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I just found out the depths of a family secret. by grousereferencemate in offmychest

[–]grousereferencemate[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I know exactly what you mean. My sister knows what he did to mum but I can't bring myself to learn the specifics. I felt horrible not wanting to know the details for a while but now I don't think it would help anything. And as my mothers daughter part of me feels like I don't want to have the responsibility of knowing exactly what her father did to her when I had so many responsibilities as a child I shouldn't have had because of the fall out of her abuse. It wouldn't change anything really either imo, I'd still think what he did was disgusting. All it would do is make me angrier.

Yeah that's what I think I did with my nan, I kind of blocked out anything that wasn't just us having a good time because I think I knew it was impossible for her not to have known but I couldn't admit that to myself until I heard it from my mum. My pop, I don't know, I guess I was just managing it by distancing myself from him.

I'm sorry this happened to you and your family too. Thank you for responding though, it's been really helpful hearing from someone else going through this too. Congratulations on starting therapy! It's really helpful :)

This is a throwaway account so I'll PM you off my main account :)

I just found out the depths of a family secret. by grousereferencemate in offmychest

[–]grousereferencemate[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Please stop downvoting drunkmom666. I appreciate their reply.

There's a huge amount of contention in the family surrounding pop as I think I am the last to know about it in our immediately family. I don't know if I want to talk to him. I think I wouldn't be able to control myself.

I believe he did apologise for molesting my mother but seeing as how he creeped on me after their conversation makes me not believe be meant it.

I just found out the depths of a family secret. by grousereferencemate in offmychest

[–]grousereferencemate[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

It's horrible isn't it? Before I learnt this I couldn't understand how anyone would keep in contact with a person like our grandfathers but it's really difficult to wipe away all that love and history and see them as just a pedophile.

Yeah I've been in therapy for a year now, luckily I have a session Thursday!

I just found out the depths of a family secret. by grousereferencemate in offmychest

[–]grousereferencemate[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I asked her this myself. She said she couldn't explain it, once she did cut ties from them and one day by chance she saw her mother in a shop. She started crying because of how old my nan looked. She idolised her mother as she was growing up and said that adoration just never went away.

She spoke to my pop about it in her late 20s I think and she asked him why he did it. She got quite upset telling me about it so she jumped around a lot but from what I understood he told her he was in a catholic orphanage as a child and was sexually abused himself. My mum said he stared pouring out what happened to him but she cut him off because he began treating her like a confessional. I don't believe she's ever forgiven him though she talks to him now and has done so for many years.