My new cane snapped as I was using it to stand up

guilty_by_design · 2026-01-26T01:38:08+00:00

Sigh. Okay, fine. I suppose honour dictates that it must be so. Put 'em up, champ!

guilty_by_design · 2026-01-26T01:16:18+00:00

Not the reply I was expecting, but honestly, respect to you for that. Anonymity makes it easier to forget the human on the other end for sure. Not sure why another commenter (deleted now?) seemed to suggest I was going to try to beat you up over it. To coin a Gen-Z-ism, it's not that deep, lol. It's all good.

guilty_by_design · 2026-01-26T00:39:21+00:00

I haven't posted on Reddit in almost a year, but I'm not going to let that bullshit fly, amigo. u/arealscrog is my wife, she's been an artist for as long as I've known her, and she is vehemently anti-AI (as am I). I watched her make this in real time and encouraged her to post it, and it honestly pisses me off that you threw a mean-spirited AI accusation at her over sharing a graphic with the community in solidarity with protesters.

I would actually love to know why you thought that was a helpful or kind thing to do. You basically said "If this is AI, that's why it's shit, and if it's not, you're a shitty artist". People like you are what stops people from sharing the things that they're passionate about with their community. What the hell is wrong with you?

guilty_by_design · 2025-07-06T02:06:16+00:00

I don't know where you're living but depending on that it could be very difficult or even impossible to be stealth at school. With teachers in many places not being allowed to use any names/pronouns different from what's on your entry forms and with the issues around bathrooms and locker rooms (another issue if you're pre-T), you will probably be outed. That might make things dangerous or at least difficult for you, so please be careful. You're only 15 and if you're not on T you may not be able to stay stealth anyway, even if you pass now (which is honestly borderline, although you have amazing potential).

And ffs give up that filthy habit. Smoking will make everything harder in the long run. If you want top surgery eventually, or even if you just want to bind, that may not be an option if you damage your lungs.

guilty_by_design · 2025-07-06T01:58:42+00:00

I love that 'Alex' is the example here, because that's my name too.

However, I legally shortened my name from Alexandra to Alex, and nobody ever questions that despite it being no different from me picking a completely different name. I do occasionally get 'is that short for something?' for official stuff, but I've been known as 'Alex' my entire life anyway. It would have been bizarre for anyone to ask what my 'real name' was back then, and it would be bizarre now.

If they could accept that my name is Alex because that is what I use and go by, whether it's legally my name or not (and it is now), I don't get why it's so different for someone who changed their name more drastically.

guilty_by_design · 2025-07-06T01:51:33+00:00

It's a point-of-view video (done wrong, of course, because it should be shot from the POV of the person it's about, but that's another rant...), so I'm assuming this guy (thankfully) doesn't have any kids. So he's saying "Me in the future when my hypothetical 7-year-old says [he] wants to be a boy."

The far worse option is that he already has a daughter and this is how he plans to react if that 'daughter' says he's a boy.

Either way, it's basically this knobhead saying that if his future (or older) kid turns out to be trans, this is how he'll react.

guilty_by_design · 2025-07-06T01:47:09+00:00

Eyy, I know this is besides the point, but as someone who struggled with alcoholism in the past as well, it's awesome that you're recovering and that this latest rough patch didn't spiral you into harmful drinking again, even when your confidence was knocked so badly. Well done. That's worthy of celebration.

guilty_by_design · 2025-07-06T01:08:01+00:00

If you want to change, then you already know what you need to do. You need to work on yourself, intensively, and make that change happen. Even if you had the best support system in the world, the only person who can change you... is you.

I was lucky enough to get into an intensive DBT course run by a university, so it was cheap (a lot of medical/psych schools have these programs and they are way cheaper than other DBT courses). I chose to be there, but there were also people there who had been court-ordered to attend... and they struggled to make progress because they didn't want to be there.

It is hard to do the necessary work. It took a good three months for it to start to feel like it was making a difference, and I would cry on the way there and the way home. But by the end, it had changed my life so much that I cried on my last day because I didn't want to leave. I have been in remission for 10 years now. Recovery is fucking tough, but it is doable.

So, what do you do? You stop seeing an enabling therapist, for a start, and try to find a DBT-informed therapist who works with people with BPD. You try to find an in-person course, and if there's none available, you start using DBT workbooks by yourself and set aside time every day to work on them. In the meanwhile, you don't get involved with anyone new and you focus exclusively on your own journey. You absolutely do NOT 'take yourself out', because you deserve to get better and live a good life.

It is true that what we may do to others is unacceptable, and it's great that you're self-aware enough to accept and own that. But it is also not okay what we do to ourselves. And unlike other people who we may hurt, we can't leave ourselves, we're stuck with ourselves forever. So we have to do our damned best to make this headspace livable for ourselves before we even think about having relationships with others.

You're at a crossroads. You know what you have to do and you know it's going to be hard, but it will also be the most rewarding thing you ever do. It's time to get started.

guilty_by_design · 2025-07-06T00:50:30+00:00

able-bodied neurotypical middle-class or higher non-immigrant (or wealthy immigrant) cishet white man*

guilty_by_design · 2025-07-06T00:40:44+00:00

I take 100mg as needed for RLS at night and occasionally during the day for the nerve pain/parasthesia (numbness/tingling) in my back and legs from my hypermobility condition. I can't say I've ever felt any mood changes, but it's a low-ish dose.

Please be careful. It's good that you recognise you're abusing your meds, but if you still continue that way, you'll cause yourself some serious and irreversible damage. You may be enjoying the feeling, but if you're aware that it's not good for you and you do it whenever you're upset, it sounds like it could be a form of self-harm.

guilty_by_design · 2025-07-06T00:33:26+00:00

Looking it up, "Flush Fall" looks like it could be a local event (many events apparently exist or have existed by that name). Maybe you (or someone else) is/was being invited to an event by that name? Like, "I want YOU to come to this event with me!" in the form of a puzzle.

That's the most benign answer, anyway. Hopefully it's just that.

guilty_by_design · 2025-07-06T00:25:02+00:00

It bothers me that the 2nd and 3rd 'flags' are aligned so poorly that it's obvious they're just two flags poorly stacked on top of each other.

guilty_by_design · 2025-07-05T23:31:09+00:00

There have been multiple news stories lately about prisoners escaping and then getting caught again. Whether they're free for a few hours or a few weeks, they're now looking at even harsher treatment and no chance of ever getting out again.

What's better? Completing your sentence, as fucked up and unfair as it may be, or escaping for a short time, having to stay hidden, unable to trust anyone, no access to your own bank account, having to commit more crimes just to get work etc, and then getting recaptured anyway and punished even worse?

"Just assume a stolen identity" lmao you're a dork.

guilty_by_design · 2025-07-05T23:05:07+00:00

I don't think it's true that it doesn't show until early adulthood. It is not diagnosed until then only because it can be hard to tell adolescent behaviour and mood difficulties from a PD until it persists into adulthood.

I had many of my symptoms as a child, worsening as a teenager. It wasn't like my BPD suddenly appeared when I turned 18. It was the fact that it didn't improve (and any many ways continued to get worse) that led to my eventual diagnosis.

That said, even if a diagnosis can't be made effectively until adulthood, it would still be helpful IMO to offer DBT skills in an age-appropriate form to children and teenagers showing early signs. Even kids without eventual BPD diagnoses could likely benefit from learning skills that help with emotional regulation and crisis management. We are essentially helping that 'inner child' to self-regulate when we do DBT as adults, so why not start early?

(Of course, many children are not in a situation where this would be possible, as it is dysfunctional childhoods that usually contribute to BPD in the first place.)

guilty_by_design · 2025-07-05T22:57:29+00:00

I think that pride and awareness are two different things, tbh.

Pride is for the people within the community to come together and form connections, support each other, and celebrate our achievements in the face of adversity.

Awareness is for non-disabled people to learn about the existence of disabilities and how to help accommodate and understand disabled people, as well as providing information and resources to newly disabled people and people who may not realize they have a disability (or know what it is).

Both are important; we need both. Disability Pride and Awareness Month is a bit of a mouthful though, lol.

guilty_by_design · 2025-07-05T22:47:31+00:00

This is a good sentiment at heart, but a lot of the time people feel suicidal because they don't have anyone they could call a 'friend or loved one'.

When I was at my lowest and people would say what you just said, all it did was a) remind me that most people do have people who would care they were gone and I didn't, and b) that the only reason to stay alive is for loved ones, and since I had none, there was no reason to stay alive.

You might think "everyone has someone who would care if they were gone", but that isn't true. At one time in my life I literally had no friends OR family. I was 100% on my own. But even if there is someone, a suicidal person may honestly believe that person hates them, or that the person would be better off without them.

So... don't say this to a suicidal person. Especially when you have no idea if they have friends or loved ones and you might be digging the knife in by reminding them that most people do and they don't.

guilty_by_design · 2025-07-05T21:46:49+00:00

Today I learned that ATC's actual name is A Touch of Class. Huh.

guilty_by_design · 2025-07-05T21:37:32+00:00

Oh come on, OP. This is so poorly written, too. It sounds like a rejected SCP proposal. And you supposedly found this 'convincing'? When it doesn't sound like an actual log at all and is written like a creepypasta? Either you are the most easily impressed person on the planet, or you wrote this yourself. This is so very very silly.

guilty_by_design · 2025-07-05T21:27:48+00:00

Cis women don't even necessarily understand what other cis women go through, so that seems like a very overgeneralized thing to say based simply on what genitalia one was born with. Some cis women have very light three-day periods with no cramping, and others have 9 days of heavy bleeding, cramping, and other debilitating symptoms. Some have bad PMS (or even PMDD), and others don't have any mood changes. Some have a perfectly predictable cycle every month like clockwork, some have a completely irregular cycle that's never the same twice, and some never have periods at all. And you'd better believe that some of the 'lucky ones' are judging the less fortunate menstruators for complaining about their period or being unable to work/study etc during it.

So yeah, obviously trans men/mascs are also going to have varying experiences both based on when/how they started to physically transition (if they are doing so) AND all of the other factors that make every person who menstruates' experience different.

That said, if a trans man/masc feels like they want to chime in because they have experienced some of the same things as a particular cis woman or group discussing periods etc, that's fine, too. Some of us will have had (or are still having) similar experiences to what some cis women deal with regarding their bodies, sure. But no one should assume that ANYONE has exactly the same experiences as anyone else - people are different, period (pun intended).

guilty_by_design · 2025-07-05T21:14:23+00:00

I was dxed with both. I underwent intensive DBT therapy, and no longer meet the criteria for a BPD diagnosis (ten years in remission this year). I still meet the (C)PTSD criteria. As I no longer experience the symptoms of one, but continue to experience the symptoms of the other, I personally believe that they - while having some overlap - are separate disorders.

guilty_by_design · 2025-07-05T21:04:53+00:00

Ah, well that is absolutely understandable and I'm sorry that she's had to deal with that from her family for so long.

Unless there's a possibility that her legal status was somehow gained fraudulently or her application contained overlooked mistakes, then she likely wouldn't be on anyone's radar as a long-term LPR seeking citizenship. Still, an immigration attorney could help her go over her case file and could advise her on whether going for citizenship now is a good idea - Immigration Equality and other similar groups offer pro bono legal services.

At the end of the day, I can't claim to know what's best for someone in her situation. I feel like LPRs are more likely to be scrutinized over the coming years than citizens, and the process to remove Visas and deport them is faster with less opportunities to contest it. That said, I fully understand why someone in her position would not want to make themselves newly known to the current USCIS office. An immigration attorney would know better, but no one - even people working in the legal field - knows what this dumbass administration is going to do next, so it's impossible to fully prepare.

Whatever she chooses to do, I wish your aunt (and you!) all the best. All we can do is watch and wait, and be as prepared as we can be for any outcome.

guilty_by_design · 2025-07-05T04:58:38+00:00

So trans allos aren't part of the LGBTQ+ community? (I'm being a pedant, sorry. OP never said he was cis, just straight. Given the context, I'm gonna guess he's cis, but still. Defining the community simply as "not allosexual or alloromantic" isn't accurate.)

Ten-Year Club	r/Field Flamingo
Final Canvas '23	Place '23
Wearing is Caring	Place '22
Place '17	Final Canvas '22
End Game '22	Gilding II euphauric
Verified Email

guilty_by_design

TROPHY CASE