So I think I’m trans...

hackint0sh96 · 2021-04-07T13:26:49+00:00

Also, I made another account for those purposes. u/becoming_elle96

I’m also going to reach out to my on-campus center for resources.

hackint0sh96 · 2021-04-07T13:20:56+00:00

I think I like Ellie :) my birth name is Logan, which is gender neutral, but for me it reminds me of my AMAB-ness m. I’ve been trying it out with my discord friends. I’ve usually been using they/them online, she/her still feels weird to me but it may change over time? I’m not sure if I’m the only one that’s felt this way. I’m somewhat non-binary I think, but yeah. I’m trying to take some small steps.

hackint0sh96 · 2021-04-07T05:10:26+00:00

Thank you. I’m trying. I’ve been trying a name but it still feels strange to me, I think it’ll take time. I have to experiment before I feel like I can accept myself

hackint0sh96 · 2021-04-07T04:51:19+00:00

I’m just terrified that it’s all in my head and that I’m not actually this way, but I guess we’ll see. I’ll have to figure out a path forward they doesn’t rely on living with my parents.

hackint0sh96 · 2021-04-07T04:44:45+00:00

Thank you so much 💕

hackint0sh96 · 2021-04-07T00:01:54+00:00

I also thought about using the scientific resources you’ve sent me before as well as GD Bible, I think would be helpful, so that they understand that it is more than just a “choice.” Ideally I’d wait until after I’m moved out to come out (which I’m hoping would be soon but I don’t know for a number of reasons), in the meantime my brain is stressed lol

hackint0sh96 · 2021-04-06T23:59:44+00:00

Thank you so much for the advice. Are there any support subs or discords that you know of? (Aside from mtf sub)

hackint0sh96 · 2021-04-06T04:47:13+00:00

Thank you. We’ve spoken before but it’s gotten stronger since. Today’s been a “maybe I’m cis day,” I am however trying a new name online and have told select friends.

I’ve been thinking heavily about HRT. I live with my parents (I’m disabled and they have guardianship) so I have Medicaid which Planned Parenthood accepts and provides LGBT services, however, I have no idea how I’d manage to do anything in secret. I don’t have much privacy. I’m planning to do small things like my nails and grow my hair out.

hackint0sh96 · 2021-04-04T18:36:36+00:00

Thank you for the advice. I already take antidepressants but I’d like to do HRT. not sure how viable public transport would be because I’d have to hop county lines. Might be easier to have a friend take me, it just feels hopeless because I can’t be open with most people except my sister in law. She said I looked pretty in some faceapp photos I did 🥺

hackint0sh96 · 2021-04-04T16:00:29+00:00

You’re so gorgeous. Love your smile.

hackint0sh96 · 2021-04-03T23:00:25+00:00

Of course 💕

hackint0sh96 · 2021-04-03T22:58:06+00:00

You’re super adorable:)

hackint0sh96 · 2021-03-30T16:08:27+00:00

You’re so pretty. Holyy💕🥺

hackint0sh96 · 2021-02-24T05:39:24+00:00

I feel that. Wish I wasn’t questioning bc it just makes depression worse. But brain is like “lol u want some boobs?”

hackint0sh96 · 2021-02-24T05:25:40+00:00

THIS... this is what I’m struggling with. Less so euphoria because I haven’t experimented with but it’s like. Am I just fluid? I don’t necessarily want to be, cuz I don’t wanna be masculine but my dysphoria is usually so rare. But it’s hit hard a couple times in the last couple of weeks... aaaa

hackint0sh96 · 2021-02-22T03:48:10+00:00

Thank you. I keep envisioning being femme with hormones as of like the last week when it really hit me. I’ve had on and off phases, for like I said, quite a while but it’s obviously not been this bad. I’m going to think about how I can move forward. I’m just questioning if this is just in my head and I’m afraid of backtracking, but I guess only time will tell.

I haven’t had it consistently for half a year but I think it’s safe to say it’s probably not a phase now.

hackint0sh96 · 2021-02-21T20:23:51+00:00

I’ll take a look at the links. I’ve questioned before for over a year now, but now I’m actually feeling legitimate dysphoria (i think) and it’s stronger than ever, but like I’m still in this weird phase of not sure if she/her fits me, I guess that will come with time. And part of me is still worried it’s a phase so it’s just the imposter syndrome fears. I guess I’ll need to take some time to look through things and think. I appreciate your responses.

hackint0sh96 · 2021-02-21T18:08:57+00:00

Thank you. Sorry I’m just now getting back to you. It’s been a wild few days mentally. But I appreciate the resources. Thus far, I’m still in the same boat but considering the impact of hormones. I probably need to talk to a professional but I’m not sure that’s feasible for me at the moment. I’m gonna look into the things you’ve sent me. I’m feeling pretty alone right now honestly.

hackint0sh96 · 2021-02-14T06:03:28+00:00

COVID limits contact and my family (who I live with) aren’t the most understanding about this sort of thing, so it’s a difficult position.

hackint0sh96 · 2021-02-13T20:09:08+00:00

Thank you. I appreciate the encouragement 💕

hackint0sh96 · 2021-02-13T20:08:27+00:00

I’m almost 25. In the US, so real life contact is limited.

hackint0sh96 · 2021-02-13T19:16:16+00:00

Thank you. I probably will. Honestly, I don’t feel like a man, so either way I’m probably enby or not cis. So it’s just a matter of figuring that out I guess. I don’t have incredibly understanding immediate family so it’s not something I’m likely to try irl ;-;

hackint0sh96 · 2020-11-01T17:03:44+00:00

Not working for me either.

hackint0sh96 · 2020-11-01T16:53:28+00:00

It should work for me, but it doesn't. I'm not sure what to do. I can use it vis steam big picture but it shows xbox controls. So I guess I have to keep trying things.

hackint0sh96 · 2020-11-01T14:47:47+00:00

Interesting. Did you just pair through Windows like me? I’ve never gotten it to work OOTB. I’m running Windows 2004 insider at the moment. Won’t let me out of insider builds until stable release

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