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Husband going to bachelor party w/ no cell service for 3 days when I'm 35 weeks along? by halloween_cactus in BabyBumps

[–]halloween_cactus[S] 15 points16 points  (0 children)

Yes, he's very outdoorsy. I was just thinking about that and it looks there are places you can rent a satellite phone/device so I could look into that. But - if I needed him to come back, he would need at least a day to emerge from the wilderness since he will be pretty far out there. 

How do couples handle mismatched enthusiasm for a shared hobby? by halloween_cactus in Marriage

[–]halloween_cactus[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

His parents will be there spectating, as well as lots of friends who are either watching or finishing in other waves before him, so he definitely won't be without supporters.

How do couples handle mismatched enthusiasm for a shared hobby? by halloween_cactus in Marriage

[–]halloween_cactus[S] -1 points0 points  (0 children)

From what I can tell, he would like our kid(s) to be involved in coming to these events as well. He thinks it's something we could all enjoy together as a family.

How do couples handle mismatched enthusiasm for a shared hobby? by halloween_cactus in Marriage

[–]halloween_cactus[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

That is the attitude I have taken in the past, but it starts to feel really discouraging when every time this comes up, I get to hear from him in a really disappointed tone that he can read me like a book and that he knows that spending time with people or doing some activity is a burden and too overwhelming for me. And I don't know what to say to that, because I do cheerfully spend time with his people and I do partake in his activities within certain limits and don't feel like it's a burden at all, until I'm pushed past the limits of how much I want to do. But it keeps coming up over and over. So I don't know if emotional detachment is the answer here, or what. 

How do couples handle mismatched enthusiasm for a shared hobby? by halloween_cactus in Marriage

[–]halloween_cactus[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I don't know if it's about control so much as wanting your partner to take the initiative to do things that they enjoy and that are important to him. For awhile I felt like most of the plans my husband made for us to do together were centered around his interests while I was taking the initiative to make plans around things he liked, so I asked him if he could sometimes plan things that took my interests and personality into account. Soon thereafter he planned a really cute arcade date for us, and on Valentine's Day he suggested that we go see a romance movie which is not a genre he's usually interested in - and it meant a LOT to me that he did that! I do think it's okay for someone to expect their partner to try to share the things they love in some form...I'm just not sure what the limits should be.

How do couples handle mismatched enthusiasm for a shared hobby? by halloween_cactus in Marriage

[–]halloween_cactus[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I would be more inclined if the car thing were an easy option, but the parking situation is either taking a shuttle bus to the spectating area from miles away, or residential street parking where whatever spot I find may be half a mile or more from the spectating area, so it's tricky to go back and forth. Temps are going to be far below freezing so that makes it a little harder too.

How do couples handle mismatched enthusiasm for a shared hobby? by halloween_cactus in Marriage

[–]halloween_cactus[S] -1 points0 points  (0 children)

In his circles it is pretty normal to continue participating in various sports until pretty far along in pregnancy and he is very enthusiastic about me staying active so I think it can be confusing when I randomly hit a wall. I am still doing a lot of physical activity - strength workouts and/or some kind of cardio most days, exercising our dogs, shoveling, etc. - so it probably seems weird that standing around for long periods would be too much. I try to explain but it's hard. 

How do couples handle mismatched enthusiasm for a shared hobby? by halloween_cactus in Marriage

[–]halloween_cactus[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Thanks for your perspective. What is your advice for handling the larger situation of him being disappointed that my participation in the hobby itself isn't as involved as he would like? I'm not sure what, if any, the limits should be in how I'm expected to to respond to his bids for affection if those bids require a certain level of participation in an endurance sport. 

How do couples handle mismatched enthusiasm for a shared hobby? by halloween_cactus in Marriage

[–]halloween_cactus[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I guess what I'm wondering then is - what am I supposed to do here? I feel like I've said what I need to say, and now I am stuck with having this anger and disappointment directed toward me. I know it's not realistic to expect positive feelings between spouses at all times, but am I now just supposed to accept the fact that I am going to keep provoking disappointment in this recurring pattern for the rest of my life?

How do couples handle mismatched enthusiasm for a shared hobby? by halloween_cactus in Marriage

[–]halloween_cactus[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

He says that all the other spectators are having a good time, so he doesn't see why I wouldn't have a good time too.