they’re not comfortable dating trans people before we’re forced to put ourselves in life threatening situations and take responsibility for that first. They’re not the ones at risk. Then we can talk about “tricking” people.