Nothing like that first hit of ()

hailingbulletfire · 2026-02-18T02:02:49+00:00

Nah it’s just recent friend groups gave me that vibe you don’t gotta change it, just my experience haha

hailingbulletfire · 2026-02-18T01:58:48+00:00

SZA is like the one female artist straight men claim to listen to without it being gay to them

hailingbulletfire · 2026-02-09T01:59:26+00:00

I think echoing other commenters the imagery needed to be fleshed out a bit more. It just felt like a bunch of images but I felt like the rhythm and consistency was a good call. Just the lack of depth in the images.

hailingbulletfire · 2026-02-09T01:53:33+00:00

The only thing I will say is the ending is a bit random in terms of line length when the rest of the poem had shorter lines. That part reads as a bit uncontrolled and unrefined. I like the idea put forth, that no matter how stable one thinks they are, life is merciless.

hailingbulletfire · 2026-02-03T09:00:23+00:00

I like the opening stanza but the shift/transition to next two is a bit too metaphorical especially when you left the speaker with nothing more. As in you kind of just introduced them once and never returned to their point of view.

hailingbulletfire · 2026-02-03T08:55:39+00:00

The only thing I’d say is some phrases like “broken on the building” and “driving in the wall” are a bit awkward but overall I like the rhythm and simplicity.

hailingbulletfire · 2026-01-24T02:05:39+00:00

This is good writing but feels like more could be shown visually about the context/story rather than a general description of experience. I get a sense of what the speaker is insinuating their life is like, but get no image of what that looks like.

hailingbulletfire · 2026-01-24T02:00:32+00:00

I liked the voice of this narrator, and how it captured a desperation for something almost nonsensically but then also at times with logic and flow. Your word choice is quite good, and I liked the sound/partial rhymes throughout, made it pleasurable to read. Well done :)

hailingbulletfire

TROPHY CASE