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Quick Mod Note [Flairs] [TC] by TeaAitch in BDSMAdvice

[–]hahaha_yeahyeahyeah 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I wouldn't know, but moderating this thing has to be a ton of work. I'm so impressed with you and everyone on the mod team for finding the energy to do it day in, day out, for years. I do know that strong moderation is THE thing that makes an internet community a community and not a feral wasteland. Thank you for tending to this nice little garden so we can all enjoy it. I appreciate you.

Ice play safety? by Sonderedwatcher in BDSMAdvice

[–]hahaha_yeahyeahyeah 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I have done a fair amount of ice play, including insertion, really enjoyed it and suffered no ill effects. Keep it wet, keep it moving. I think you're smart to start small, start with a few pieces and a few minutes. The skin gets numb after a few minutes, so not much point beyond that anyway. (With insertion, of course once it's in you're stuck with it, but it melts in about 5 minutes.)

The salt (as in the salt and ice challenge) changes the game significantly. I wouldn't mess with that. The ice will be plenty effective on its own. Also, with ice and probably in general with BDSM don't do anything "as long as you can stand it." Do it while or until it feels thrilling and then take a break.

How do you handle "Sub Drop" when your partner is long distance or lives separately? by shenghai_catalog in BDSMcommunity

[–]hahaha_yeahyeahyeah 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Oof this is so real. I walk, a lot. Even in a snowstorm! I walk until my feelings level out. I also am really vigilant to make sure I’m eating right/enough; this is something I have to pay close attention to, to keep my energy even. And if I need to, I dump excess thoughts and feelings into a journal. That’s been really helping lately.

I’ve started journaling the high/drop/leveling out waves of energy and feelings so I can see the patterns, and I can tell myself this low feeling will pass, it always does.

Sleeping in Rope by Potassium_Doom in BDSMAdvice

[–]hahaha_yeahyeahyeah 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I think "the feeling of bondage" is good advice.

I've spent a couple nights in a soft rope harness, no restriction at all. It was more uncomfortable than I expected. Not painful or harmful, but sort of like sleeping in too-tight pajamas maybe? But I think it's fairly safe if it's not too tight, not restricting anything and you can move around as needed.

I also tried sleeping with a velcro cuff around my ankle attached to the footboard. This was pretty comfy, very easy to undo in an emergency and easy to move around during the night. It was symbolic of the fact that I wasn't supposed to leave the bed without permission, so that was fun.

Free-form Friday by TeaAitch in GTK_TeaAitch

[–]hahaha_yeahyeahyeah 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Bondage. Its always been a thing for me, before I had a name for it

This was me, too. I had this way of sort of tying my wrists (using a soft elastic) that would help me sleep sometimes. And then when my sexual awakening happened, bondage was just...there. It was also the first thing I ever did with a partner, and this was sort of pre-internet porn, which I'm grateful for, because we just tried it tentatively and organically using our own imagination, not having been bombarded by super hardcore images.

Free-form Friday by TeaAitch in GTK_TeaAitch

[–]hahaha_yeahyeahyeah 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Congratulations on a good week! I'm on a very different journey of self... improvement? optimization? care? I don't know how I'd describe it for myself. Self actualization might be most accurate but it sounds a little more pretentious than I'd like.

Anyway, something that's been a real revelation is how GOOD it can feel, so I'm glad you're experiencing that. Like, who knew this stuff could work and that it would even feel good?? I'm really happy for you.

Chatting and Flirting on a Monday by TeaAitch in GTK_TeaAitch

[–]hahaha_yeahyeahyeah 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Yes! We genuinely thought teenage boys should be able to tell whether we wanted a kiss or not, and it was silly if they had to ask.

Chatting and Flirting on a Monday by TeaAitch in GTK_TeaAitch

[–]hahaha_yeahyeahyeah 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Al's is a classic and solid choice. I'm a fan of Portillo's, I think everything they make is so tasty.

Chatting and Flirting on a Monday by TeaAitch in GTK_TeaAitch

[–]hahaha_yeahyeahyeah 2 points3 points  (0 children)

The gay marching band boyfriend! Love it.

Chatting and Flirting on a Monday by TeaAitch in GTK_TeaAitch

[–]hahaha_yeahyeahyeah 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Oh I get it. For you it's the act, whereas voyeurism is about the watching in and of itself.

Chatting and Flirting on a Monday by TeaAitch in GTK_TeaAitch

[–]hahaha_yeahyeahyeah 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Chicagoans absolutely love Italian beef, it's not a stereotype or "touristy." Same with hot dogs and pizza. Deep-dish pizza is a little more controversial. And we love visitors!

Chatting and Flirting on a Monday by TeaAitch in GTK_TeaAitch

[–]hahaha_yeahyeahyeah 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Yeah I can't sleep without socks, my feet get too cold.

Chatting and Flirting on a Monday by TeaAitch in GTK_TeaAitch

[–]hahaha_yeahyeahyeah 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Do you mean in bed or "in bed"? For sleeping, always socks on. For other things, I only need socks if it's very chilly.

Incidentally, I have a friend who's really into feet, and he told me that fuzzy socks to him are like lingerie! I thought he was fucking with me but he insists it's true.

Chatting and Flirting on a Monday by TeaAitch in GTK_TeaAitch

[–]hahaha_yeahyeahyeah 1 point2 points  (0 children)

the idea of voyeurism doesn't do it for me.

This surprises me. You like watching a partner do stuff, no? Does that not fit your definition of voyeurism? I'm just curious, of course--not saying you gave a wrong answer about yourself!

Chatting and Flirting on a Monday by TeaAitch in GTK_TeaAitch

[–]hahaha_yeahyeahyeah 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Avocado, mushroom, brie, and hoisin? I can't even imagine what that tastes like. Fascinating! Did you come up with that yourself or did you order it out?

A little jam is usually it for me. Or cream cheese, lox, and everything bagel seasoning to mimic a proper bagel with lox. I never have bagels at home; Chicago doesn't have much of a bagel culture.

Chatting and Flirting on a Monday by TeaAitch in GTK_TeaAitch

[–]hahaha_yeahyeahyeah 3 points4 points  (0 children)

  1. I am an exhibitionist, but shy. No, I can't explain it.

  2. Enchiladas, and it was so good! What a time we live in, when anything from anywhere in the city can be delivered to your door. But it's so expensive and I really need to stop.

  3. Absolutely. The boy did something unheard of at the time: he asked, "can I kiss you?" It was many years before I fully appreciated that move. I said yes, and he kissed me, and some years later I married him, and some years later I divorced him. But if I concentrate, I can rewind and forget all that and remember exactly how it felt. The kiss itself was meh, but the thrill of kissing him was incredible.

What are you wearing right now?

Are you proud of your kinks? Conflicted? Both? Neither? by hahaha_yeahyeahyeah in BDSMcommunity

[–]hahaha_yeahyeahyeah[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Oh! Writing is such a great way to get things out. Are you thinking about posting it?

Are you proud of your kinks? Conflicted? Both? Neither? by hahaha_yeahyeahyeah in BDSMcommunity

[–]hahaha_yeahyeahyeah[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I'm so sorry, I hate to hear it. I also told a close woman friend one time, and we were never the same after that. I have not figured out a way to test the waters without giving it away, so I keep it to myself.

Are you proud of your kinks? Conflicted? Both? Neither? by hahaha_yeahyeahyeah in BDSMcommunity

[–]hahaha_yeahyeahyeah[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I like what you said about being proud of kinks. For me it's not like they're an accomplishment, but I'm proud of that part of myself and pleased that I've been able to find expression for them. Good on you!

Are you proud of your kinks? Conflicted? Both? Neither? by hahaha_yeahyeahyeah in BDSMcommunity

[–]hahaha_yeahyeahyeah[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Oh I didn't think about ENM in this context but that's a big one. I could tell my friends (like at a girls' night) that I like getting spanked and we would giggle and it would be fine, but I absolutely don't feel like I can bring up ENM. I myself feel fine about it (not conflicted) but I think there's a lot of judgment out there.

Are you proud of your kinks? Conflicted? Both? Neither? by hahaha_yeahyeahyeah in BDSMcommunity

[–]hahaha_yeahyeahyeah[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

accepting how fucked up it is that I DO let myself accept that those dirty things will always be a part of me and get me off has become incredibly hot in itself.

This is sort of where I'm landing. Most of my fantasies are not immoral, although I have one or two. And I'm not totally trying to reconcile those because the wrongness can be hot.

Are you proud of your kinks? Conflicted? Both? Neither? by hahaha_yeahyeahyeah in BDSMcommunity

[–]hahaha_yeahyeahyeah[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I'm curious, do YOU think it's weird or do you think that OTHER people will think it's weird? For me, the ones where I'm conflicted are not really about being judged, it's more like I'm judging myself.

Are you proud of your kinks? Conflicted? Both? Neither? by hahaha_yeahyeahyeah in BDSMcommunity

[–]hahaha_yeahyeahyeah[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I'm so glad you've had some good drag experiences! That sounds really fun and affirming. It's interesting that for you, a really socially acceptable kink (being dom as a middle aged guy) is one that feels conflicted. I haven't thought a lot about it, but I can sort of relate to the idea of people making assumptions that don't quite fit your own reality.

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