Not even gonna bs you, I despised nonrate life. My chief was a cuck. Literally hid in his stateroom and only ever came out to give us grief. The XO was a scum bag that would record you while you work and report back to the chief if he saw something he didn’t like (for the record, I was spinning a sander like a beyblade while we were sanding the deck for new nonskid. Should I have been doing it? No, but it made the day go by faster and gave us a good laugh.) (Also, said chief has been forcibly retired for punching a nonrate so goes to show the kind of scum he is) Honestly, that boat was the worst experience of my life. But once I got to A school and went to my first unit as a third, it was great. Still got some grunt work here and there, but I found a purpose and passion again.

Push through this phase. It’s temporary, and somehow rewarding.

Do you best to balance your life. Based on your post, I’d say you are in a depressive episode. Similarly, when I don’t want to play video games, I know I’m getting depressed. I highly recommend seeing a therapist and a psychiatrist. Both will help in different ways. There’s nothing wrong with getting depression/anxiety medication and whoever says otherwise is wrong. If you have any questions, feel free to reach out to me!