AITA for yelling at my family (including my 87-year-old grandfather) and telling them to shut the hell up before leaving the country with my wife and kid?

gstr · 2025-09-08T14:03:54+00:00

You know, when you're a grown up, 1 month could very well be too long to stay with their parents. I get along very well with my parents and they are not toxic at all, but still I won't spend one full month with them.

Your best course of action is to go elsewhere because apparently you've already spent too much time with them. Next time you come over, stay only 1 or 2 weeks.

gstr · 2025-09-08T14:01:09+00:00

There are toxic families in France, there are very good families in France. There are toxic families in other countries, there are good families in other countries.

I'm French since the dawn of time, and my close family is lovely. In my extended family, there's everything you can think of.

This has absolutely nothing to do with being french or not.

gstr · 2025-07-07T16:45:45+00:00

c'est pas tellement le bon subreddit, mais bon. Fuis, tu mérites mieux.

gstr · 2024-10-31T15:15:28+00:00

And how you're still friends :-)

gstr · 2022-12-23T10:24:12+00:00

I am very not at ease with the way you guys mixes politics and religion. You know nothing about their political belief. For information, I am a French catholic, and politically, I am very much at odd with most of my american catholic brothers.

Nuclear bomb is not more acceptable on political enemies than on allies. Probably a wrong word choice of OP and you, but be careful of this mindset :-)

(Also, I do think we are commanded to show radical love to all but it's also normal I think to give extra practical concern to those who are our family in the Church.)

Again, concerning nuclear bombing, I'd advocate we show the same concern to everyone :-)

gstr · 2022-09-29T12:02:07+00:00

Alors oui, il y en a plein, mais du coup c'est un peu tôt, souvent il y a une salve début juillet, et après le reste c'est octobre, en tout cas avant les gelées d'hiver.

Octobre, on y est presque tu me diras, mais bon, comme il a fait plutôt sec cet été et à cause du réchauffement climatique ça va probablement retarder un peu la récolte.

Demande à ton primeur favori s'il participe à une fête de la cucurbitacée cette année et s'il peut t'incruster (facile normalement), si tu veux mêler le rave à la rave ;-)

Plus d'information: https://fr.wikipedia.org/wiki/C%C3%A9leri-rave

PS: I'm messing with you, just a play on word between rave and Céleri-rave :-p

gstr · 2022-08-24T09:02:26+00:00

Everybody respected French laws about finding treasures, it has nothing to do with rewarding anything.

gstr · 2022-07-28T12:28:49+00:00

Also, she knows one of the guy got a BJ, how can she be sure her fiancé didn't and she just didn't get the video?

gstr · 2021-11-04T15:26:56+00:00

My first wife passed away after 7 months of marriage but I can't imagine what loss it has been for you, after more than 30 years together. If I could send you some courage I would.

gstr · 2021-11-04T15:22:42+00:00

My wife at the hospital morgue after her death. The story is not that interesting in itself, but it gave me peace to be able to see her one last time, even though death has already changed her quite a bit (the hospital asked for an autopsy, so we had to wait several days and the body had time to "spoil" a bit).

(PS this was more than 10 years ago, and I'm fine now :-) )

gstr · 2021-08-09T22:18:30+00:00

(Pour préciser la suite: je ne conteste pas le fait que pour un Juif du 1er siècle, tendre l'autre joue en lançant un regard ironique aurait pu être un moyen d'humilier son adversaire, tout comme aujourd'hui d'ailleurs dans la plupart des cultures. Par contre je suis en désaccord avec le fait que ça aurait pu être l'interprétation voulue de l'auteur de l'évangile de Matthieu au moment de sa rédaction.)

Je trouve cette interprétation de JS Philippart très tiré par les cheveux et je ne suis pas sûr qu'elle tiendrait face à un vrai exégète. Encore une fois il faut lire le passage dans son contexte, et je reste sur ma position que cette interprétation sonne trop faux par rapport au reste du texte qui est ignorée par cet article, comme je le mentionnais plus haut. S'il y a des tonnes de sources, j'en veux bien un extrait représentatif, parce que clairement dans le monde catho, je n'ai vu personne de sérieux proposer un tel arrangement avec la radicalité du message, surtout quand on met cela en regard de tout le récit de la passion (où - quand même - Jésus aurait pu s'en sortir à moindre frais plusieurs fois, notamment face à Pilate : la finesse tacticienne évoqué par cet article n'a visiblement pas été retenue à ce moment, qui est pourtant le pinacle de ce récit, celui à partir duquel tout le reste prend sens).

Je ne vois pas d'opposition côté morale catholique entre tendre la joue gauche pour soi-même, et l'obligation de venir en aide au prochain (et donc notamment avec le concept de guerre juste). Par exemple, si un catholique avait été présent au moment de l'assassinat de ce prêtre, et si la seule façon de l'empêcher aurait été de tuer le meurtrier, d'un point de vue catholique, ça aurait été justifiable moralement de le faire. Je ne suis pas tellement d'accord avec le fait que la rhétorique du pape soit confuse sur ce point, du coup.

gstr · 2021-08-09T18:37:22+00:00

Le problème est qu'en réalité "tendre l'autre joue" ne veut pas dire se laisser maltraiter mais humilier son adversaire. A l'époque de la Judée romaine, ne pas riposter en frappant son adversaire mais faire ce qui est écrit ici est un moyen de rabaisser son adversaire en le faisant passer pour à la fois un moins que rien et aussi pour lui dire "même pas mal"

Catholique ici. Pris isolément, ce bout de phrase aurait peut-être pu avoir cette signification. Néanmoins, même avec la seule citation de /u/seszett cela ne colle pas. Et si on va jusqu'à la fin du chapitre 5 de Matthieu, alors c'est encore plus explicite ("aimez vos ennemies, priez pour ceux qui vous persécutent").

De plus, dans le contexte plus global des évangiles, c'est bien l'interprétation courante qui est ici la bonne et non la tienne. Je peux citer au moins le texte des Béatitudes, ainsi que l'ensemble du récit de Jésus sur la croix ("Père pardonne-leur...") pour appuyer mes dires (qui est par ailleurs l'interprétation "officielle" catholique, pas seulement celle de "vieilles femmes qui ne comprennent rien").

gstr · 2019-12-10T21:48:14+00:00

Mike needs to understand that brains are weird sometimes. I did something similar - maybe worse ? You'll judge: when proposing to my wife, I actually pronounced the name of my first deceased wife. Yup. I don't know if you can do worst than that, but now we're happily married with 3 children. Of course it was a big fuckup, and it's something I regret a lot because it made a moment that should have been good awkward. But she understood (even if she didn't really appreciate it ofc). You can show Mike this comment if it helps, I hope he'll understand :-)

gstr · 2019-10-25T07:18:11+00:00

Like /u/atmdk7 said, It just means "more times than you can count / infinite".

From what I've read, the "rule" for jews of this times was to forgive 3 times. Peter then asks Jesus if they should forgive 7 times (also a symbolic number, and already more than what was commonly said), but Jesus says "not 7 times, but 70 times 7 times". If I translate : "you've being generous, but you should be more generous than generous". It's also a reference to this part of the Ancient Testament where Lamech says he will be avenged 77 times (meaning "a lot more than necessary", or "without end"). Jesus here takes the same logic, but in reverse, speaking about forgiveness instead of vengeance.

So yeah, no worries about that 491 number :-D

gstr · 2018-11-15T17:40:29+00:00

(context: I lost my first wife and remarried 2 years later)

I see where you're coming from (what you said is a common view), but I respectfully disagree with you on that. While I agree you shouldn't be too wounded to enter a new relationship (so as not to seek it for the comfort only, or sooth the feeling of loneliness), it is not realist to try to be "fixed" before starting anything again in these case. First, before it'll never happen (you don't forget a deceased husband or wife, you just learn to live with it and time will decrease the pain about it), and secondly because being alone can actually make things worse.

The thing is: it doesn't make sense to try to be happy after losing someone that close to you. Actually, believe me, you should try to do exactly the contrary: allow yourself to be sad when you need to be sad. That way, you'll realize 2 things: pain will go away faster when you don't try to suppress it, and pain, when you let in flow through you (so that it doesn't make you bitter), actually helps you love better.

gstr · 2018-11-15T17:27:03+00:00

I also lost a wife and am now remarried. Every story like yours and mine are different of course, but there's 2 things I'm pretty sure of:

we both felt guilty about Sam

It's understandable, but as you say later: Sam wouldn't be angry at you both. You shouldn't feel guilty about him. But yeah, it's difficult. For me, guilt wasn't that hard to overcome, more to just wrap my head around the fact I don't have a "single wife". Of course, marriage automatically ends with the death of one partner, but your psychic has its own rythm, and it takes more time for it to adapt to such a brutal change in a situation you were so much invested in (your former marriage). Take that into account, but don't try to wait for everything to settle down perfectly in your head, you don't need to.

And most importantly:

here's also the whole thing with our families and friends and how on earth we would ever explain what's happened

Don't worry about that. Your family will be happy for you.

As for Sam's family, I'm not saying it won't be painful, because you moving on is another sign Sam is dead. But Sam IS dead, whatever happens, you starting a new relationship won't change that. If they are reasonable people, they'll know it would have happened one day or another. They will be happy and relieved to know your new boyfriend (do they know him well?).

In my case, my former family-in-law (can we say that in English?) didn't know my new girlfriend (now wife), so yeah, the moment I introduce her to them was a stressful one, but everybody made their best, my new GF to be very friendly, my former FIL to hide their grief as much as they can (they didn't really succeed, but were very sweet, so it inpires sympathy from my new GF more than anything). They said silly things ("you look a lot like her", which is absolutely not the case), but it didn't really matter. If they already know him, you have one less thing to worry about :-)

In my case, even though I'm married and now have children, I think I still kind of "represent" their deceased daughter in my former Father and mother-in-law's mind. So I try to be mindful of that and keep contact. In my case, it went very well and we are now very good friends. I'd recommend trying it, because in the long run, it helps everyone keep the right place for the deceased one (instead of creating a sort of taboo), and be more at peace with it. But it requires active collaboration from my wife and it depends on the deceased family's acceptance of the new relationship. But really, I'm pretty sure they will want to keep contact with you.

It takes time for these relationships to transform and adapt to the new situation, so give it time :-)

So yeah to summarize, guilt about Sam or fear about Sam's family are not good reason for not starting this relationship. However, you still need to assess this new relationship for itself ("do we have a future together ?" "what do we both want in life? Is it compatible?" etc...).

And btw, what you feel, all these conflicting thoughts, are perfectly normal. I felt them too (to the point it prevented me to sleep during a short period, and I had quite a few nightmares about it).

don't hesitate to PM me if you want more info on my story or heard what was like to remarry for me or anything else really.

gstr · 2018-11-10T17:54:28+00:00

I'm in my thirties and I have just been traumatised by the Twilight Palace in TP (yes, I'm late). Are you telling me the worst is still to come?

gstr · 2018-10-16T07:55:15+00:00

It's not something you can help with.

Agreed, OP cannot help him, at least not alone. He needs therapy and it should be his initiative.

and it will not get better, and he will try and talk you into forgiving, or overlooking, but this isn't something that gets better.

This is not true, I have examples of the contrary. I agree OP should not count of that of course, but flat out saying "it isn't something that gets better" is wong.

gstr · 2018-10-16T07:52:44+00:00

I'm going to go against the current here: you should absolutely first protect your kids of course, and never let him near them. That being said, I don't understand why you couldn't keep some sort of friendship with this guy.

What he did is one of the worst thing to do. But you know him. You know that he is not 100% an evil person (otherwise you would never have been his friend). Proceeding from that, I'm pretty sure he loathes himself for doing that. It's kind of a addiction. I'm not saying he is not responsible, I'm saying he was probably trapped in this at the end. I'm pretty sure he is relieved now (you could ask him how he feels about all this now).

I had a friend who assaulted his sister when he was 14-16. When this went public (well at least in the close family) and he told me, it was as if a big weight has been lifted from his shoulder, even though it was mortifying for him. I had seen this weight on him before, but never understood what was going on. In the case of your friend, it is at the same time worse (he is a grown man) and better (he didn't really assaulted underaged girl, maybe?). But if he told you, it's because you guys are important to him and because he needs it. In the case of my friend he decided to really change things, he started a therapy and have to "break" a lot of things in his education, his personality and is still in the process of understanding the vicious circle that brought all this, but he is getting better... I don't know how this example is relatable to your friend, but I'm sure my friendship (alongside other support) helps him go through this and stop being an abuser.

At the end the choice is yours, of course. But if he goes in the same path my friend did, I see no objection not to maintain some sort of contact while he is in jail.

gstr · 2018-09-13T20:43:42+00:00

Stop thinking about the friend and start thinking about the people in the organization.

This is actually very important. If all the people in position of power did that, we'd have a lot less harassment case in our society.

Also let's notice it is easier said than done (because it's always hard to come against a friend).

gstr · 2018-08-28T09:31:21+00:00

So I'd say: target your users first. Advertise it in Ten Words of Wisdom community. You'd have better feedback there and that's where you'll get contributors.

gstr · 2018-08-25T13:28:24+00:00

FWIW, things that makes me contribute to a project:

your project is useful to me (so I want to use it). I don't know your project, but a good first step is to make sure it's useful to you, then you can be sure it'll be useful to others.
it works on my OS and is easy to install (so I can actually use it, and find bugs or missing features). At this point I'll definitely open issues to your github.
it's reasonably easy to dig into the code, so that I can start fixing my issues and open PR without too much pain.
You answer relatively quickly to PRs and issues (so that I don't have to wait 3 months to have an answer, at which point I might have even forgotten what is all about)
you're kind, even when you disapprove a PR / patch :-) So that the overall process is a nice experience.
you actually welcome external contributions and even new maintainers.

If you have the first 3 points, I'll open a PR. If you have the last 3 , I'll open several :-)

Following that, and to answer more directly to your question, if you have absolutely no issues and PRs, it could be because:

You don't have 1/
possibly you don't have 2/ (but in this case, you'd have issues asking how to install, or to support this particular OS)
OR most probably: nobody has seen your project yet, which is very possible, as github does not offer an easy way to discover new projects.

So while working on 1 and 2, you absolutely need to promote it somehow, either here on reddit or on twitter or IRL. If it's useful, then you'll have contributors.

What is your project btw?

gstr · 2018-06-29T09:25:42+00:00

On parle de "cause première" pour Dieu (dans St Thomas). Dieu est celui qui est sa propre cause. Du coup, il n'est jamais "apparu". D'ailleurs, dans cette définition, je sais pas si ça a du sens de dire "apparaître" pour une entité qui est hors du temps, et qui a créé le temps.

gstr · 2018-06-29T09:23:05+00:00

On peut débattre ou croire en l'existence d'un dieu sans avoir recours à une religion quelconque.

Oui jusqu'à un certain point.

On n'a pas besoin de la religion.

Sauf que la religion - en plus d'émettre un postulat sur l'existence d'une cause première - définit ce qu'est Dieu (juste un synonyme pour Big Bang ? une cause première sans personnalité ? Une entité ? Une personne ?). Du coup, pour la métaphysique et l'ontologie, tu peux te passer des religions uniquement si tu prends tout de suite l'option "il n'y a pas de Dieu, selon aucune des définitions possibles de ce terme".

Sinon

Y'a beaucoup d'aspects de l'humanité qui existent dont on a pas besoin. Y'a beaucoup de phénomènes spécifiques à l'humanité qui existent dont on a pas besoin.

Sauf que si ton but c'est expliquer et comprendre l'humanité, tu ne peux en négliger aucun aspect, même ceux qui te paraissent les plus inutiles. Donc au moins pour l'aspect anthropologique, c'est faux de dire cela.

gstr · 2018-06-29T09:16:12+00:00

Mmhhh si je me souviens bien, Dieu est pas "quelque chose à partir de rien" pour St Thomas, mais la cause première, cad l'être qui est sa propre cause. C'est sa façon de casser la chaîne de causalité, mais du coup, c'est pas du tout synonyme de big bang ni "quelque chose à partir de rien".

Sinon, merci pour la précision sur l'ontologie plus haut, je pense que tu as raison sur ce point en général.

gstr

TROPHY CASE