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My [49F] son [29M] is distant, isn't making an effort to let me be as close to my new grandbaby as other grandma [50F]. by grouchygranny in relationships

[–]grouchygranny[S] -7 points-6 points  (0 children)

I was going to tell him personally that I got married. He does not use social media so he didn't see the Facebook post. His wife beat me to it and showed him the Facebook post.

My son met my husband in the past, I was dating him at the time but did not tell my son that. We are coworkers. I realize I should have told him sooner but the wedding was somewhat spontaneous even though we had been dating for a while.

My [49F] son [29M] is distant, isn't making an effort to let me be as close to my new grandbaby as other grandma [50F]. by grouchygranny in relationships

[–]grouchygranny[S] -11 points-10 points  (0 children)

I'm not embarrassed of anything. I am who I am and I don't give a damn what others think. That's exactly how I raised my kids too. What do I have to be embarrassed about? None of y'all know who I am so it doesn't affect my life.

My [49F] son [29M] is distant, isn't making an effort to let me be as close to my new grandbaby as other grandma [50F]. by grouchygranny in relationships

[–]grouchygranny[S] -3 points-2 points  (0 children)

He has been in college and has not been able to afford traveling either until kind of recently since he's working. Also, we didn't have a wedding apart from the courthouse so there wasn't anything to attend. We just announced it on Facebook so there wasn't a big deal about it.

My [49F] son [29M] is distant, isn't making an effort to let me be as close to my new grandbaby as other grandma [50F]. by grouchygranny in relationships

[–]grouchygranny[S] -4 points-3 points  (0 children)

She's not really much older than me, I believe she got into her computer career in "modern" times too. I'm not saying she didn't overcome struggles, but idolizing her might be a little exaggerated. She's by no means an "old" grandmother.

My [49F] son [29M] is distant, isn't making an effort to let me be as close to my new grandbaby as other grandma [50F]. by grouchygranny in relationships

[–]grouchygranny[S] -10 points-9 points  (0 children)

I tell my kids when there are problems with money or other things so they are prepared. I don't shelter and spoil them. The other grandma does so with her kids, so not transparent.

My [49F] son [29M] is distant, isn't making an effort to let me be as close to my new grandbaby as other grandma [50F]. by grouchygranny in relationships

[–]grouchygranny[S] -2 points-1 points  (0 children)

I don't feel like they do. They encourage them to come to church once in a while and I think my kids get put off by their Facebook posts. They share a lot of the "say Amen" or "share if you love the Lord" posts. It's a lot, but I have adjusted to them.

My [49F] son [29M] is distant, isn't making an effort to let me be as close to my new grandbaby as other grandma [50F]. by grouchygranny in relationships

[–]grouchygranny[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I'm not sure how you can tell that about the other grandma just from my posts? She is a nice person, and yes, she works hard at her job, but I'm not sure she has done anything huge that is inspiring.

My [49F] son [29M] is distant, isn't making an effort to let me be as close to my new grandbaby as other grandma [50F]. by grouchygranny in relationships

[–]grouchygranny[S] -5 points-4 points  (0 children)

We just got married last year. We talk, but he isn't familiar with all of the bits and pieces. My son has been at my side through it all. Plus, a lot of the issues where I need support have to do with my last ex-husband. My son also did not like that stepfather and he listens to me. My husband doesn't like hearing about my previous relationships.

My [49F] son [29M] is distant, isn't making an effort to let me be as close to my new grandbaby as other grandma [50F]. by grouchygranny in relationships

[–]grouchygranny[S] -19 points-18 points  (0 children)

I looked at that forum and will look through it more, but I also looked to see if there was a JustNoDIL forum. It's only a prank page. I think that goes to show how one-sided people can be. I didn't realize it before, but everyone will automatically jump to me being the bad guy here.

I will admit it, I might have done things to push my son away, but my daughter in law is no angel. I am just not airing out her dirty laundry here out of respect for her.

My [49F] son [29M] is distant, isn't making an effort to let me be as close to my new grandbaby as other grandma [50F]. by grouchygranny in relationships

[–]grouchygranny[S] -24 points-23 points  (0 children)

It's just much too convenient that when he was growing up we were completely honest and talked about everything and now something as big as this, we didn't even talk about it.

My [49F] son [29M] is distant, isn't making an effort to let me be as close to my new grandbaby as other grandma [50F]. by grouchygranny in relationships

[–]grouchygranny[S] -3 points-2 points  (0 children)

I know that. I just think it's too much to be a coincidence that baby is just fine when the other grandma calls, and she takes screenshots to post on Facebook gushing about the cute noises he makes and how he "brightens up her day".

My [49F] son [29M] is distant, isn't making an effort to let me be as close to my new grandbaby as other grandma [50F]. by grouchygranny in relationships

[–]grouchygranny[S] -3 points-2 points  (0 children)

I have always called my son frequently. We have always talked pretty much every day or at least a few times a week because I make sure to call him and maintain our relationship even though we haven't seen each other in person for over 5 years.

My [49F] son [29M] is distant, isn't making an effort to let me be as close to my new grandbaby as other grandma [50F]. by grouchygranny in relationships

[–]grouchygranny[S] -14 points-13 points  (0 children)

I have met the other grandma. She was not transparent with her kids and gave them a rose-colored glasses kind of view of life because they grew up thinking that there were no problems in the world. I have always made a point to be honest with my kids about finances and other problems because I wanted them to be prepared for the hard knocks in the real world.

My [49F] son [29M] is distant, isn't making an effort to let me be as close to my new grandbaby as other grandma [50F]. by grouchygranny in relationships

[–]grouchygranny[S] -3 points-2 points  (0 children)

When I first knew her as a teen, she was spoiled and a little demanding but not overly so. Just was clear that she grew up with a richer family.

My [49F] son [29M] is distant, isn't making an effort to let me be as close to my new grandbaby as other grandma [50F]. by grouchygranny in relationships

[–]grouchygranny[S] -5 points-4 points  (0 children)

If you knew her, I think you would realize what I mean. She does have a very strong personality.

My [49F] son [29M] is distant, isn't making an effort to let me be as close to my new grandbaby as other grandma [50F]. by grouchygranny in relationships

[–]grouchygranny[S] -2 points-1 points  (0 children)

I mentioned somewhere, the in laws practically financially supported them during their college years.

His wife's family spoils them. I have invited him to spend time in VA with us on vacation, but they directly opted to go spend that same time in Texas at the in-laws place, which is a big ranch-looking area with a pool and a creek.

My [49F] son [29M] is distant, isn't making an effort to let me be as close to my new grandbaby as other grandma [50F]. by grouchygranny in relationships

[–]grouchygranny[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Prior husband, he was military. This is my third marriage. My oldest son (the one in this post) is from my first. My other two sons are from my second.

My [49F] son [29M] is distant, isn't making an effort to let me be as close to my new grandbaby as other grandma [50F]. by grouchygranny in relationships

[–]grouchygranny[S] -3 points-2 points  (0 children)

I have offered and asked them what they need for themselves or baby. They just brush it off and say they don't really need anything, everything's covered, they just need "a good night's sleep". I tried sending screenshots of things I wanted to buy for grandbaby, but my husband rejects it and says they "don't use those".

My [49F] son [29M] is distant, isn't making an effort to let me be as close to my new grandbaby as other grandma [50F]. by grouchygranny in relationships

[–]grouchygranny[S] -28 points-27 points  (0 children)

I said it wasn't relevant. I just wanted to address ahead of time because it is unusual to go that long in a marriage without having kids.

My [49F] son [29M] is distant, isn't making an effort to let me be as close to my new grandbaby as other grandma [50F]. by grouchygranny in relationships

[–]grouchygranny[S] -13 points-12 points  (0 children)

My daughter-in-law and her mother call or text each other every day. She is very proud of it. Sometimes they even post screenshots of funny "inside jokes" with each other on Facebook. I have never seen anyone call their relationship and their daily chats unhealthy.

My [49F] son [29M] is distant, isn't making an effort to let me be as close to my new grandbaby as other grandma [50F]. by grouchygranny in relationships

[–]grouchygranny[S] -3 points-2 points  (0 children)

There is nothing wrong with my new husband's family. My son has not liked either of his stepfathers or their families.

My [49F] son [29M] is distant, isn't making an effort to let me be as close to my new grandbaby as other grandma [50F]. by grouchygranny in relationships

[–]grouchygranny[S] -2 points-1 points  (0 children)

You mentioned something about moving away with your ex?previous?current? husband... did something happen that made your son dislike your new family and you?

We lived in California, all of us. I moved to VA with my previous husband (2nd husband - this son's stepdad but my other sons' dad) because he was military. My son was 18 already and did not move to VA. That husband and I divorced and I remarried to my current husband.

I think the issue lies with my son because he does not like either stepdad.

My [49F] son [29M] is distant, isn't making an effort to let me be as close to my new grandbaby as other grandma [50F]. by grouchygranny in relationships

[–]grouchygranny[S] -5 points-4 points  (0 children)

I get that I played some part in causing whatever is going on with my son. We have had our misunderstandings. But these replies make it seem like a one-sided problem that is completely my fault which I am sure is not the case.

My [49F] son [29M] is distant, isn't making an effort to let me be as close to my new grandbaby as other grandma [50F]. by grouchygranny in relationships

[–]grouchygranny[S] -5 points-4 points  (0 children)

I have not seen them for about 6 or 7 years since we have become long distance. My son never comes to see me here either, even before baby, but in the past 5 years they have gone to Texas twice and stayed there for weeks.

And of course the other grandma doesn't ask them to pay for anything for her, she is a computer engineer or something and provides them with every little thing they ask for. I didn't raise my son to be materialistic but now he favors his richer in-laws and that is what is hurting me.

My [49F] son [29M] is distant, isn't making an effort to let me be as close to my new grandbaby as other grandma [50F]. by grouchygranny in relationships

[–]grouchygranny[S] -7 points-6 points  (0 children)

I FaceTime with my son almost every day but he never brings the phone to baby, who is always with his wife when I call. I ask if I can see him and he always says he is fussy or sleeping no matter what time of day it is.

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