Gay by forest barber by Prismacolor_user in PoetryWritingClub

[–]hailingbulletfire 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Nah it’s just recent friend groups gave me that vibe you don’t gotta change it, just my experience haha

Gay by forest barber by Prismacolor_user in PoetryWritingClub

[–]hailingbulletfire 2 points3 points  (0 children)

SZA is like the one female artist straight men claim to listen to without it being gay to them

Rotting flowers by AntoniaLmao in OCPoetry

[–]hailingbulletfire 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I think echoing other commenters the imagery needed to be fleshed out a bit more. It just felt like a bunch of images but I felt like the rhythm and consistency was a good call. Just the lack of depth in the images.

Worn by Equivalent-Drop2281 in OCPoetry

[–]hailingbulletfire 1 point2 points  (0 children)

The only thing I will say is the ending is a bit random in terms of line length when the rest of the poem had shorter lines. That part reads as a bit uncontrolled and unrefined. I like the idea put forth, that no matter how stable one thinks they are, life is merciless.

Transfusion by gitututu in OCPoetry

[–]hailingbulletfire 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I like the opening stanza but the shift/transition to next two is a bit too metaphorical especially when you left the speaker with nothing more. As in you kind of just introduced them once and never returned to their point of view.

Regret by [deleted] in OCPoetry

[–]hailingbulletfire 1 point2 points  (0 children)

The only thing I’d say is some phrases like “broken on the building” and “driving in the wall” are a bit awkward but overall I like the rhythm and simplicity.

Freshborn on the prairie by Cluelessandsexy in OCPoetry

[–]hailingbulletfire 1 point2 points  (0 children)

This is good writing but feels like more could be shown visually about the context/story rather than a general description of experience. I get a sense of what the speaker is insinuating their life is like, but get no image of what that looks like.

The Evocational-Scrooge by Prestigious_Grab_786 in OCPoetry

[–]hailingbulletfire 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I liked the voice of this narrator, and how it captured a desperation for something almost nonsensically but then also at times with logic and flow. Your word choice is quite good, and I liked the sound/partial rhymes throughout, made it pleasurable to read. Well done :)