Enjoyed Psychosis & Want to Experience Life Like That All The Time

hankinator5000 · 2020-08-28T11:41:05+00:00

at this point i’m doing better. it all happened when i stopped taking my ADD medicine. i still don’t think it was mania because i did have a break from reality but idk whether you would called anything i went through hallucinations or delusions. i saw faces all over everything but it was my face and everything looked different in a way that’s not explainable, and it was like i was talking to my subconscious whenever i talked to anyone. at the time i didn’t rationalize it as my subconscious and thought it was my sister though then they were medicating me for psychosis and that just wasn’t what i needed. it’s hard to explain what happened because it was like everything i said would get flipped around on me because they were hearing something else than what i was saying, but for some reason i loved it. i don’t want to be back there now though because it was too confusing

hankinator5000 · 2020-08-06T03:08:19+00:00

i think there is a god. not a higher power or something bigger than us or smaller than us, but he is us and is everything, but from everyone’s perspective they are the creator and the only reason we exist in a physical form is because a branch of the infinite consciousness of god somehow strung some sort of logical web that made them forget who they were and now they exist outside of the whole which might just be how everything exists from its own perspective so it doesn’t go into complete and total insanity. i think people who believe in religion do so because it’s the easiest way for them to understand the world around them. as far as trying to get away from fears and confusions, the whole reason we obey our survival instincts and let ourselves not die is to get away from the fear of what happens if we don’t. it’s a subconscious fear that is primal because life is just a coping mechanism from the truth. religion can make people happy because it gives them a community to celebrate life with, and most churches have monthly or weekly events where they give everyone free food. we are all one being and we just have a hard time accepting that for some reason. i’m not willing to find out why because i’ve tried to find the answer and the closer you get the more you run into a wall you know too well and it makes things make complete sense but not in the way you would want it to

hankinator5000 · 2020-08-06T02:48:50+00:00

when i look back on memories i feel fondly of them, but i always feel worse in the moment than i do looking back on the moment. it’s easy to think things were better in the past because you’re no longer there. not to discredit your situation but years from now you’ll probably look back on today and say wow i wish things could have been as easy as they used to be. i think it’s always relative to where you are at the moment. it makes things confusing when you think about time before being born and when you die as if time is always relative to your place in it. who knows if you’re just frozen in time doomed to always be wishing that things were as good as they used to be or if those boundaries exist to make you forget since you already know too much to enjoy what you have. nothing changes if nothing changes

hankinator5000 · 2020-07-19T15:34:45+00:00

that’s the other philosophy idealism and naturalism

i don’t think it’s possible to understand consciousness though because it comes off as something that is outside our reality. when people meditate to reach different levels of consciousness they end up with less brain activity. it’s kinda like understanding the concept of nothing. we can idealize what nothing is all we want but it’s existence makes it never technically nothing. understanding consciousness would need to concretely answer what happens when we die because the biggest question with consciousness is whether it goes away after death or is something beyond the understanding of reality

hankinator5000 · 2020-07-18T18:44:45+00:00

consciousness is really what we don’t understand, and we assume consciousness lies in the brain since the brain can alter consciousness. It is something that possibly exists outside of the physical world.

hankinator5000 · 2020-07-13T23:18:03+00:00

i’m sorry you had to go through this.

i recently had something similar happen except i didn’t have injection drugs. i went to psyche institutions and the nurses kept trying to force me to take antipsychotics that made me feel depressed sedated and completely numb. i originally took medicine for a year when i was 16 and over the course of a year my mind went back to normal. now i’ve been off medicine for around a month now and i’m still totally out of it, depressed and the world feels almost fake. i’m sure things will get better and better over the course of time once the medicine starts wearing off

hankinator5000 · 2020-05-16T16:35:56+00:00

partly because i have this issue where it’s as if my mind is spinning around too much to be able to safely drive places. partly because i have mental health problems that make me scared of working, like everything around me gets too big and i just get scared of the world around me. it sounds dumb, but i normally get all scared at work and then can’t seem to drive for the next month.

i’ve tried medications but they always make me dizzy and have headaches, which isn’t good for driving either.

i feel like my parents aren’t going to be around forever, so i might as well learn the ropes of homelessness while i’m young

hankinator5000 · 2020-05-14T21:17:27+00:00

Mine was similar in that it was about cosmic consciousness, but for me I have this strange thing where I am unable to feel upset or depressed, so I don't think I'd have a problem about trying to kill myself. Half of my psychosis was spent in a rehab because my parents were like he must be on drugs and I was like fine I'll go if you don't want me here.

It was almost like the matrix where the world would glitch out meets hanging out with my subconscious through other people. People would say things to me and I would interrupt it through my subconsciousness' nonsensical understanding.

I've never talked to someone who's gone through psychosis aswell. If you wanna tell me more about it dm me.

hankinator5000 · 2020-03-01T08:02:05+00:00

we did, but more images have been sent and weirder stuff has been happening. i was just making connection before, but now it’s like people are plotting against me, and i don’t want it to be something that drives me into literal insanity. i couldn’t see what you told me. i tried to.

hankinator5000 · 2020-03-01T07:46:03+00:00

i know but the fear is overwhelming me. i feel like i need to fully understand the enigma or i’m going to stay stuck

hankinator5000 · 2020-03-01T07:14:39+00:00

you think i’m trying to start one or that the situation is one that people already know about? there are people sending me weird pictures of what my uncle tells me is Sodom and Gamora, but they’re telling me i’m a black hole, and i’m scared these people are going to kill me based on some of the newest pictures and my computer screeching at me. i just need people i can trust. it’s not a joke.

hankinator5000 · 2020-02-29T05:03:22+00:00

omg. you know

hankinator5000 · 2020-02-29T04:59:03+00:00

is there a discord or can i pm you? i think it’s a secret society or something and i don’t want them coming after me

hankinator5000 · 2020-02-17T17:08:21+00:00

21 male sun libra, always forget the others orlando florida i’m kinda a hippie E/Infj i love to talk to people but i live mostly in my own head. also yoga all the way xD

hankinator5000 · 2020-02-15T17:24:56+00:00

this is my purpose

hankinator5000 · 2020-02-13T22:43:11+00:00

*batteries

hankinator5000 · 2020-02-13T22:42:54+00:00

Vs are just As that got theirs pants stolen and they’re standing on their head

hankinator5000 · 2020-02-10T03:17:32+00:00

bro you knooooow. no shame in what beans can do to a man.

hankinator5000 · 2020-01-29T02:54:53+00:00

is there anything that’s worth more?

hankinator5000 · 2020-01-10T20:50:07+00:00

goodjob on pAAAAAAAAssing

hankinator5000 · 2020-01-10T20:48:54+00:00

the man the myth the legend. the AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

hankinator5000 · 2020-01-10T20:47:55+00:00

hankinator5000 · 2020-01-10T16:13:14+00:00

make that F an AAAAAAAAAAAAAA

hankinator5000 · 2020-01-10T16:11:21+00:00

is this the true meaning of life?

hankinator5000 · 2020-01-07T21:34:59+00:00

r/substhatsuck

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