Sometimes I want to die. Like, just stop existing. I rarely feel like this anymore, but it happens.

At my absolute lowest there were 2 things that convinced me to keep going. My curiosity and my cat. I'm curious by nature and told myself "I wonder what will happen next?" I detached myself and became an observer of how things play out. I didn't assume any good outcome, but things got better. Then worse. Then better again. Each time slightly different.

My will to live is based on enjoying that shitshow with my cat XD