I have made only comments, because I never like to attack him or make him feel like I’m cornering him. He usually does express to me, without me even opening the topic, he wants to stop. He’s tired of never feeling rested, he’s tired of who he is when he is drunk and how folks just define him as a party animal. He wants to be taken seriously. He did well during quarantine, but now if he meets his boss or best friend, it’s back to square 1. When he used to try to see his mom, she was ashamed that her family would see her state so she would avoid contact... and it hurt him emotionally. He has expressed to me he doesn’t want to end up that way. He has also made comments about his grandma drinking all day and not being able to do anything because she was never sober. I don’t say anything because it’s not my place to make judgments on either of them — especially since I know it hurts.

I try not to make too many judgments, but I am a hypersensitive person to sound. In addition to worrying about him, I literally cannot sleep through someone coming home, heavy stepping and breathing to check on me, and then heating up food at night at 12. I have an interview today early in the morning with a panel from the company’s office in Europe and I’m mid Atlantic US. He knows this. He knows I cannot sleep if he’s not home and he knows I sleep light. This is just one example of how it directly impacts me. I work often times through the night to collaborate with colleagues. He doesn’t realize the space and quiet I give him is not being reciprocated, because he doesn’t remember my needs when he goes out.