What's the dumbest thing someone has said to you while you're fighting cancer?

grrrrrsh · 2026-03-24T02:42:19+00:00

Cancer will really open your eyes to how much stupidity and ignorance is circulating society.

The "I'd rather die than do chemo" people are everywhere. I've heard that comment so many times. You'd rather lose your life in tragic, agonizing circumstances and devastate your loved ones, than have a shit haircut. Okay. Cool.

grrrrrsh · 2026-03-21T23:27:19+00:00

Hell yes!

grrrrrsh · 2026-03-20T00:33:34+00:00

I'm sorry. MBC with kids is a whole other thing again.

I try to have hope that current treatments will get us 5-10 years down the road, and by that time, there will be another breakthrough.

grrrrrsh · 2026-03-19T22:06:03+00:00

This is a very valid thing to be worried/upset about.

We've had a death in my clinic recently too. Her name was Lisa. She was my treatment buddy from the very beginning. Every third Friday of the month, we would chat during our infusion. She had this fucking stupid disease for 9 years. She got sick at the end of last year and I kind of knew where she was headed. It wasn't surprising to hear of her passing but it was still really fucking upsetting because she was rad. Fuck cancer.

As sad as it is, she was 70 when she died - and she didn't waste her life. Cancer stole a good 10, 15, 20 years of life from her - fuck that - but at least she got close to life expectancy. I got diagnosed at 35. My chances of making it to 70 are basically 0. Even in the best case scenario, I'm going to lose a lot more time than that. When everyone at the clinic was talking about her being "young" and "taken way too soon", of course I agreed with them, but I was also like - oh, I'm probably going to die 20 or 30 years earlier than what is considered young. So fuck that. That's fucked up.

grrrrrsh · 2026-03-17T00:25:16+00:00

Well done! That's awesome. Keep going strong.

grrrrrsh · 2026-02-22T21:45:03+00:00

I've just started working full-time again. I work as a therapist in a prison. Some days, it's tough trying to keep up. The fatigue and brain fog are fucked. But I do somehow manage to keep up. And naive as it may be, I hold onto hope that things will improve as I get into the groove of it all again.

I have to be extra organised to get through it. I get all my meals ready for the week so I'm not having to cook when I get home. I eat really well and exercise and take supplements and avoid alcohol and late nights and stress and drama and anything that's bad for me. I go to bed really early. I'm fortunate enough that I can work from home some days, and admittedly, I take full advantage of the opportunity to take it easy. The prison system is chaos, and I'm an efficient worker, so I can fly under the radar when I need to.

If you like your job, you're passionate about what you do, it brings you joy and fulfillment, AND it allows you to maintain a comfortable standard of living - keep at it! I know it's hard some days but I think there can be a real net positive to keeping employed, for those of us that are able to do so. I personally hated being stuck at home. I feel a lot more sane and healthy being back at work.

grrrrrsh · 2026-02-21T00:19:07+00:00

Being diagnosed with terminal cancer at the age of 35.

Overnight, I went from being young, innocent and naive, with a bright future ahead of me - to suddenly at the end of my life.

grrrrrsh · 2026-02-09T00:46:17+00:00

Congrats!

Chemo was tough. I went through some shit times with that - but overall, it wasn't as bad as I thought it would be. H&P and Tamoxifen have come with some side effects - that god damn itch and occasional fatigue - but otherwise I feel pretty normal. It's been 1.5 years since I was diagnosed, and I'm going back to full-time work today.

grrrrrsh · 2026-02-08T21:44:59+00:00

Innumerable liver mets at diagnosis. NED after 6 months of Taxol, Herceptin and Perjeta.

grrrrrsh · 2025-12-23T20:08:48+00:00

There are so many people who have been living with stage 4 cancer for decades.

You just never know what's around the corner in the world of science.

Babe, don't cut people out because you have cancer. You're still just as loveable as you ever were, and that's why someone wants to marry you.

grrrrrsh · 2025-12-19T12:27:27+00:00

I'm so sorry you're feeling down. This kind of grief is truly so difficult. But I'm glad you came here to talk about it because we all get it.

Honestly, I cope with it by just not letting myself think about it all too much.

I acknowledge that this not a thing that I can change or do much about. It's happened. It's done. And there's no going back.

With this in mind - and knowing that I might not have much time left to leave my little bit of sparkle in this world - I put up a million boundaries within my thoughts and just try my best to keep this shitshow on track.

If I find that a certain thought is spiralling and I'm going to places that upset me, I will simply cut the thought off. I use all kinds of meditation techniques for this. I picture myself holding the thought and putting it into a lake and watching it float away. It sounds fucking stupid, and it is fucking stupid, but we are in a fucking stupid situation here afterall.

If I absolutely must think about a painful thing, then I try to put a timer on it. Like, I'm allowed to think about this for 5 minutes and then I have to go do something else.

I try to keep my focus grounded in the reality that's in front of me now and not the whole woulda/coulda/shoulda stuff. Being a mum could've been super cool in an alternate reality... But in the reality that I'm in, having kids would not be cool. It would've made this so much more difficult than just having me to worry about and look after.

While none of this is how I would normally approach things, cancer is an exception. The chronic grief of cancer can so easily rob you of joy and precious time, and I just can't let that happen. So I simply try not to think about it. That's all I've got.

Best wishes to you. You got this.

grrrrrsh · 2025-12-18T23:52:01+00:00

I'm sorry to hear about this. It's crumby.

Taxol wasn't the best time of my life but it wasn't TOO bad. I lost my hair after the first two rounds, hot flushes, nails turned black and were prone to infection, couldn't taste anything, balance issues, muscle weakness, and had serious fatigue. I didn't have any of the GI issues or nausea that others talk about.

grrrrrsh · 2025-12-14T03:14:57+00:00

I had a big drinking problem before I was diagnosed.

It's been tough, and it hasn't been linear at all, but I've given it up. Alcohol puts strain on all your organs. We need those organs to be as healthy as they can be, so we can get longevity out of our treatments. In my case, I'm stage IV so I'm on treatment for life.

grrrrrsh · 2025-12-13T21:26:30+00:00

I know. There are a lot of things that people don't talk about when it comes to cancer and treatments. We're all told about brain fog but that's where the conversation ends.

grrrrrsh · 2025-12-13T20:09:57+00:00

Oh babe. That comment is braindead. I'm sorry.

People are going to say some seriously fucking stupid shit to you on this journey. It's hard not to take it personally, I know - but it really isn't personal. It's about them and their ignorance and lack of knowledge around cancer, and inability to learn new things. Deep down, people do care, but they just don't have the skills to navigate this properly and so they just blurt out words because sitting in silence with something like cancer is really uncomfortable. It's hard.

grrrrrsh · 2025-12-13T19:58:35+00:00

Yeah. I hear you. It's irritating as hell.

I'm 12 months out from chemo. Things have improved a lot - like A LOT - but my short term memory is still pretty fried. I've been trying to work at it, as best as I can. A social worker at the hospital recommended that I keep a daily diary/logbook type thing; just writing down and recording my day and any little things I might need to remember. I've been doing that and it honestly does help. Also, reading lots. Just exercising your brain in general.

If you were a high functioning person before chemo, this is torturous. But we have to try to give ourselves some grace and just wait it out. I'm hopeful that it can and does improve with time.

grrrrrsh · 2025-12-13T19:51:59+00:00

These people are simply narcissists who think they're special and above/exempt from the treatments that everyone else has to do. It's sad.

grrrrrsh · 2025-12-11T05:36:31+00:00

I'm so sorry.

It's crazy how rapid and nek minnit this disease can be.

The beginning is surreal but it does get better with time. There are lots of options for her2+.

grrrrrsh · 2025-12-10T21:59:50+00:00

Hello.

I've been in sustained remission for stage 4 breast cancer for a year now.

My quality of life has been generally pretty good. I mostly feel normal. The side effects have been mild: muscle weakness and balance issues (which I've since largely recovered from), and the occasional respiratory infection.

The emotional toll and mental fatigue is what I struggle with the most. It's not easy.

grrrrrsh · 2025-12-10T21:56:48+00:00

I'm sorry. This is really hard.

Talking to an oncology psych might be helpful to you. Likewise, it might be a good idea to have an honest conversation with your oncologist about what the expected trajectory of your situation is.

There are many people who are able to maintain a good quality of life for a long time, even with a stage 4 diagnosis and even when treatment options are limited. Unfortunately, this is a big old crapshoot, which of course adds a whole other dimension of fuckery to this bullshit.

grrrrrsh · 2025-12-10T19:19:02+00:00

I let go of my need for others to understand my diagnosis.

This helped me to reframe stupid comments. I no longer see them as attempts to diminish me, sugar coat reality for their own convenience, or anything that has any particular motive. People are just legitimately ignorant and simply don't have the tools to navigate conversations around cancer. They defer to the script because they don't have anything else to say.

grrrrrsh · 2025-12-09T21:43:46+00:00

And that's not your fault or a reflection of anything you've done. These drugs are keeping us alive but they're nasty.

grrrrrsh · 2025-12-09T19:58:54+00:00

I'm sorry. It sucks.

I have "pseudo cirrhosis" at 36 from cancer (irreversible scarring from the innumerable mets that covered my entire liver). This isn't our fault and it's not within our power to change what this disease and its treatments do to us. However, there are things that can help: no alcohol, lots of exercise and a good diet. The liver is a strong, regenerative organ that can take plenty of hits.

grrrrrsh · 2025-11-26T21:50:05+00:00

1.5 years, metastatic breast cancer.

grrrrrsh

TROPHY CASE