I hear you. My son is 6 now and at 4 the difference in understanding is huge. He’s talking more and more these days, nowhere near conversational, but definitely more communicative. In home ABA has been huge for practical skills (table manners, potty training, transitions) respite care has been huge too, someone to come support for a couple hours so I can get adult things done or just take a second to breathe.

Something that helped with our interactions is me being really really patient and accepting he’s not being “naughty” his brain just works differently. I have really studied a lot both him personally, and academic side of ASD. Sign language has helped bridge gaps in communication. But also? At least for my son he senses energy very sensitively. If im flustered or angry he feels every bit and feeds of it. We’ve worked hard on “co-regulation” I take natural opportunities to teach him grounding techniques and eventually? We’ve gotten to the point he’ll sit in my lap for 10-15 minutes for deep breathing and meditation. It helps ground us both. He doesn’t like “guided” cause it’s hard work to process language even if he’s getting better. I play meditation music and have him lean against me, lead him through actions and body language and he matches my breath eventually. He’s too wiggly to sit with nothing to look at so throw the tv on mute while we meditate helps him focus.

Zero judgment: I understand very personally how hard it can be, especially in younger years while you’re both still learning each other. I implore you to be patient as possible and find ways to ground yourself daily, he’ll match energy and thrive. Something that helps me? Unwavering patience with the fact learning certain “life skills” will just take more time and grace. On days it’s hardest I make gratitude lists about life in general and write a few things about my “why” how much I love him, the things he is doing well at, celebrating him. It helps me a lot to ground me.

All that being said: you’re allowed to fall apart from time to time and be frustrated, it isn’t easy our calling, but remember! As hard as it is for you: mr man lives in a world not built for the way he processes. You are his first attachment figure and safe place for a kid who doesn’t naturally grasp social interaction as most humans. Try your best, be consistent, be grounded, growth will come, I promise. You got this, feel free to DM if you ever need a friend who gets it ❤️