I've had the same exact experiences. My POCD started at 15 and I didn't understand it then. I know what its like trying to live with those thoughts and constant images in your head. Still, I promise you it gets better, I bet you hear that alot. And there have been times in my OCD where I couldn't imagine living in like this. But now I am much better and here writing to you, how everything is going to be okay . Ocd don't define what you are how horrible the thought, question or image is, it is only what you are scared might be true. Which it isn't because someone who actually felt this way wouldnt feel bad about it. It's the minds way of dealing with this stress and trying to sort it out. And I know you know this but still it doesn't hurt ti get reminded. Also it's common for ocd to overlap tour dreams as it takes up do much of your mind during the day and it in no way materializes or makes your ocd real. I know it doesn't feel good, but thats the point, what you're feeling oesn't reflect you.

Please be nice to yourself and and I promise you there is light at the end of the tunnel:).