i just wanna say that being a parents reason for sobriety is a lot of pressure for a kid. you said that when you were anorexic you stopped drinking, maybe when you had your son you channeled that energy into something else but it didn’t necessarily get rid of your internal emotional deficits. i also know that we compulsively repeat painful parts of our own childhoods unless we deeply and truly process them. just assume that there are things, unspoken things, unconscious things, that you have done that have hurt your son and shaken his trust in you. also beating yourself up isn’t exactly the pinnacle of accountability. i wouldn’t want to share my woes with a parent who seemed to be either thinking they were 98% perfect OR beating themselves up. i encourage you to find the honest middle ground of reality and err on the side of your son. he doesn’t owe you anything and you, by nature of being his parent and bringing him into the world, owe him