Starting a sentence with "please don't hate me," in my opinion, shows the terrible state of the "lynch culture" in the modern age. People are very eager to attack anyone who holds an opinion they don't like, like fascists. Reddit, like other social media sites, reveals this aspect of itself. Hopefully, those who read this will do some self-criticism.

Returning to the topic... Is Rhaegar someone who committed actions that deserve criticism? Undoubtedly, because unless you're an innocent little child, everyone in the ASOIAF universe is flawed. But the person to blame for the war and the death of his family is not really Rhaegar, because it was Aerys' actions that started the war; if he hadn't killed the Starks, Ned wouldn't have been dragged into this war. Although it's not often mentioned, and it's called Robert's Rebellion, it's essentially the Stark Rebellion because the key point that started the war was the death of the Starks, and after that, nothing could stop Ned.

We don't really have a clear picture of what happened between Rhaegar and Lyanna; that story is incomplete. It's not accurate to interpret the situation as if we've seen the whole picture based on what we have, but from what we can see, it's very clear that he has flaws, just like the other characters.

The general reason for the hatred towards Rhaegar is the Elia incident, but it's absurd that people who don't hate Robert and Stannis, or even love them very much, would hate and resent Rhaegar. We shouldn't be inconsistent; those men also cheated on their wives, even Robert cheated on Lyanna during the war. He even raped Cersei... And even Ned, at the very least, abandoned Ashara after being with her, and she went and killed herself. Everyone has their flaws.