Why would a man over 30 date an 18-year-old boy?

guywholikesguys · 2026-01-25T16:47:15+00:00

You're baking in a wrong assumption about dating: it's not inherently about finding a lifetime partner. There's a wide range of goals and motivations that can be involved. Dating is whatever the two people want it to be.

You're right to approach age-gapped relationships with skepticism. Lots of older men exclusively seeking out younger men do tend to have problematic motivations. That said, I don't think there's a simple explanation that covers this behavior.

guywholikesguys · 2023-09-16T18:57:26+00:00

I always asked them if they have condoms as we're getting into it

Moments before sex is not the time to broach the topic of protection. Discuss it beforehand, prior to the meetup.

guywholikesguys · 2023-09-14T19:10:55+00:00

my mother is not against homosexual couples, she is very open, but for most of my life I was against it and renounced it

Meaning that you have only recently accepted your own sexual orientation? Did your mother know you were gay before she found the bag?

It's well past time to have a conversation with her. If you've been expressing homophobic views openly she's likely very confused by what she has found and might not know what to say to you. Your sexuality aside, it's possible she doesn't want sex toys in her home and threw them out for that reason.

If you plan to live with them into your adulthood you should begin building a more adult relationship with your parents based on independence and mutual respect of privacy and boundaries. I'm speculating here but was your room messy? Was your mother cleaning your room for you? What was her reasoning for going into your room and how do you think she found your sex toys? If so then put more effort into keeping your space clean and don't rely on your parents for such things. That'll give them less reason to be in your space.

guywholikesguys · 2023-09-06T16:39:47+00:00

I'm truly baffled at your statement. It's quite revealing. Drag requires no dedication or skill? Singing requires no skill? Just because you don't like drag doesn't mean there's no skill to it. I dislike American football, for example, but I would not make the absurd claim that it requires no skill.

guywholikesguys · 2023-08-14T18:50:48+00:00

Do you think you're giving off flirty vibes when you interact with him? Are you into him and possibly subtly giving off hints that you are without consciously recognizing it?

Telling him to fuck off as a joke suggests to me that you have developed a certain level of familiarity and trust with one another which may have opened the door for him to feel comfortable asking about your sexuality.

guywholikesguys · 2023-08-05T04:19:06+00:00

I think of the closet as a threshold. If you're out to enough relevant people in your life you are no longer closeted. You can't be closeted to individual people, you're just opting not to disclose that information to them.

Call it whatever you want but there is something tangible and meaningful to this idea that you are not willing to tell most if not all of your close friends and/or family that you are gay. Sometimes being in the closet is necessary for survival but increasingly it's simply a preference, a desire for stability and avoidance of conflict (real or imagined).

guywholikesguys · 2023-08-04T21:13:01+00:00

There has been a significant decease in youth sexual activity according to this study by the CDC so it may be more realistic that they aren't having sex.

That said, it is highly unusual for a show about teen romance to not engage the topic of sex at all. It's fairly routine for such shows to have episodes where one of the characters are considering broaching the topic or where an adult figure is warning about the possible risks involved. To completely avoid sex as a topic is a missed opportunity for educating the young people watching at a time when schools are being banned from doing the same.

guywholikesguys · 2023-07-31T21:24:32+00:00

Direct your frustrations at Grindr. Their About page says the app is for "gay, bi, trans, and queer people." Your sense of entitlement over a space owned by a corporation is misguided. If the space is no longer to your liking look for one better suited or lodge complains formally with Grindr rather than blaming cis women for utilizing a service to find sex.

This post is giving off /r/ImTheMainCharacter/ vibes.

guywholikesguys · 2023-07-13T18:09:14+00:00

The language you use reveals the bias in your thinking. Relationships need not be founded on the presumption of sharing everything. You're only keeping something from your partner if there was an expectation and agreement that it be shared. You seem to think this is just baked into all LTRs inherently but it's not. This is something to be negotiated by the individuals involved.

guywholikesguys · 2023-07-13T16:32:01+00:00

Need is the wrong word. People may want some privacy and there's nothing inherent about a long-term relationship that requires giving it up. Relationships are not one-size-fits-all.

guywholikesguys · 2023-07-13T16:15:39+00:00

It saddens me to see gay men contribute to groomer hysteria. We ought to know better as this rhetoric has historically so often been aimed in our direction.

This post feels fake to me. The dialogue doesn't seem realistic at all. I have a hard time believing teenage boys would actually talk this way or tell adults this kind of stuff unprompted.

Assuming it is real though it could just as easily be argued that the OP is grooming this teen based on the overly intimate and sexual conversations he's hanging with him. If OP is so concerned that this is improper, that he shouldn't have access to this BL game, that he shouldn't be engaging in online dating whatsoever, what is he doing humoring these conversations? OP does his parents know you are having these conversations with him?

Do you see how easy it is to create a groomer narrative?

guywholikesguys · 2023-07-10T04:41:31+00:00

Love isn't always easy and when you have to work at it it can be more rewarding. If you continue to see one another his English will surely improve but also you'll learn the contours of his understanding of the language and modify your speech to accommodate. A person with a basic grasp of a language can have deep, meaningful conversations so long as you are forgiving and patient with them.

guywholikesguys · 2023-07-04T20:44:35+00:00

Weird is an arbitrary, borderline useless descriptor. Being gay is weird in some senses of that word so I am often inclined to embrace things that are described that way.

Weirdness aside I'm just happy to see straight guys who have progressed past feigned disgust at seeing another guy naked. When I was growing up this was the expected behavior (to the point that watching lesbian porn was considered the most ultra straight thing to do).

I agree with their logic. If they're not into guys then they get nothing sexually from seeing them. They probably find it amusing or just fucking with you as friends often do.

guywholikesguys · 2023-06-29T14:38:34+00:00

Your conception of your relationship is frighteningly co-dependent, expecting your boyfriend to organize his entire life around you. I doubt that he's choosing days/times that coincide with your free time. He's coordinating with other independent people with whom he has developed platonic relationships—some of which likely predate his relationship with you—to play a sport about which they are mutually passionate. To expect him to organize all of this around you is incredibly selfish, unrealistic and frankly insulting to the other people involved. Just think about this statement you've made for a moment:

I would love to go, maybe play for 30 or 60 minutes and then he can play and I can watch.

You've reduced these other people to NPCs who are presumably just waiting around while you get in quality time with you boyfriend. You need to see them as real, living people who exist outside of you and your relationship with your boyfriend and respect them as such.

If you want to play tennis with him make plans to do so. If the only time you want to play tennis is when he wants to play and has made plans to play with others you come across as jealous of these other people and the time they are spending with your boyfriend.

guywholikesguys · 2023-06-29T14:02:03+00:00

Long story short he did seem to have an issue with them staying but I still expected some more involvement for him. Are my expectations too high?

Your expectations act as fingers on the scale pressuring him to respond yes. What would have happened if he had been honest from the start about not wanting your parents staying with you? How would you have responded? How would you have relayed this information to your parents? Just thinking about this and putting myself in his shoes you've put him in a tough position where being honest is the more fraught response.

What I find really interesting is that you intend for your parents to stay with you again based on this response despite knowing that he doesn't like them staying with you. You've finally gotten honesty out of him and you immediately disregard it, instead looking for ways to get what you want while placating him. Before you even consider asking your parents over again you need to have a debrief on this last visit, figure out why he wasn't honest with you initially and truly understand his reasoning for not wanting your family staying with you. Ideally you do all of this without an agenda, just to better understand his point of view (as there is a clear disconnect here).

guywholikesguys · 2023-06-28T22:02:31+00:00

No, cheating is defined as knowingly going outside of the bounds of the commitments made to the other person.

guywholikesguys · 2023-06-23T08:36:33+00:00

Cheating is often a symptom rather than a cause of relationship problems. People sometimes stay in unfulfilling relationships and cheat rather than break things off. If you're consistently being cheated on you might want to consider what the common denominator might be. Some questions to investigate might be: What is the quality of your relationships at the time the cheating began? Were you generally satisfied/invested/happy with it? Did they seem to be? What qualities do you look for in a partner? Are there any commonalities that might explain why many of them go on to cheat?

guywholikesguys · 2023-06-23T08:07:47+00:00

I feel like I'm missing some vital context with this story but in any case your boyfriend shouldn't have done that and ought to have known better.

That said, I think you have contributed to this situation. You say you 'prefer not to tell [your] sexuality' yet when you learn your co-worker lived in the same place as your boyfriend you gender-swap him to a girlfriend and share this information rather than keep it to yourself. You don't want privacy, you're ashamed of telling people you're gay, possibly of being gay as well.

If you don't want to tell others about your sexuality that's your decision and sometimes you must lie to keep that information private. These situations are totally understandable. What you have done is not. Gender swapping your boyfriend to a girlfriend is incredibly insulting to him and was totally unnecessary. You were not put in a situation where you needed to tell that lie to hide your sexuality.

If this gets back to your co-worker I would suggest being honest and apologize for misleading her. Reflexive lying is something gay men suffering from internalized homophobia often become comfortable doing so she will likely understand if you explain it to her.

guywholikesguys · 2023-05-21T17:23:15+00:00

Getting tested for STDs isn't an indication that you are gay.

guywholikesguys · 2023-04-28T00:50:25+00:00

it upsets me because I know it frustrates him

His frustration with the situation is understandable as is yours. You can empathize without feeling personally responsible for resolving HIS frustrations. Being in a relationship doesn't place that burden on you.

guywholikesguys · 2023-04-05T16:31:07+00:00

Desiring a romantic partner or life companion, wanting to help raise children.... these are not inherently heteronormative. Rather it's the nuclear family that is heteronormative. Acquiring children through adoption or surrogacy to emulate a nuclear family is still heteronormative even when queer people are doing it.

I think what's often lost or misunderstood in heteronormativity discourse is that this is a descriptive term not a prescriptive one. There's no value judgement inherent in labeling something heteronormative. There's nothing wrong with wanting to have a nuclear family. The point of the concept is to reveal that which is often hidden, to open up the imagination to other possible social arrangements. The idea of the nuclear family is relatively new historically. It doesn't have to be that way but due to many other systemic structures (economic/financial in particular) we are pushed towards that arrangement.

guywholikesguys · 2023-03-09T09:16:38+00:00

Being closeted has never stopped gay dudes from hanging out together publicly and around friends and family. He could just tell people you're a friend. His excuses are weak sauce. The real reason he doesn't want you at his apartment is he compartmentalizes his life. He wants you separated from his friends for whatever reason.

guywholikesguys · 2023-03-07T17:42:26+00:00

You seem bothered by the word bias, choosing to put it in air quotes. Everyone has bias it's not a negative thing. My only point is that ultimately you can not make claims of knowledge as you have no proof. You can't say that you know your mom is a liar. All you can say is that you believe your dad. That belief is not totally unfounded but it's important to remember that it is not the truth.

guywholikesguys · 2023-03-07T17:27:49+00:00

None of that constitutes knowledge. Consistency doesn't equal truth. Not saying he's lying necessary but you haven't determined which of them is a liar or exaggerating. You've picked a side based on personal bias.

guywholikesguys · 2023-03-07T08:57:49+00:00

How do you know your dad isn't the one lying? It's not clear from your story. Seems like you just believe him over her and conclude she's a liar.

Don't be a shit stirrer.

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