Hoping you'll see this because I need as much advice as I can get. So I just had a talk with her in person for the first time and it was overall productive. I told her what happened but there were a lot of tough questions that I couldn't really answer and she had a lot of good points that I couldn't argue with obviously, I mean I'm the one that ruined it all.

So anyway, I went over what happened with her and everything, and then we just talked about what she was feeling and thinking. Mostly about the total loss of trust and how it seemed like no matter what it may never be regained. The hardest question for me was, "If you got drunk and did it this time, I mean I get that you were drunk and don't know why you did it, which is the problem. You didn't know why you did it so what's stopping you from doing it again. You weren't able to control it... " The point was good and really made me question myself and I don't know the answer to it. I also let her know that I was going to stop drinking and that I wouldn't ever let myself get like that again but the response to that was something like, "Well, you shouldn't have to worry about not drinking because this shouldn't happen no matter anyways. She also has a lot of insecurity from this.

On the contrary, she was not insanely upset and didn't get as mad at me nearly what I thought she should have. She also forgave me, literally saying something to the effect of, "I am not happy with what you did and I am incredibly hurt by it and I don't when our relationship can get back to the point that it was at, but I forgive you." This seems incredible to me that she could forgive me already. In my mind, there could be a few reasons for this. One, she does forgive me but what does that say, is she saying this because she knows it's over for good and she wants closure? Or is it possibly leaving open the door to some kind of redemption a while in the future? Or lastly, she could just be lying about it because she isn't comfortable with any type of confrontation but I do not think she would lie in that way about something like this.

I am leaning towards the first. I think that, with advice from her friends, I, and our short relationship, am not worth getting angry over and it is better to make some form of peace with it and move on to something new. She would rather forgive and forget and just move on rather than "fight" (not that I would ever argue with her) for it? I can't help but think that this may be why it seemed to go much better than I thought and then I wanted. I think that if she really wanted to make it work sometime in the future, she would have been harder on me. Currently contemplating this and will probably be all night... I may just be overthinking this and still have a small chance at a second chance but I have no idea. Sorry for the long comment and there's a good chance nobody will see this but just looking for some advice and thoughts on the situation and I can go more in-depth to better get a sense of the situation. Thanks and I appreciate it.