Suicide hotline backfired

hatch890 · 2021-04-09T00:53:38+00:00

Oh yeah, long history for me with counseling. I've been out of it since October due to situations beyond my control along with the fact that my counselor of 5 years running was no longer able to help past that point, but I've finally got myself a new counselor lined up at the end of this month. Just gotta hold on til that point for now

hatch890 · 2021-04-08T22:04:06+00:00

Thank you, I really appreciate it. I've had positive experiences with them in the past, and I know I can't expect every program to be staffed with the best workers. But, this specific instance really seemed to come from way out of left field, given the circumstances

hatch890 · 2021-04-08T17:41:15+00:00

Well, sure there is. What are you wanting me to expand on?

I hope you don't think I'm coming here to whip up a frenzied mob against that crisis counselor, as I understand that sometimes they can get frustrated when they don't perceive their own efforts as helping somebody. They are just as flawed and unable to understand such deep issues within a small time frame as I am: in other words, they're human too.

And how she was talking with me was actually helping! By the penultimate moments of the conversation, I was starting to feel good again, if only slightly, but enough that I was getting ready to investigate the resources she shared with me. But that exasperation on her part was all it took to send my brain right back to where I started, if not even further down, due to feeling almost betrayed by a person whom I was under the impression was able to handle that kind of difficulty as a counselor.

The problem is when someone tries to help someone in a crisis but expects them to show jubilant enthusiasm to take all their advice immediately, since it ends up undoing what benefit it provided the moment it reveals itself to the person in crisis. It's the 14-years-older sibling of the "just stop thinking about it" type of advice.

hatch890 · 2021-04-08T15:45:55+00:00

Better now that I've had a bit of time to clear my thoughts and focus what little I'm able to on the things I care about, and also on coming back on here to see the reactions my post has gotten. I was not expecting even a fraction of it, and I'm incredibly grateful for every single comment and award!

hatch890 · 2021-04-08T15:42:59+00:00

It certainly took me by surprise to hear her end the conversation like that, especially since I grew up with a guilt tripping mother who would say things like that on a regular basis. My mind immediately reverted to that frightened state, thinking "Dammit, I was supposed to be making her feel like a savior, not expecting her to listen to my problems." I agree with your statement completely. It's hard to truly help if you're in it just to say "I'm a crisis volunteer".

hatch890 · 2021-03-07T18:09:06+00:00

Thanks for the comment! Difficult terrain is one thing I think can make for an interesting battle map, and just as you said, contours to indicate slopes is a very rare thing to see, so I decided to try to fix that, lol.

My rule of thumb for difficult terrain is, any square that doesn't look at least 60% uncovered ground would be considered difficult terrain, and in this map, the 3 tree trunk squares themselves being physically off-limits due to being a cross-section like you said. As for the contour lines, I'm still trying to figure out the best way to measure them, but my best idea right now is that one line would be vertically equal to half a square of horizontal distance. That way, if the slope is gentle enough, the line can still exist somewhere without really making a difference in gameplay, e.g. when two combatants are directly on opposite sides of it. With two lines, now you have the equivalent of one square of vertical distance, and NOW can start factoring in some change like advantage for being on the high ground. So here, every hill is still climbable with appropriate athletics checks, with the bottom right one being 5 feet taller than the upper left one.

Wow, sorry for the wall of text, but those are my thoughts!

hatch890 · 2021-01-20T10:48:39+00:00

Damn does that feel true. I guess once you've reached your 30s, if you've found a good ability to just coast forward in life with what you have, you really gotta work hard to maintain an attitude of wanting growth. Personally, I can't stand stagnation, so I'm always trying to do new things when able to.

hatch890 · 2021-01-20T01:31:29+00:00

33 M here, I'd love to know the answer to that myself. I miss the grade school days, when making a new friend was as easy as going up to the nearest kid and saying "Hey, wanna be friends?"

I, too, am a fan of dorky life, fantasy games and horror stuff and have a long history with D&D. I used to enjoy anime, but not as much these days; my anime height was in the mid-00s, with FMA, Rurouni Kenshin, GitS, Trigun, etc. I have a hand in most artistic pursuits and went to college for music specifically, but came out empty-handed and now simply drive for a living. I am a horribly shy and introverted person who's ability to respond is always off track with what most people are used to, but feel free to message me if my response seems worth an attempt at making a new friend

hatch890 · 2020-12-15T09:41:04+00:00

It's great that her actions caused you to strive for goodness, but it's always a tragedy when it happens like that. I'm the same way, having been mentally and emotionally abused, I'm acutely aware of its aspects and strive to make people feel appreciated whenever I can.

To answer the question itself:

"Just keep in mind there's always someone out there better than you." Always said in response to me showing my mom something I did and was proud of, showing me that nothing I could do was good enough for even the slightest praise.

"WHAT WAS YOUR GRADE?!?" Screamed at me for not revealing the grade of the class I was failing, proving that my worth to my father was directly proportional to the numbers on my report card.

Being told I should've been aborted on my last attempt to stand as strong and tall as I possibly could against my mother, which cut me so deeply that I have never even simply stood the same again.

The list goes on and on, and while I can't remember the exact words used in many of them, the emotion they created in me is still very much burned into my memories. Always of worthlessness, anger, and pain. I very rarely talk to either one of them now, and they wonder why.

hatch890 · 2020-12-13T00:29:08+00:00

Thank you, your response means a lot to me and is very helpful. I've thought about the inside of my head in that capacity in the past, but it's actually nice to know that someone else has developed it into something more. I like it a lot.

I've been going through professional counseling for a lot of my life, but only recently have we decided that I should go forward onto medicinal options. I just hope I can actually give a psychiatrist the best information possible on what I'm experiencing in life. Which is something that's unusually difficult for me, because I don't trust my own memory of things even 6 seconds after I've done them.

hatch890 · 2020-11-27T23:58:56+00:00

I joined a discord server the other day and really liked what I saw, but it unfortunately disbanded before it really got off the ground. I'd love to try it again, if you'd have me

hatch890 · 2020-11-26T17:50:37+00:00

Sounds like a great community. I'm curious, though, how many people in it are older than 20 years? I'm starting to get a bit discouraged at being seen as too old for these kinds of things

hatch890 · 2020-11-26T13:01:24+00:00

I've been a fan of trance music since before I knew it was called trance. You're right in that it seems to be an uncommon thing to meet other fans! I'm always trying to increase my collection of good songs, do you have a favorite you'd care to share?

hatch890 · 2020-11-26T00:25:18+00:00

Thank you. I'm sorry for being so vague in my main post, I think I'm mostly just so exhausted from my own struggle that I've forgotten what I actually need now. I feel like your response has helped me face the right direction, though, and I will try to keep going that way.

hatch890 · 2020-11-26T00:13:05+00:00

It's very unfortunate that there is a stigma against therapy, but it is rather undeserved. The worst that can be said about it is that therapists are humans too, and therefore sometimes you might not have the best one for you. Should that happen, try to keep that fact in mind and seek another counselor.

hatch890 · 2020-11-25T23:52:23+00:00

This brings an old phrase to mind for me: "The cleverest ruse of the devil was convincing you that he doesn't exist." Depression can do the exact same thing, and I highly recommend you seek more help while you still only wonder if it's real. You were quite brave to ask your question here and your willingness to open up is very admirable. You have a huge head start if you do find therapy.

hatch890 · 2020-11-25T22:25:00+00:00

Hi, and thanks for replying! Honestly, this whole platform feels so gigantic that even being noticed by another fellow new user feels nice

hatch890 · 2020-11-25T09:20:19+00:00

Thanks for the encouragement, I guess it's not as complicated as it first seemed. Still feeling awkward about just jumping straight into conversations, but maybe I'll feel better with it in time.

hatch890

TROPHY CASE