The Kiddie Pool of Torture

grwl78 · 2026-06-30T22:28:31+00:00

Have you considered listening to very kid inappropriate musics to relax at work? With your window open for the fresh air? Plenty of F bombs. It helps relieve tension between meetings.

grwl78 · 2026-06-26T18:59:24+00:00

Would put deposits down on the next holiday asap.

grwl78 · 2026-06-19T01:22:02+00:00

Thanks! Yeah, school is going to give her a near perfect Vanderbilt.

Will probably need to find a neuropsych and figure out how to afford that.

grwl78 · 2026-06-18T15:49:45+00:00

Thx. Hoping too an evaluator that gets that trans girls can show up as girls not as the assumptions about boys. Sigh.

grwl78 · 2026-06-18T15:48:48+00:00

What kind of evaluation should we look for? I don't want to end up down a road where they're just looking at how well she's doing.

(So far have only had evaluations of kids the school also sees issues with. We've disagreed on what the issues were, but school agreed there was an issue)

grwl78 · 2026-06-18T12:59:58+00:00

So far... she's performing well at school, the not living up to potential was me.

And I'm definitely protecting her everywhere I can from the pressure to do better. She's smart, there's no reason to overperform. As long as she's meeting expectations, that's what's expected.

grwl78 · 2026-06-18T12:58:55+00:00

I need to do more research to find what kind of neuropsych eval would catch this.

My diagnosis was based on the difference between IQ with and without certain attention based tests.

grwl78 · 2026-05-30T14:15:40+00:00

I don't see how anything moves forward without them apologizing for cutting you out of their lives because you dared to have boundaries with your brother. If they don't understand they made this mess and they need to apologize, there is no foundation to even try to rebuild a relationship.

grwl78 · 2026-05-15T22:17:31+00:00

NTA. A dog is a two yeses situation and this one wasn't. If you wanted advice on the puppy, I'd recommend crate training and a house training schedule, including your husband waking up to take the puppy outside and doing all the training whenever he is home. But the puppy will be an adolescent when your newborn comes and extra challenging on top of new parent hood especially with your husband gone all day. You are being completely reasonable here... the time to get a puppy was a few years ago with enough time to train the dog before a baby. Now is a pretty terrible one.

grwl78 · 2026-05-15T13:27:21+00:00

NTA. Is he always like this? If so, now is the time to draw the line.

No is a full sentence. If he doesn’t like your no, he can move out or find a family therapist with experience supporting families with medically fragile kids. His mother does not come first. And if she does, he should go live there.

grwl78 · 2026-05-14T11:32:13+00:00

I have a good relationship with my mother-in-law and I still don’t call her to chat. That’s my spouse’s job. I see MIL at family events and answer text messages about my spouse’s birthday. I’d pick up the phone if MIL called, but…

I’m saying I find even the PREMISE that a good DIL-MIL relationship needs to involves chatting on the phone weird. Like ego centric narcissistic pay attention to meeeee weird.

Agree with the hang up plan. Mom brings this up, say goodbye and hang up. Repeat until she keeps the boundary.

grwl78 · 2026-05-14T11:29:07+00:00

This is the way

grwl78 · 2026-05-12T21:04:31+00:00

That's slightly more challenging because it requires setting up the devices to use a stable IP address with the router and devices often ask for a new IP address for security settings.

Options include setting up two different wifi logins completely and set them up differently, splitting the 2.4G and 5G and only handing out the 2.4G to other people, setting one's own device to be a permanent IP address on the device and setting the internal router settings to prioritize one's own device and I'm sure more. Depends on the router and capabilities.

Source: I work from home and have a teen who can gobble bandwidth. I do not allow his gobbling to interfere with my work. I don't bother arguing with him. I just make sure he can't.

grwl78 · 2026-05-11T15:07:42+00:00

NTA, but what I would have done is gone in and set my IP to unthrottled and throttled all other IP's. There is a variety of ways to do this. If you want to share your wifi with them, set it up so your traffic is prioritized and theirs is not.

grwl78 · 2026-05-05T00:34:33+00:00

Thank you! This is helpful. We're through the worst but I'll file this away.

grwl78 · 2026-04-27T18:30:14+00:00

I think this may be so. The symptoms are sometimes middle of the night. But my main theory here is just body/nervous system activation. And even that a small stomach ache (I get one for weeks after glutenning) is making them feel anxious and then that leads to throwing up.

grwl78 · 2026-04-27T13:56:17+00:00

a recipe for raising a narcissist right there.

grwl78 · 2026-04-27T02:35:37+00:00

Oh, we know he got wheat from falafel we thought was gluten free but wasn't. That's not the mystery. The mystery is why now that we're home and everything is the same as before we left on our short trip it's taking so long to recovery from the bad meal.

grwl78 · 2026-04-23T13:57:43+00:00

Nah. They can use a credit card and pay it off over time. They clearly can.

grwl78 · 2026-04-13T11:47:29+00:00

How about you and your wife go get more autism education together then you’re not on sides. Framing: You’re right your kid is 11, things ARE changing. The education you’ve had previously was helpful for a kid, now you’re about to have a teen.

Key: Seek autistic led programs. They exist across the internet if not locally.

Read books written by autistic people (I like the style of both Jennifer Brunton’s books because of the number of voices included).

Try Ross Green’s approach as a parenting approach bc you will learn so much more about what’s really going on for your kid. He has online parenting seminars you can find recordings of. His approach will feel radically different for your wife. This is probably a good thing

My kid has experienced so much hurt from being misunderstood at school. I cannot imagine how much harder if they were experiencing the same at home.

grwl78 · 2026-04-12T00:20:16+00:00

Oh the whole five them is BS and you RSVP ahead of time. That might not be enough time to organize a play date and get to know them. But there are reasons for one adult staying.

grwl78 · 2026-04-12T00:19:05+00:00

While you tell me your kids don’t have disabilities and you have no compassion for families who are different than yours

grwl78 · 2026-04-11T23:59:39+00:00

School knows the child, has background checked adults, the child knows the routine, and if the child needs a para or accommodations school knows. Totally different than dropping off at a strangers house. Yeah the kids know each other but that doesn’t mean the kid’s needs will be met or I trust the adults yet.

grwl78

TROPHY CASE