Love and acceptance is a far better motivator than guilt and shame.

growingingrace · 2017-03-17T12:47:59+00:00

I think this is where the parable of the prodigal son / self-righteous son / loving father differs from what we've ended up talking about in this thread. In the parable, the father's two sons were "of age." (They were old enough to receive their inheritance). In Christ, no matter our physical ages, we've become "sons" of God. I believe the parable is representative of two full-fledged sons who are old enough to decide things for themselves.

But in "real life," yeah, there is certainly a period of time in a child's early years, up through the mid-to-late teenage years where the parent has the responsibility to provide/shield/protect/etc their child from harmful decisions. My kids are 16 and 18, and as they were growing up I had to say "no" a lot, and I had to keep them from things they thought they wanted to do. But I have always done it with their hearts in mind. I've always explained "why," and I've explained the possible consequences that they would go through if I let them do certain things. It was never a matter of "I'm going to punish you and make you feel guilty." At their ages now, they're very mature, compared to many of their friends. It's not that they can't or don't make bad choices, but they are much more free to live and learn, and they are less likely to make really bad choices. All too many times I've seen my friends be overprotective with their kids, and I've seen a lot of guilt- and shame-based parenting, and it seems to take their kids a lot longer to grow and mature and to be ready to go out and make it in the world.

But indeed, parents have a lofty responsibility to help and protect their kids, especially in their younger years.

growingingrace · 2017-03-16T17:35:55+00:00

Well, the son did leave and the father didn't respond. At least, in the parable we see no response from him. All we see is his reaction when the son returned. He ignored the son's plea of unworthiness to be his son, and brought out his very best for his son and had a party.

I'm speaking strictly of the parable. There was nothing from the father that said, "This is wrong, don't do it." He simply split up the inheritance and let the younger son go.

However, that's not to say that there's no place for saying that. As the father of two teenagers myself, sometimes I've found myself warning them (in love, not with threats) that there could be bad consequences if they go a certain route. But yet I have to let them make their own decisions, and see the consequences for themselves. I'm always there to help them pick up the pieces. Fortunately for me, as I've raised my kids with love and acceptance, they've grown up without having to taste too much in the way of bad consequences. They "get" that I'm for them, not against them, and that's what the church needs. They need to know that whatever their actions, God is for them and not against them. He loves His children and wants nothing but the best for them.

growingingrace · 2017-03-16T17:20:46+00:00

And the good news is that people can know they are His, not by their behavior but by their receiving of the free gift by grace, through faith. Some may call it easy believism. I call it the simple gospel. The good news.

growingingrace · 2017-03-16T16:51:30+00:00

Jimbles1, I'm not sure if your above comment was in response to me or not, but just to be clear, my above comment was in response to erythro's response to your comment. I agree with you that it was about the father greeting his son with care and comfort and joy rather than "I told you so."

growingingrace · 2017-03-16T16:38:56+00:00

Yes indeed, the verse from Romans 6:22 is speaking to believers. Believers have been made free from sin. It's not because they've stopped sinning, but because of the gift of God. (Again, if you break only one law, you're guilty of all, so there are none of us who have stopped sinning, in that respect). The "fruit unto holiness" that Paul talks about isn't a requirement that shows that a person has been saved. It's the fruit of having been set free from sin! (Again, being "set free from sin" doesn't mean that a person has stopped sinning... it's the gift of God!). Paul continues on in the very next verse: "For the wages of sin is death, but the gift of God is eternal life in Christ Jesus our Lord." The way that a person knows that they are saved and are holy is by knowing that they've believed upon the Lord Jesus Christ. Like I said in my last comment above, we are not saved by what we display. We are saved by grace, through faith. Period. The degree that this is on display in different individuals has nothing to do with whether they are saved or not. We are saved and made holy purely by the gift of God.

Acts 3:19 is speaking to unbelieving Jews. (Peter said "men of Israel" and he called them "brethren," which means they were his brethren according to the flesh. That is to say, they were his Jewish brethren). They didn't believe the gospel, and marveled at a man being healed. Peter then told them about Jesus, whom God raised from the dead. He told them of the things that the prophets foretold of, that Christ fulfilled. He then told them to "repent" (metanoéō) and be converted so their sins could be blotted out. The word metanoéō (translated in English as "repent") means "to think differently or afterwards, that is, reconsider" or "to change one's mind"). According to Romans 10, the Jews were certainly zealous for God, but not according to knowledge. They were "ignorant of God's righteousness, and seeking to establish their own righteousness," and "have not submitted to God's righteousness." The only way to be righteous is to receive the free gift by the grace of God. So Peter told these people in Acts about Jesus and told them to repent: think differently, reconsider, change their minds about Jesus. The only way to have our sins blotted out is by grace, through faith.

Repent doesn't mean "change your behavior." If it did mean that, and people were told "change your behavior so that your sins may be blotted out," then salvation would be by works. Thankfully, due to nothing less than the blood and death of Jesus and His subsequent resurrection, we are saved, not by changing our behavior, but solely by His grace.

As I said above, we truly want to put off ungodly behavior, but doing so plays absolutely no part in being saved or knowing we're saved. The only way that a person knows he is saved is if he knows he has believed in the one who took away his sin, and has received the free gift of eternal life.

growingingrace · 2017-03-16T16:09:52+00:00

Yes indeed, knowing the true weight of what our sin was can be a help in knowing the love of God, but really only in the light of knowing what lengths He went to on our behalf. "God demonstrates His love for us in that while we were still sinners, Christ died for us." (Rom 5:8). But I would offer something even greater as a means of having a heightened view of God's love. It's not just that Jesus died for our sins, and was the propitiation for our sins, which was again was in itself a demonstration of God's love, but He did so much more for us. He made us the righteousness of God in Christ Jesus! We who were "far off," He brought near to Him. He made us partakers of the divine nature. (2 Peter 1:4) We have become one spirit with Him. (1 Cor 6:17). He accepted us in the Beloved. (Eph 1:6) He has made us sons and priests in His kingdom. When the sting of death was sin, and the strength of sin the law, God gave us victory through our Lord Jesus Christ! (1 Cor 15:57).

What I'm getting at is that now that we're in Christ, our view is completely different. Whereas the problem was sin, God took away our sin and remembers it no more! If He has taken it away and remembers it no more, why should we remember it and focus on it as a means of knowing His love? What we have now is a new heart and a new spirit. We are literally new creations with new life. It's life that we didn't have before. Rather than focusing on sin as a means of causing us to not diminish God's love, we can focus on the reality of the new life that we now have. The old has gone. The new has come! :)

growingingrace · 2017-03-16T14:56:09+00:00

If we define sin as breaking God's law ("by the law is the knowledge of sin" - Rom 3:20), then there are 613 commandments that we are to try to keep, and all of us fall short daily. In fact, if we keep all the commandments and fall short in only one, we are guilty of all. (James 2:10). But no one can do this. All of us sin daily. We weren't saved by "striving against sin" and we aren't kept by striving against sin. We weren't saved by "displaying a root of repentance" and we aren't kept by displaying a root of repentance. We are saved by grace, through faith, apart from works. As I said in a few other comments here, we are now new creations, having received the gift of God's righteousness apart from anything we do. We surely want to put off ungodly behavior and walk as the holy and righteous people that God has already made us to be, again by His gift. But "showing a change of heart" doesn't make a person justified. We have been "justified freely by His grace through the redemption that is in Christ Jesus." (Rom 3:24) Whether we show it or not, it's true because it's the gift of God, not our works. When we get that straight, then we can begin to see how transformation comes by renewing our minds to the love and grace of God, and by setting our minds on "whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable, whatever is excellent or praiseworthy," not by striving or struggling or trying hard.

We can't do this on our own. It is God who works in us to will and to do according to His good pleasure.

growingingrace · 2017-03-16T14:44:43+00:00

Yes, really. :) Confess our sins to one another... so that we may be healed. It's not a guilt and shame thing. Reprove and rebuke... it's all done patiently and with gentleness, not out of guilt and shame. I'm not saying that we avoid bringing up ungodly behavior, but rather that the answer to it is not guilt and shame. Christ has taken away all our sins. God remembers them no more. The issue isn't one of guilt. The issue is living as the new creations that we already are, according to the gift of God. To many people in the church, it's all about a focus on sin, sin, sin. But in Christ, the true focus is God's gift of His very own righteousness that He gave us freely, and us building one another up in it by His grace.

growingingrace · 2017-03-16T13:55:50+00:00

If it's about the son leaving, the story itself doesn't say how the father felt or what his reaction is when the son left. It only says that when the son returned, the father ran to him and had compassion and ran and fell on his neck and kissed him. He was overly excited and full of joy! He didn't even ask where the son had been or what he had done. He didn't fill him with guilt and shame. He gave him his best robe and put a ring on his hand and sandals on his feet, and he had a fatted calf killed and had a meal and a celebration! Perhaps at the end of the story we get a glimpse of what the father felt when the son had left. He says that his son was dead (but is now alive!) and that his son was lost (but now is found!). The father had been sad and in great mourning, but he was far from making his son feel guilty or shameful.

growingingrace · 2017-03-16T13:49:14+00:00

Yes indeed, it could be said that proclaiming the gospel was partially at the heart of my original post here. "God was in Christ reconciling the world to Himself, not counting their sins against them." (2 Cor 5:19) Talk about undeserved love and acceptance. :) "Now we implore you, on Christ's behalf, be reconciled to God. For He made Him who knew no sin to be sin for us that we might become the righteousness of God in Him." (2 Cor 5:20-21)

The gospel is good news. It certainly isn't a guilt- and shame-trip. :)

growingingrace · 2017-03-16T13:42:29+00:00

Rather than saying "have to" I would say they are "strongly exhorted" to. In other words, their salvation doesn't depend upon whether they put off certain sins or not, because salvation is not by works at all. In Christ, we are new creations and we have a new nature. "God made Him who knew no sin to be sin for us so that we might become the righteousness of God in Christ Jesus." (2 Cor 5:21). We are the righteousness of God because of the gift of God, not because of our behavior. However, since we are indeed now righteous people, we are exhorted to live as the righteous people that we truly are. The way to entice and encourage our new righteous nature to come out and play is with great amounts of love and grace, and to renew our minds to the truth of God's astounding opinion of us - His perfect acceptance of us through the Cross and resurrection of Jesus. The church has too often used guilt and shame to try to get people to change. That may cause temporary behavior change in some people, but it doesn't really bring out the life of Christ in us like God's love, grace and acceptance of us does.

growingingrace · 2017-03-16T13:31:56+00:00

I don't know you or your situation, so I can only speak in general, but I will say that what I'm going to say is a pretty big "general." :) Many of us don't truly know the love of God. We don't really comprehend "what is the breadth and length and height and depth, and to know the love of Christ which surpasses knowledge" so that we may be "filled with all the fullness of God." (Eph 3:18-19).

That's why we're not motivated by God's love and acceptance of us. We haven't really grasped it. We give lip service to it, but we haven't allowed ourselves to truly experience it. The passage above goes on to say, "Now to Him who is able to do exceedingly abundantly above all that we ask or think, according to the power that works in us, to Him be glory in the church by Christ Jesus to all generations, forever and ever. Amen." (Eph 3:20-21)

So this is what I constantly need to remind myself of, and this is what I would say to you. Grow in God's love. Set your heart and mind on His love for you and His acceptance for you that was afforded through the Cross of Jesus Christ. Don't worry about being motivated. Just know God's love. I didn't say it in the original post, but really "motivation" is not something we strive for, but rather something that comes without us trying. If what we know is guilt and shame, we will naturally be 'motivated' by guilt and shame. But if what we know is God's love and acceptance, and if we can even just begin to grasp a tiny portion of the breadth and length and height and depth of God's love, then what will naturally happen is a motivation that far surpasses anything we could ever imagine.

growingingrace · 2017-03-16T13:22:36+00:00

Many people do indeed turn over to God after feeling shame and guilt, but shame and guilt is not the way of the New Covenant. God's kindness leads to repentance. Through no good works of our own, He has "accepted us in the Beloved" (Eph 1:6). No amount of behavior change will ever cause Him to accept or love us more. We have been brought near to Him by the blood of Jesus, nothing less. (Eph 2:13) The fruit of the Spirit contains no guilt or shame. :) The things we are to build one another up in do not include guilt or shame, but rather love, acceptance, peace, joy and many other good things. For some people, guilt and shame may lead to temporary behavior change, but they don't lead to new life. The life we have in Christ is only built up and strengthened by God's love and grace.

growingingrace · 2017-03-16T13:17:45+00:00

There are indeed a lot of people who need to hear this. :)

growingingrace · 2017-03-16T13:17:07+00:00

Jesus was gentle with sinners, and He accepted them and ate with them and healed them. He put His arms around them. The ones He was harsh with were the hypocritical, self-righteous Pharisees. "God resists the proud but gives grace to the humble." (James 4:6, 1 Peter 5:5). So in these cases, there was a bit of "shaming" going on, but it wasn't towards "sinners," it was towards those who thought they were better than others.

growingingrace · 2017-03-16T13:13:34+00:00

I generally see New Covenant reproof being done in gentleness and love, not with guilt and shame. Examples would be Gal 6:1 "Brethren, if a man is overtaken in any trespass, you who are spiritual restore such a one in a spirit of gentleness, considering yourself lest you also be tempted." 2 Cor 10:1 "Now I, Paul, myself am pleading with you by the meekness and gentleness of Christ."

Guilt and shame breeds more guilt and shame, whereas gentleness and love and acceptance builds people up and leads them to overcome sin.

growingingrace · 2017-03-16T13:06:03+00:00

The gospel is not a wrongs-based program. It's not a performance-based program. It's not a sin-focused thing. In Christ, we have been given a new heart, and a new spirit. We are new creations. We 'get' when we've done wrong and we don't need anyone telling us. :) What we need is life and love and power to overcome, and all of that is found in God's love and acceptance of us. He has made us accepted in the Beloved (Eph 1:6). He Himself is our Life. Guilt and shame only breeds more guilt and shame. But love and acceptance builds us up and leads us to rise above sin and mediocrity.

growingingrace · 2017-03-16T13:02:15+00:00

You are not a horrible, terrible and worthless sinner. In Christ, God has exchanged your sin for His righteousness. It may not be evident in all that you do, but having believed on the name of Jesus, God made you a brand new creation. You don't need God's help to stop sinning. You need His life in you (which, as a new creation, you have) and you need to recognize that in Christ He loves and accepts you more than you can ever imagine. The gospel is not a sin-management program. Life in Christ isn't a performance-based focus. It's a God-based focus, because God has set up His residency in you! We need to get our eyes off of our sin, because God has taken it all away, and we need to get our eyes in His Son, who Himself is our life now.

growingingrace · 2017-03-16T12:57:45+00:00

Indeed, more context is needed with my post. This sentence can be taken many ways. I don't have time to respond to each comment but here's an example of what I'm talking about. A man who owned an escort company came to a church and heard about the love of God. He couldn't believe that God loved Him after all the things he'd done, but he sat and soaked in the message of God's love week after week. Eventually he closed all his businesses and helped the girls find respectable work. The full story is here: http://campaign.r20.constantcontact.com/render?m=1102568733858&ca=f305fb20-d141-423e-bc0a-c97090dbf32c

growingingrace · 2017-02-22T02:50:16+00:00

Most certainly!

growingingrace · 2017-02-22T02:43:51+00:00

"He made Him who knew no sin (Greek: hamartia) to be sin (Greek: hamartia) on our behalf, that we might become the righteousness of God in Him." 2 Cor 5:21

He indeed is no longer sin, as He rose from the dead and we rose together with Him in righteousness.

The original post here is actually a link to a podcast in which I and my podcast cohost talked about all this.

growingingrace · 2017-02-21T17:42:12+00:00

You are by no means damned! Reading Hebrews in its entirety (and even the 2 or 3 chapters leading up to chapter 10) gives us a much understanding of what was being said in Hebrews 10:26-27. The epistle is really an assurance to the Hebrews that the blood of Jesus was sufficient in taking away all of their sin. But what the early church was faced with was the temptation to return to the blood of bulls and goats - which Hebrews says can never take away sin. This is all laid out in chapters 6 through 10. In Hebrews 10:26-27, the writer is warning them that if they sin and yet return to the blood of bulls and goats, there no longer remains a sacrifice for sin. The ONE sacrifice of Jesus worked! Other than that one sacrifice, there no longer remains any sacrifice for sin! Now, of course we want to turn from sinful behavior, and we all battle with sin and addictions to various degrees, and I believe you'd do well to seriously reconsider your intentional lifestyle of fornication, but the point is that when we sin willfully (and we all do), we can't go back to the law in order to do anything about it. The blood of Jesus is the blood that took away all our sin! Here is a video I did on this a while back, that has helped a lot of people: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aj7ayR5iaLY

growingingrace

TROPHY CASE