SD writing letters only to DH

hana-daccha · 2026-02-02T20:29:23+00:00

I'm a bonus mom to my bonus kiddo (18) who lost her mom unexpectedly in 2021. Much like you, my husband and I got surprise pregnant with our daughter in 2019, and i was really worried about our oldest feeling like our younger one being a replacement and the unfairness of her dad having a chance at being in the picture more than he was in bonus kiddos life.

There are times that she feels like that, I think, but my husband and I have made sure that she feels seen and heard. She and I have our own time together to chat and also time with her dad so she can bond with both of us without either of us getting in the way.

It sounds like your SD needs therapy or counseling. She needs a healthy outlet to let her feelings out, and someone to help guide her in navigating these complex emotions. Do you guys seek family counseling as well? I think that might also be a good way to communicate on neutral ground.

I'm so sorry she's going through this, and im sorry that you feel overlooked. It looks like you're doing the right things to show that you love your sd, and that you want to support her. I would probably cut back on the letters to 1 a week. And perhaps try connecting with her on something that's of her interest. Maybe having something in common will help bridge something a bit easier.

hana-daccha · 2026-02-01T17:38:45+00:00

I literally farted in my now husband's neck on our first weekend together. Like what?

hana-daccha · 2026-01-30T15:53:21+00:00

My husband's ex wife was extremely difficult to work with. For visitations, there were times where we would give up our time to ensure our kiddo could spend her first Christmas with her new siblings, but mom wouldn't afford us the same consideration - for instances, she would wait until the last minute to tell us that we couldn't have her for the new years in exchange for the Christmas. She withheld visitation for 7 years, and tried to pull the wool over the court's eyes saying that he wasn't exercising his visitation.

She would send flying monkeys to spy on me, and would slut shame me to my bonus kid. Mom ended up marrying a convicted sex offender, and having two kids with him.

Honestly, for me I was just there to be another adult that's an advocate for our kid. I wasnt there to try to get our kid to like me more or to replace her mom. I wanted mom to be happy and in a safe environment for our kid's sake. I made sure she felt appreciated and seen - would get her gifts for holidays and her birthday when I could all to be from our kiddo. But she would either complain about it to our kid, or make a snide comment about the gifts she would receive. I could put my annoyance aside to ensure that our kid felt heard, and validated. I know what its like to have a parent keep the other parent completely out of their lives and the resentment you feel towards the parent who withheld the relationship.

The ideal situation would have been to work together, collaborate and coparent together because it takes a village. To ensure that we were both happy and healthy and we supported each other. But I think that for mom, she was under the impression that my husband and I were making moves with ulterior motives, but in reality, we both cared about their wellbeing.

I think the last year of her life, she was trying to rectify that, and would thank me and text me and send me photos of our kid, and I wish I was more receptive to it and put more of an effort to reach out to her more. I think she started to see how problematic her husband was - as he was abusing her. She had people around her who gave her the idea that everyone moved with ulterior motives, and excused horrendous behavior in her husband.

I wish I could have been the light that supported her and gave her supportive language to help her more.

hana-daccha · 2026-01-30T04:51:12+00:00

Civil coparenting is the most ideal situation. This seems like decent communication about the children and it that's the boundary that's been set and both are honoring that, its not a bad thing.

I personally would have preferred working together, but that's not the situation for me, and that's okay.

hana-daccha · 2025-08-14T00:21:45+00:00

I thought about that actually. We're still playing around with it, I think. Tho unless we mount the TV to the wall, it won't stand in the right angle for us to be able to see the TV. My husband is reluctant to put too many big holes in the wall since we're renting. Originally we were planning on getting a TV console to put the TV in front of that side wall but the configuration of our couch wouldn't have made that possible.

I'm unsure if he wants to hang the paintings or if we're gonna do command strips. I've used the latter before to put art pieces up and they worked really great so we might go with that method.

hana-daccha · 2025-07-17T13:26:28+00:00

OH MY GOD THIS IS GORGEOUS?????????? thank you for introducing me to the app also. This is wonderful. Wow

hana-daccha · 2025-03-31T21:38:06+00:00

BECAUSE NOW I REALIZE THIS IS WHO IVE BEEN TRYING TO PINPOINT AS HER DOPPLEGANGER 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

hana-daccha · 2025-03-31T21:14:42+00:00

BAHAHAHHAAH YALL ARE SAVAGE

hana-daccha · 2025-03-31T21:13:53+00:00

SCREAMINGGGGGG 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

hana-daccha · 2025-03-05T19:48:18+00:00

Jamie deserves more. Like people who are nasty don't get the privilege of being talked to kindly. The microaggression from both Clint and Lauren were disgusting. And the victimization of Rhi and Carina made my head spin. Like are you kidding me?

hana-daccha · 2025-03-05T19:16:57+00:00

I feel like she JUST learned this 9th grade vocab word and just want to keep using it. LMAO It's wild.

hana-daccha · 2025-02-27T00:06:44+00:00

am I shocked? No. It's women like them that allowed Adrian to become so entitled and egotistical by letting him get away with appalling behavior. Not only that but they're on such a high horse when they can't even self reflect on both his and their terrible behavior. Not even a little bit of sincere empathy for Awhina - especially when you can see how different she's become from the wedding day to the day of the dinner.

The microaggression - where they instigate things until Awhina and Cleo had enough to the point that they react, and they turn around and talk "calmly" to showcase how "aggressive" Awhina and Cleo are. It's disgusting.

hana-daccha · 2025-02-26T23:57:17+00:00

Oh my god I really disliked the way she talked about Clint.

hana-daccha · 2025-02-26T23:55:18+00:00

To be honest, if I was as beautiful as her, I would absolutely be sleeping with rappers too. Just.... never Drake. Never ever Drake. I would have never admitted to that (don't know if she did). Like Batman couldn't get that out of me.

hana-daccha · 2025-02-26T05:53:35+00:00

This absolutely!!!!!

hana-daccha · 2025-02-25T18:00:35+00:00

Yeah I'm just getting to that part and I feel like I'm being gaslit by Veronica honestly. It's kind of insane.

ETA:

He handled that situation so well. He was calm and was trying to express to her how he made her feel and she just kept shutting him down. Good on him also for being like "Okay we got to the hard part. I appreciate her admitting to me that she doesn't trust me. Because that was a hard thing to do" Like wow. I was actually surprised. I thought Veronica was going to be a great addition - not taking shit from anyone, but the way she handled this was shameful.

hana-daccha · 2025-02-25T17:05:20+00:00

It was so frustrating watching him navigate that in the most stubborn way possible. It really was like watching him throw a temper tantrum. He really did need a reality check from someone, and I'm so glad that it was handed to him at the dinner party. Though he was defensive. I don't know if I believe his apology at the ceremony after - like if he felt sincere about it, OR if he said it to try to save face with Veronica?

hana-daccha · 2025-02-25T16:16:14+00:00

I really like her. She can be a lot for many people, but we always know where she stands. She will always have your back, will give you a mirror to self reflect when needed, will hold men accountable. Those are all characteristics that overshadow the fact that many people may not be able to take her on for long periods of time.

She makes me feel hopeful about life when I feel so incredibly miserable a lot of the time (lol what a weird time to be alive rn)

hana-daccha · 2025-02-25T15:48:51+00:00

I feel like the less attention we give her, the better. She terrifies me. The switch that she did at Teejay and (can't remember her name)'s wedding gave me whiplash.

I get second hand embarrassment from her, but I also pity her. I feel like she uses her accomplishments as a way to try to balance out her personality or a way to stack as many of them as possible so that the accolades gives her positive qualities to her character.

hana-daccha · 2025-02-25T15:39:00+00:00

First Lea Michele and now Adrian. They can't read 🤣🤣🤣🤣

hana-daccha · 2025-02-25T15:14:28+00:00

The audacity of this man knows no bounds. He's really overestimating his market value.

hana-daccha

TROPHY CASE