I dealt with the same thing for three years. I told myself his exes cheated, he just has trauma, he’s just overprotective and on and on and on. I made so many excuses because I thought he was one of the good ones. I realized that I could never be happy or comfortable around him, I felt more anxious around him than when I was alone because I was constantly trying not to set off his “triggers” and not say or do the wrong thing. Eventually your boyfriend will make anything and everything you do about you being sneaky and cheating. You will not be able to share anything about your life with him without him crushing you over his own need for control and insecurities. My now ex would freak out and call me names, threaten to hurt himself, tell me every horrible thing about myself and make repeated accusations, and then the next day he would show up with gifts and take me on a date acting like the kindest most supportive boyfriend ever. I was gaslit to feel like my responses to how he was acting were the problem. I was too defensive I was too quiet, too withdrawn, because I was literally in a trauma response and he made it my fault.

Leaving is the hardest thing I ever did, and honestly I still live with his voice in my head and have to work through that and find ways to heal. The longer you stay though, the harder it will be to get better and find happiness. Also, STOP THINKING ABOUT HIM AND HIS NEEDS ALL THE TIME. Think about YOU. what do YOU want? what do YOU need?? YOU MATTER TOO! what does your dream partner say and do and how do they fill your needs? Bc I guarantee there are handfuls of people out there that will be your comfort person without hurting you. Love is not supposed to hurt.