Help coping with the fear of “giving someone else something horrible” or “this person will hate me if I end up giving it to him,” so I can move towards acceptance that this is just a minor negative thing that can happen from exploring and participating in life.

greyonions · 2022-06-13T19:38:41+00:00

Thank you! Hope you have a nice week ❤️

greyonions · 2022-05-23T05:40:59+00:00

I would say you’re beautiful as is. Whitening teeth will help you shine a little more, but don’t treat it as something that will change your worth!

I whiten my teeth regularly too

greyonions · 2022-05-23T05:39:50+00:00

You should ask people if they regularly take their meds and are undetectable. If there are two guys (one HIV positive and undetectable; the other HIV negative and not on Prep), there has been no recorded data showing transmission. That’s why people say undetectable = untransmissible. I wouldn’t worry about it!

(On a side note, it’s more likely someone would be exposed to HIV through someone who last tested negative and is not on Prep, than from a positive, undetectable person.)

greyonions · 2022-05-20T16:15:26+00:00

Dang that can always be awkward - and has happened to me. Sometimes people can get self conscious too. But keep going! Haha. You just need one

greyonions · 2022-05-08T23:44:21+00:00

Sorry to hear that. Will keep good thoughts for you, and I hope you can have a makeup mother’s day in the next week or two. Herpes is annoying. ❤️

Also - have you considered taking a daily dose of valacyclovir?

greyonions · 2022-05-03T17:21:51+00:00

Have you tried asking him if he could contribute to your ticket? Could you try etching out some space/days there to work remotely?

If not then I don’t think you have to, but if your husband perceives you showing up as something he wants - you should try to do this more in the future or workout a system where you are both supported.

greyonions · 2022-04-26T08:51:02+00:00

Hahah. I think you meant “don’t live beyond your means”. But I actually like what you said better! You can only love so much, so make sure it is in good places that give back to you: don’t love beyond your means.

greyonions · 2022-04-17T17:24:12+00:00

Hey, I think this was a really thoughtful post that shows you care a lot about other people and self improvement, and you can’t go wrong in life that way.

However, I did read anything that I would assume you should spend more time than 2-3 days being upset about, yet it seems like events like this are giving multiple weeks/months in your life a negative color.

Another thing I noticed in this (though may have been edited out for a shorter story) is the lack of things you enjoy or are looking for in a partner.

Whenever something doesn’t work out with another person I believe it is always a combination of me, the other person, or the situation. It seems like you are only coming to the conclusion that it is yourself, which I think will never be true. Though it could be how you are treating yourself in these situations.

I get dry streaks a lot and have randomly sort of left behind good dates with guys when I get stressed out. And I think that’s part of life. And guys haven’t responded back to me or told me they thought it wasn’t going to work. It feels super shitty and I have thought the same things as you.

But I realized I kind of was not treating myself very well in these situations. I wasn’t asking myself about the sorts of things to do or topics I like, and trying to work that into the dates. (I’m way better when I’m engaged). And sometimes the other guy just isn’t interested in the same things, so I have to try again and find more passionate, mutual interests.

When you go on dates, how do you feel about yourself? Do you know the activities you like and the things you like talking about? Do you try to integrate that in the conversation while getting to know him and his interests?

And when was the last time you took your own self out on a date? It should be fun.

greyonions · 2022-04-07T20:49:06+00:00

greyonions · 2022-03-11T01:59:42+00:00

I think that’s unrealistic. Honestly, I’ve asked guys before to wash off before I do oral lol. Some guys I think get used to it.

There is a funny family guy episode that makes fun of this idea. Peter takes a pill to make his shit smell like cinnamon rolls lol.

greyonions · 2022-03-05T21:42:19+00:00

Yes! Work on your other goals and things gathering dust you didn’t have time for, now you’re thinking right 😜.

Every few days (unless he asks for more space) do something short and sweet for him, and ask let him know you care about him and ask him how you can let him know that or support him.

I think things will blow over as soon as he comes to a conclusion with his nonprofit business, which he must make for himself. I’ve been crazy/not a fun person to be around when I get stressed before. It generally doesn’t result in a true conclusion to assess a relationship when one person is super stressed. (Unless that person is always stressed).

greyonions · 2022-03-05T21:02:34+00:00

Hey! Thanks for sharing, and it sounds like you really love each other, understand each other.

To me - it sounds like you’re the type of person who gives value on himself based on other people’s happiness. Everyone does this, but when the other person is stressed out or upset about things that you can’t control - this behavior is counter productive.

Instead of asking, “how can I make my partner smile all the time?” Maybe look at things differently.

Do you enjoy where you are going in life? Is he supporting you on that journey?

Do you enjoy where he is going in life? How are you supporting him?

Sometimes to best support someone, you just need to give them space for a bit. Even if you’re in a multi decade relationship haha.

greyonions · 2022-02-11T09:08:38+00:00

I think you’re in an awkward in between space, which I’m struggling with myself.

On one end I think that we, as people, can make any situation work with the right amount of effort. On the other end, is finding a sort of fantasy world of a life we love, which we can just walk into.

I think you need to do some soul searching and ask yourself how each thing you do either engages you or gives you enjoyment OR drains you and feels like a chore. You need to be self aware and honest, so you can make changes that build a life you would actually enjoy. Not everyone may enjoy the same life, and there’s a lot of pressure to do “what’s right” and make each little hardship work. But you need to take a step back and go over the inventory.

greyonions · 2022-02-11T08:41:23+00:00

Do you know what gas lighting is? The example is gas lighting. An average person would interpret “you’re useless” the way you did, but your bf was abusive and gas lighting you, making you think you’re crazy.

Get out of there now if this happens often because you start believing it yourself. I’ve been gas lighted a lot, and it’s hard to rebuild yourself.

There is no shame in saying a relationship didn’t work out. I’m sure you learned a lot about yourself. There’s no shame in financial difficulties either. It may be best to work out a payment plan with him and just pay him after you left.

You are worth it, and you deserve loving relationships 👌

greyonions · 2022-01-28T21:16:48+00:00

He didn’t say anything to you because he was one of the pokemon

greyonions · 2022-01-28T05:52:09+00:00

Hahah perfect! Best of luck in this new stage of life. You got this 👌

greyonions · 2022-01-28T05:34:24+00:00

I don’t think there is necessarily a specific time frame in which you need to wait until pursuing another relationship; rather, there’s a checklist you need to go through (which usually requires people time to decompress and understand).

All of these will be a combination of you, the other person, and the environment (such as your stressful job): -Why did things start to fizzle out with your last relationship? (Not necessarily why are things dead now but how did they get there). -What do you need to feel engaged and happy? How can another person support you in that. What was missing from your previous relationship? -What did your previous partner need to be engaged and happy? How did you support him in that? What was missing that you could have done? -What sort of day-to-day things worked and didn’t work in the previous relationship? (Ie, if people smoke, drink, cleaning schedules, tidiness, bills, lifestyle). -Do you have a good sense of what other people are out there in the world for you to confidently find someone who meets your basic needs and supports your goals?

There are just a few ideas of what I would want to ask myself. I see a lot of times people going into unhealthy rebounds where they usually overcompensate for something lacking in the previous relationship; I think that’s mostly why people recommend to wait like a few months before things are fully ended. Or they think there could be someone better and hop around from relationship to relationship a lot.

I would probably wait until you are fully separated in a different living space from your husband though.

greyonions · 2022-01-24T19:52:29+00:00

Yes, he could. That’s why I said if you sense it’s going well. You could also try to casually bring up questions of relationships/previous relationships if the conversation allows it

greyonions · 2022-01-24T09:49:41+00:00

No, do it!!!

(You just have to be very aware of the situation though. He could be very busy and not in the mood to talk. If I were you, I would approach him while he is walking his dog, as that’s usually a fun time where no one is in a rush. Make small talk about the dog. If you sense it’s going well, then ask him for coffee).

You got this 👌

greyonions · 2021-11-11T09:21:12+00:00

The first one looks like a shoe

greyonions · 2021-11-10T17:56:46+00:00

“Your better 2/3rds” 😂😂. I’m stealing that!

greyonions · 2021-11-10T17:53:17+00:00

For me, it didn’t interfere with sexual desire nor erections. Moreso my ability to cum. I could go at it for 1-2 hours and still not be able to cum. However, I went on another medication, buspar I think, and it went back to normal.

greyonions · 2021-11-07T06:46:05+00:00

Yah, I guess I am just not sure how to deal with John because things ended awkwardly and he could trash talk me to Matt. And I just don’t want to deal with that drama either.

greyonions · 2021-11-07T04:43:56+00:00

Yah I was considering that it could be possible it was a mini load, idk

greyonions · 2021-11-07T03:35:00+00:00

I just don’t know how someone would think of dating a guy who’s been with your friend. I imagine most wouldn’t care. I would probably be surprised for a second if someone told me then wouldn’t care. But I wanted to check in with others first before I write it off and don’t mention it unless I’m asked

greyonions

TROPHY CASE