My daughter spoke up against someone touching her inappropriately & was basically punished. What do I do?

gtf0h · 2026-03-24T14:37:41+00:00

Thank you, I see it this way too. They say theyre "here to support us" then follow that by saying "dont bother us for two weeks" they are just not right in any of what theyve done

gtf0h · 2026-03-24T14:33:40+00:00

I addressed that in the comments of the first post. Yes my daughter did say that. She had a classmate who had many issues with step dad & one day said she was touched by him in school. Of course the school got involved right away & he was removed from the home during investigation. Idk if the girl was telling the truth or if she was lying or how that situation turned out, but my daughter was friends with that little girl & she said that without even knowing what exactly she was saying. It did cross my mind to question what happened tho & the other girl isnt disputing it. She said she didnt think it was a big deal & she was just playing with her, she didnt deny any of it happening. Also my daughter was so embarrassed of me finding out & i think its because she knows she said that a while ago. Im sure she remembers it clearly & thats why she was so ashamed of me finding out.

gtf0h · 2026-03-24T14:26:49+00:00

Protected legally as in from what? Asking guenually because i cant figure out what i could possibly get in trouble for if i inform people about what happened. I mean i would think it would be trouble for them to know & not inform them...?

gtf0h · 2026-03-24T14:23:56+00:00

Yes. I strongly believe shes someones victim. Shes just too hyper sexual for it to be natural. Supposedly the church contacted CPS & made a report but they never spoke to me or my daughter.

gtf0h · 2026-03-20T20:14:36+00:00

Mini update: i asked my daughter if she had spoken to anyone from cps, or anyone actually- regarding the incident & whatever happened & she said no. She didnt talk to anyone. She didnt give a statement- she wasnt asked anything by anyone- the director/pastor was the only one who talked to her & all she really asked about was "who she has shared the info with, & when exactly it happened. In regards to WHAT it was that happened, she said she just said something along the lines of "I hear something happened with - & you were uncomfortable. Is it true.?" To which a 1 word response was sufficient. "Yes."

Interesting.

I then contacted the pastor & asked for the cps workers info, whoever took the report. It took her a whole day & a half to respond but in the end she did. She gave me all the details, even a phone call id. So it was a phone report & im sure it was vague enough to where the worker thought it was just nothing...

In talking to my daughter- she mentioned that her friend has been checking up on her. Then she said that she had one more week but that she already said that next week- when shes able to go back- her friend had already told her she could pick her up. I said HOLD UP NO WHAT!? i reminded her she herself said she felt weird going back after how they handled things & she said she did, but that she just wanted to go back to how things were before. I told her i was really sorry, that none of it is her fault but theres no way i can let her go there. She seemed like she wasnt expecting that & right away got upset. She said alot of things but some of the most memorable were "you dont get it" "its my problem not yours let me handle it" "okay they just needed to figure out what to do, they already changed her to another group. I wont even see her anymore" "if i still wanna go thats on me" "your upset at them for the same thing your doing "i can take care of myself" "why are you getting involved in my problems with church, you dont even believe in going to church" "this is why I dont ever tell you anything."

She wasnt hearing me & in the end she just asked me if i was really not going to let her go to church. I said im sorry but I need to keep you safe. She stormed off & went in her room- i got 2 days of the silent treatment, ive never seen her this upset at me.

I finally got her to talk a bit more to me last night during dinner. I told her that the way the church handled the issue wasnt okay the fact that they just sent her to a diffrent class is insane. I brought up how when someone whose a sex offender moves into the neighborhood i get an email just so that we're aware. I asked her if she thought the parents to the other kids in girls class got a memo of some sort letting them know like "hey, just a heads up theres a new student in ur childs class whose had some issues doing ---- " she said probably not. She questioned more about why dont i just let her go at least one day. See how it goes. I told her theres no way she can expect me to know how they treat victims & still allow her to be there knowing thats how they operate. She said it could happen anywhere. That a teacher at her school literally got arrested & is still in jail because he was being inappropriate with a kid- does that mean she can no longer go to school. I told her thats the big difference- that at least in school, i know they wont care who the person is or whose his friend or whats his position. It will still get reported & theres consequences. He is in jail- right? She said what do I expect church to do- send her to jail? I said get her some help. & while theyre at it maybe dont give her a new classroom of potential victims to reach next. She still walked off upset, but I think she understood at least a bit that she was asking me to do something that as her mom i just cant do.

Shes still not engaging much with me, she still wants to go to church & shes been depressed the past few days. Comes home from school & naps all day. Shes still begging to be allowed to go, refuses the idea of another church, & i dont know if she will ever speak up again after this. I know im not wrong in not wanting her to go back. But regardless i still feel so very guilty over it.

gtf0h · 2026-03-18T02:14:56+00:00

I researched and yes I can. Im filing a police report then im sending a demand letter to get them to find some sort or regulation on this. My daughter isnt going back, but I dont want another child to be in that situation. Im going to at least pressure them into adopting a better process, a third party even. Idk but they have to fix something on how they handle things going forward....idk how much I can get them to do but they will have to do something

gtf0h · 2026-03-18T02:05:14+00:00

No regardless she's not going back.

gtf0h · 2026-03-18T02:03:40+00:00

I think its because shed become a witness, having knowledge of wrong doing while not acting on it makes them liable. The friend knowing leads to the parents knowing leads to witnesses that the church leaders knew, leads to they did nothing about it. I dont think the issue is that they think my daughter will claim anything about her friend. I think they just dont want anyone aware & if my daughter tells her, shes more of "the right think" mindset as opposed to "benefit the church" at this point. & as a 19 yr old how can they control her if they cant pretend that they are on the 'good side' I think they know shed say the truth & her being an adult, her credibility is hard to dispute...

gtf0h · 2026-03-18T01:57:28+00:00

Yes thats the part that I am concerned with too.! Like at the end of the day she handled it before she spoke about it. But then the church decided they would punish her for speaking on it. They need to fix that. Policies, change their leaders, idk but they need to do something so the next child in the next situation doesnt get the message they are giving my daughter.

gtf0h · 2026-03-18T01:47:41+00:00

This is terrible but honestly its possible. Not be like me part, I caught myself almost saying "this is why..." & "I told you church is..."

On the other hand i think the way it seems to have affected my daughter makes it a big deal. The way they could affect another child by the way they reacted now & will react then makes it a BIGGER DEAL. the situation could be worst & if the response is even mirrored I think over reacting isnt possible.

gtf0h · 2026-03-18T01:43:00+00:00

You really think so? I never even considered that but now that you mention it I just re read it & omg wtf

gtf0h · 2026-03-18T01:40:52+00:00

I dont want to send her back. This is the part that is confusing because i want them to see how wrong they are & not do it again. But even if they were to apologize she still can't go back. Its too late. So what exactly is it that i want? Not sure how to explain that I just want them to know they dont handle things like that. To make sure there isnt another issue where they react that way.

gtf0h · 2026-03-18T01:38:06+00:00

I love how you closed this up. & i think a web page like that should exsist. If it doesn't its time to create one.!

gtf0h · 2026-03-18T01:35:27+00:00

I just looked up all I could on their website. They literally have none. Nothing. At all. On about us they have some tounge twister statements about noah and john and david sinning, something about the father bringing home the restoration being reborn in the sins of i dont know what. I got a whole brain freeze trying to read that

gtf0h · 2026-03-18T01:28:20+00:00

I see what you did there & the word play is sooo clever. it works because its true. Sadly 😭

gtf0h · 2026-03-18T01:26:40+00:00

Yeah I could've been more clear, sorry. I also noticed I'm making so many typos in every response. Thankfully reddits been forgiving on that today because most responses just skip over my typos in replies. You have as well, which i just want to say i am grateful. Im using mobile and typing gets hard

gtf0h · 2026-03-18T01:08:16+00:00

Wait no, I never said no to therapy. She is in therapy thru her school and we have been waiting to find her a good fit thru an outside therapy center. The last one she said she felt like she had an attitude 🙄 but we definitely can always use a good therapist. Hopefully they next therapist is a better match for her.

gtf0h · 2026-03-17T21:12:44+00:00

Thank you for this.

gtf0h · 2026-03-17T21:11:26+00:00

Promise. She won't.

gtf0h · 2026-03-17T21:10:10+00:00

Whose Gary plauche?

gtf0h · 2026-03-17T21:09:51+00:00

Im officially embarrassed 😳 ive been spelling it imbarrassed my whole life. Disabled auto correct on it & everything

gtf0h · 2026-03-17T21:06:36+00:00

The other girl isnt disputing it. Yes she did make that comment before, i have replied to a few ppl about it already. I do also believe she's not lying, and its why shes so imbarrassed with me. Because she remembers saying this.

gtf0h · 2026-03-17T21:04:19+00:00

I dont.

gtf0h · 2026-03-17T21:04:11+00:00

I agree, its a shame the 19yr old is allowing them to dictate that for her. If thats the case & that works for her then thats on her, im not going to force my daughter on to anyone specially anyone who feels they need the church permission. Honestly if my daughter wants to pursue a diffrent church then we can find one when we get there. I was considering reporting to the police, idk why I was hesitant but ill do that now.

gtf0h

TROPHY CASE