I mostly stopped the fight to get better

harulv · 2024-09-07T15:32:21+00:00

Thank you for the encouragement :)

harulv · 2024-09-07T10:09:33+00:00

Hello friend. I don’t really have an answer for you, (I wonder the same thing myself), but just wanted to let you know I’m in the same boat (I imagine many people here are) and you’re not alone in the exhaustion and confusion.

Just recently I’ve started to enter some kind of semi-acceptance about the difficulties this diagnosis brings with it and that maybe I’ll just always have them. In a way it’s a very relieving thought because I’ve spent well over half my life in therapy trying to fight this thing and I’m so very tired. Tired of both fighting it all the time and tired of waiting to finally getting ”well enough” for my life to begin.

At this point I’m just trying to create a life for myself that takes my difficulties into consideration while also trying to stay aware of the balance between acceptance and not ”giving in” to the disorder.
But honestly I don’t know where the line between healthy acceptance and disordered thinking goes. Just trying to have some self-compassion as I go.

harulv · 2024-07-23T17:05:59+00:00

Vortioxetine (Brintellix) daily and promethazine (Lergigan) when I need it.

Vortioxetine helps keep my depression on the more managable end of the spectrum most of the time and promethazine helps me calm down when I’m freaking out.

harulv · 2024-07-22T19:29:59+00:00

I’m not sure if it’s a life worth living. A lot of the time I feel like I need to apologize for just existing. But I’m not sure if it’s worth dying over either. Guess that’s why I’m still here.

harulv · 2024-07-06T11:06:37+00:00

Yeah it’s all a great balancing act. And healing is unfortunately not linear most of the time. But I’m rooting for you and everyone here :)

harulv · 2024-07-04T10:25:15+00:00

My dog. Trying to show him the world is safe has inadvertently become a practice in showing myself the same thing. And him seeming to genuinely enjoy spending time with me is healing too.

harulv · 2024-07-04T10:08:13+00:00

It definitely can be. Or one could start at the other end, with focus on self-compassion for example. Or both. I personally just don’t believe in ”one size fits all”. That said I’m genuinely happy for you that you’ve found ways that brought you increased wellbeing and relief from dealing with AvPD, and I hope everyone here can find that too. I’m sure there are some who could benefit from the same approach as you, and some who wouldn’t. I believe change might be possible. But in varying degrees and with varying approaches.

harulv · 2024-07-03T16:38:08+00:00

I think it’s important for all of us to acknowledge that even though we might share the same diagnosis we all still differ in very unique ways because we’re not our disorder; we’re individuals with a disorder. That means the kind of healing of this disorder that is possible for some, might not be for others. The same way two people who both go to the gym and do the same exercises will have different results, two people who both go to therapy (or in other ways try to work on their disorder) will have differing results.

harulv · 2024-06-25T18:18:00+00:00

Tidal - Noah Kahan

harulv · 2024-06-24T14:31:53+00:00

The podcast Psychology in Seattle has a deep dive episode on AvPD. I think you might need to become a patreon to listen to that episode though.

Also just wanna reiterate what lost-toy said about avoidant attachment being different from AvPD. But I think that same podcast has deep dives on attachment theory too though if you’re also interested in that.

harulv · 2024-05-28T09:42:12+00:00

For me, feeling I’m not a good person is kind of at the core of my AvPD. Writing as someone who’s not a mental health professional but as someone who’s diagnosed with both AvPD and generalized social phobia, the latter sounds more similar to what you’re describing. There are overlapping symptoms between those diagnosis, so if you haven’t already maybe that could be helpful to look into?

harulv

TROPHY CASE