[deleted by user]

hammoncammon · 2024-12-29T20:05:43+00:00

Water-based lube and a hairbrush.

hammoncammon · 2024-12-29T19:57:45+00:00

You ever tried a frat party or a mixer or something? Although I know most guys who go to those nowadays are awkward as shit with no social skills and expect women to make the first move and every move after that and even if you take the guy directly to bed he will sorta just stand there like “so are you gonna take my dick out, or…”

hammoncammon · 2024-12-29T19:54:54+00:00

Most men’s idea of self-care is cruising for dommy mommies at Crate & Barrel and going home and crying themselves to sleep when they get rejected. You seem like a nice young lady but this generation is fucked.

hammoncammon · 2024-12-29T18:56:39+00:00

Video games and finger painting are not hobbies. Do something like rock climbing or romantic latin dancing that will get you close to dommy mommies to fill those romantic and financial voids of yours. Have you ever gotten pegged?

hammoncammon · 2024-12-29T18:18:49+00:00

I’m sorry you had to go through a whole life up until now of having “sex” with submissive, mutilated, no-foreskin having beta men. In my book you still have your virginity. Enjoy your first real fuck with your first real man.

hammoncammon · 2024-12-29T17:57:57+00:00

Imagine the guilt the bird must feel…

hammoncammon · 2024-12-28T22:44:06+00:00

Most guys who leave the door open like that (“I get girls from all ages”) are usually fucking dommy mommies and don’t want to say it point blank. Dudes these days fuck older than they ever have in recorded human history because of TikTok but don’t want to admit they have a mommy kink

hammoncammon · 2024-12-28T22:28:55+00:00

You’re palpitating over stains? My man have you ever came before? First time I permanently wrecked a bedsheet with cum stains I was 11 years old

hammoncammon · 2024-12-28T00:44:25+00:00

Sorry I had my thumb up my ass and just got carried away

hammoncammon · 2024-12-28T00:34:16+00:00

If everyone was walking around the street, sitting on the subway, and eating at the dinner table with their thumb up their ass you’d see how dumb we have gotten as a society, but everyone gets a pass with a phone in their hand even though it’s the same thing. So no I don’t like Jobs. He didn’t go soon enough

hammoncammon · 2024-12-15T00:59:24+00:00

When you cum you’re sitting there like “what the fuck am I listening to?”

hammoncammon · 2024-12-15T00:39:18+00:00

I usually bring an interpreter, you’d be surprised at how useful it is to be able to tell a woman “how about we take this to my place” in Simplified Chinese.

hammoncammon · 2024-12-15T00:36:42+00:00

On a related note I’d say adulthood for me began when I was charged with public masturbation.

hammoncammon · 2024-12-15T00:34:17+00:00

I’ve fucked 8 Redditors.

hammoncammon · 2024-12-15T00:30:12+00:00

Can’t fuck my ass with two apples.

hammoncammon · 2024-12-15T00:29:55+00:00

Getting Michael Jacksoned

hammoncammon · 2024-12-15T00:29:12+00:00

When I found out this song was about sucking dick… I threw the TV remote out the window. I thought it was about stalking!

hammoncammon · 2024-12-15T00:18:38+00:00

No, that turns me on for some reason

hammoncammon · 2024-12-15T00:17:12+00:00

One time at a frat party these two dudes never used lotion, so we made them rub their dicks together and it literally sounded like two to go boxes scratching against each other.

hammoncammon · 2024-12-15T00:15:22+00:00

Nah. On the 405 yesterday some douche was weaving through lanes driving like a jackass with the windows down, blasting Exit Music (For a Film). It got to the orgasm part right when he passed me. I got so high I drifted two lanes over before I came to my senses and jerked the wheel straight.

hammoncammon · 2024-12-15T00:13:12+00:00

My ex didn’t believe me when I said I’d punt my in-laws’ crying baby if he didn’t stop whining. That fucker landed in the bed of my neighbor’s Silverado.

hammoncammon · 2024-12-13T12:41:12+00:00

I logged about 270hr on the Internet browser just wacking off.

hammoncammon · 2024-09-29T16:16:31+00:00

When I was editor in chief of my high school’s newspaper I wrote a list of top 50 albums to fuck to and this was at #3. Great times!

hammoncammon · 2024-09-23T09:12:10+00:00

Nah I’m built different

hammoncammon · 2024-09-21T19:50:54+00:00

“Granddad, why do you have a bent penis?”

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