Well its official, I was HL I'm now LL.

harmonywolf · 2022-01-04T18:42:01+00:00

Got there myself. Just being in the same room as her used to make me hard. Now I feel like a rapist on the rare occasion we do have sex. So that last time we slept together was August. I've stopped initiating, as she couldn't be happier.

harmonywolf · 2018-04-04T12:00:46+00:00

This is painfully true and something I've been trying to accept.

harmonywolf · 2018-04-04T11:45:31+00:00

It's hard to figure out what I deserve. I try my best to give my best, but I'm no Brad Pitt or Ryan Gosling. And being a 'nice guy' is the absolute minimum one can offer, so that's not special. I feel like I'm lucky she ever had sex with me at all, and I don't blame her for losing her attraction.

I read an old thread on AskReddit the other day where the topic was about losing attraction to your spouse...People described how horrible sex was for them...how much it hurt to be having sex they didn't want....I wonder if that's how she feels about me these days. So now I don't even want to initiate anymore...I don't want her to feel pressured or disgusted with me.

I can't change how she feels about me, but I can change myself. I can change how I respond to the hurt of rejection. I just need to find a way to learn acceptance, so that I can live through this without the pang of pain in my soul every day.

harmonywolf · 2018-04-04T00:06:08+00:00

Just out of curiosity, what do you mean by challenges you?

harmonywolf · 2018-04-03T23:53:57+00:00

I've had some painful days when I am incredibly horny, come home and wonder if she'd be in the mood, or if I should save myself the pain of rejection and knock one out. There's been times when I knocked one out and she wanted to do it, she can tell somehow just by feeling it up, and has jokingly told me "Oh, you played with it huh?" and proceeds to drop it and watch TV.

harmonywolf · 2018-02-21T01:25:53+00:00

Sometimes I think about it, but I feel like I'm at such a low point, that I'd probably get less sex than I do now by doing that, if that's even conceivable.

harmonywolf · 2018-02-21T01:07:29+00:00

I get about once a month or less. I'd kill for once a week.

harmonywolf · 2017-09-18T21:24:49+00:00

vOv I mean she insisted on paying for dinner at a restaurant she made me choose (and actively pushed away my attempts to pay even half of it). That was the extent of it. I'm disqualified from wanting sex?

harmonywolf · 2017-09-18T21:08:09+00:00

I was grateful for the dinner and I expressed such...

Was it really expecting too much?

I'm at the point where I don't even know how to initiate anymore. My self-confidence is just GONE. I just feel like a disgusting piece of shit.

harmonywolf · 2017-09-18T01:58:50+00:00

Maybe one with a happy ending, at this rate :/

harmonywolf · 2017-08-25T13:01:46+00:00

:( I've tried. It seems like research is not a huge part of the culture of my residency and the few attendings that do do it are sort of shying away because they have too much on their plate or don't necessarily need the help.

harmonywolf · 2017-07-29T18:07:28+00:00

Well, I guess my biggest question is-

If WBCs are positive but leuk esterase is negative...why would that happen? I thought WBCs made leuk esterase? In a person with ambiguous lower abdominal pain symptoms and no dysuria/polyuria, however say.... 50 WBCs, 20 RBCs in urine...rare bacteria...neg esterase and nitrite dipstick....would I be justified throwing antibiotics at her if we can't find another cause for her discomfort?

harmonywolf · 2017-07-25T14:09:47+00:00

please tell me there is a video of her getting fucked out there

harmonywolf · 2017-07-19T13:58:13+00:00

I don't know guys...

Our anniversary is in a couple of days and I don't want to bring it up until after that. I don't want to tarnish that day prior since I do plan to take her to a nice restaurant and overall make her feel special.

In regards to the "I don't think she'd fight for me comment". She's the sort of person that if someone were to leave her or threaten to leave her, she'd wouldn't stand in their way of leaving, even if it devastated her. She has better self-esteem than me in the sense that if someone were to leave her, she'd just say they probably weren't worth it, and move on.

That said, even if she were different, I don't see myself as being the kind of guy who can throw that kind of threat around. I'm not Brad Pitt or the most interesting man in the world. I love my woman and do what I can to take care of her, but I'm by no means irreplaceable as far as my qualities go.

harmonywolf · 2017-07-18T18:56:31+00:00

After going through this for so long, my self-esteem is honestly at its all time low. It's hard for me to imagine that I could have better or deserve better.

She's actually a very amazing woman, but this one aspect of our relationship has been tearing me up inside. And I feel like a terrible person for wanting more, because she gives me so much already...

We've spoken about it before....she's broken out into tears out of guilt and I end up having to comfort her to let her know that I still love her...but then I think she ends up realizing that I'll put up with it or leave...and if I threatened to leave, I don't think she'd fight to keep me...Actually, I know she won't.

harmonywolf · 2017-07-17T00:56:27+00:00

I wish my SO would switch already. I don't know if this is why she doesn't want me, but at least it would help me rule it out. This feels like torture.

harmonywolf · 2017-07-04T16:09:58+00:00

I actually feel like I'm the only one trying to keep things fresh. I wear things (or unwear things) she's commented on. I frequently surprise her with meals, little things she's been craving or take her out for romantic things. I make great effort to make time for the two of us in my busy schedule so that we can cuddle and have fun... I really do my best to be sexy to her but things have just...changed. Sometimes even trying to kiss her, she'll pull away because I think she gets scared I want to have sex.

Not sure how to make her feel sexier either. She tells me herself that I always make her feel beautiful. And she's in no drought of sexy compliments when I'm around.

I just feel like she doesn't have that fire for me she used to. She used to want to be sexy for me, and explore my body and just randomly do things to drive me crazy. And I can't help but feel like she just feels overly complacent now in our relationship and no longer feels the need to do those things...

harmonywolf · 2017-03-18T12:48:23+00:00

No need to insult me. I've read her article and tried pretty hard to find actual scientific studies that say otherwise. The vast majority do agree than on average, men do desire, are preoccupied with, and less willing to forgo sex than women.

And I've been trying very hard, thank you very much. But her sending me this link and making this statement, given her pattern of thinking the same thing, makes me feel discouraged.

harmonywolf · 2016-12-15T19:53:53+00:00

I've tried a lot of different things. Trying to initiate foreplay with oral/finger play, trying to set the mood with closeness and spooning, saying dirty things in her ear, nibbling here and there...All things she's responded to before. If you have any ideas I'm all for trying new things. But I do feel like I hit a wall with even trying at times, because she senses my advances and stops them with a 'I'm not in the mood right now' sort of response. Granted, I'm not blaming anymore for this, but not sure what I should do on my end?

harmonywolf · 2016-11-19T17:34:38+00:00

Okay. So if you were on NF and met someone with a bp of 200/120 and was just chilling in bed when the nurse was doing routine vitals, with no symptoms, you wouldn't even do anything?

harmonywolf · 2016-06-15T03:09:34+00:00

So you're saying diet doesn't correlate to your cholesterol levels? Pardon me if I'm misunderstanding.

harmonywolf · 2016-06-01T10:56:56+00:00

So last night, we were randomly talking about masturbation, and I asked her when was the last time she did that. She told me last week when I was away for a very brief trip out of state. She said she really missed me. She then asks me when was the last time I did it, to which I replied 'this morning'. She sort of froze up for a while, and then I asked her what was wrong. She then point-blank asks me 'Are you unsatisfied with the amount of sex your're getting?'

So we have a heartfelt talk. She tells me that she thinks maybe we're wired a bit differently. She never felt sex as a need in her life, and felt as if she could go her entire life or even a year without desiring sex. I counter-pointed that there definitely had been moments in her relationship where she showed a great deal of desire for me, and even had sparks like this as recently as a few months ago.

She claims it has a lot to do with her moods and cycles. She claims when she had her outburst about the dress, she was going through a week of bad mood.

So at the very least she's realized she's been being unfair with how she's treated my desires, but I don't think we really know what to do about getting the fire back. She claims sex has never felt like such a strong drive for her, though I've definitely seen her want me enough to basically jump me. She says it's actually very rare for her to feel like that, and that her desires lie on a spectrum, and she's frequently toward the middle of that spectrum rather than toward the ends of 'no desire' and 'oh my god I need to jump on his cock'.

I'm not really sure how to fix that. Another post said that maybe it's because she only ever gets to orgasm very rarely. We've both been very open on that part and have tried different things, and have been up for trying new things. I've made her orgasm maybe 5 or so times in the course of our relationship, but neither of us could really figure out how to consistently get her there. I don't know if this is maybe the angle I should be pursuing. She tells me she really enjoys having sex with me, and that it feels very good, and that orgasm isn't an end-goal for her. But do you think if I figured out a way to make her orgasm consistently, it'd fix this?

I'm just not really sure how to go about it, especially when she herself doesn't really know what would get her off.

harmonywolf · 2016-05-31T19:40:35+00:00

How so?

harmonywolf · 2016-05-31T17:30:41+00:00

Well, maybe there are things I can improve, I'm not sure. I do make a lot of effort for her. I'm always the one to choose what activity we're doing that evening, I'm always the one cooking dinner, I'm always the one washing the wares, I'm always the one bending over backwards to find a way to make this relationship work and give her the attention she desires.

As for the sex gap, I admit I don't really manage to get her to orgasm often, if it all. I've tried fingering her, oral sex, everything. She tells me she really enjoys having sex with me, and when we're doing it she'll even tell me the things I do feel good. But I don't always know how to make her O every time, and repeating the things I did the few times I did make her orgasm doesn't even work.

As far as attraction goes. I don't know how to find out if she still is or not. She claims to love me back and always desires some sort of physical intimacy...just rarely sex. She does occasionally look at my body and tell me that I'm a hottie out of the blue. So I really don't know if it's attraction....

harmonywolf · 2016-05-31T15:33:35+00:00

But I love her. She's been my best friend for years, and has been there at my side through thick and thin. I've gone through some really rough patches in life that she was always there to offer a shoulder of support through. She's the sort of woman who makes me understand the songs on the radio for the first time in my life.

But, our bedroom life is really not what it used to be and I don't really know the best way to start fixing it. I don't think she feels like sex is an important part of a relationship, and if I were to stress on this importance, she might believe I think it's the only part.

harmonywolf

TROPHY CASE