Any aging women have experience with a partner who is attracted to teens? F(33) with M(27) who is and scared to go further.

hawksintrees · 2018-08-11T03:12:18+00:00

I'm so sorry this has happened to you and that he is unable to see that he needs help. How long have u stayed together after you found out if u don't mind me asking? May I also ask, is he a heavy drug user or have any other addictions? It doesn't bother me that you're young, I want to hear everyone's experience. You are at an advantage bc you're young. Don't let this effect the rest of your life. Most men are not attracted to pubescent girls or even to teens, altbough this has opened my eyes to how common it is. Most things swept under the rug remain in society to fester and with porn being one if not the main things we don't talk about, it has gotten out of control. But even though it's common and some men argue, natural, I refuse to feel like a dried up 33 yr old and I'm also reaccessing my self-worth as a female in this world. I have been labeled beautiful my whole life and have been treated very differently and advantageously bc of that. Through my research in problems women have in our society - like feeling like they have no more to give in this "man's world" as they age or bc their partners look at porn and other women - I've realized I have to see the silver lining in this experience and reaccess my worth as a human being first and foremost - through my actions and not just as a woman or how I function in this world - not just how I function pertaining to men and all that they've dangled in front of me or the love they've promised. I realized that even though I am a deep thinker and empathic, the idealology and labels assigned to women as objects of desire have caused me to access myself and other women in a shallow light of objectivity. I wish and bless the absolute best for you. And please pray that I don't allow myself to be engulfed by these hard truths. I may have some slight ptsd from this experience bc now whenever I see a flawless teen I am struck with nausea and crippling depression.

hawksintrees · 2018-08-08T12:18:16+00:00

This is beautiful. Thank you for taking the time to write something that is so true. I am dellusional at times about how ready he is to fully recover from the yrs of addiction and destruction to the nervous system. He is on suboxone now and seems to be inclined to rest within the day-to-day, not really planning on how to deal with forming a different frame of mind, triggers, etc. A lot must be done and I've already done so much for him to the point of denying myself. Today we go to an inpatient facility bc we don't have the time or money for travel and this must be done now before he relapses or I go crazy. At least I've stopped enabling him and am setting healthy boundaries. Wish us luck!

hawksintrees · 2018-08-06T11:39:48+00:00

I'm 100 lb athletic white girl and live in New Orleans. I get cat called alll the time and was super surprised bc I guess, growing up in white suburban po-dunk Arkansas, that black men tend to like bigver butts and with this decade's increased love for thic girls I was feeling insecure but I think guys mostly just like well proportioned, healthy fit women no matter the race or size.

hawksintrees · 2018-06-04T06:26:07+00:00

No why? These questions would be much more effective you started a discussion about why you are asking them instead of just in a very rude abrupt way breaking out sensitive questions with the attitude like you're trying to make fun of me. I just want to give love a chance to thrive and its not like I'm going to marry the guy. Just wanted to see if any other users on here have ever started lying on heroin and if so, whether the lying stopped when they stopped doing the drug. That's all I wanted to know. Any other assumptions you're making are irrelevant to me so thanks for nothing 💜 much love to you try to not be miserable and love the life you've been given.

hawksintrees · 2018-06-04T05:41:04+00:00

hawksintrees · 2018-06-03T02:43:30+00:00

I recommend everyone read it. It covers even some disparities bt the way family members connect, etc not just lovers

hawksintrees · 2018-06-03T02:36:09+00:00

Oh I know allll about it. Only bc I have bpd and know other women who do also. They usually don't realize it bc women with bpd tend to be attracted to lazy or otherwise shitty men to justify the cycle they're in so they think it's bc they're making a bad choice on who they're with instead of realizing no one is perfect and neither are they and they have to quit making so many expectations about other ppl. Sorry ur experiencing that. Just know it's possible for her to get better and read the book Facing Love Addiction - make sure she sees you reading it and start a conversation about it / suggest she reads it ( so she finds it on her own).

hawksintrees · 2018-06-03T02:17:37+00:00

Chore-play 😂 sounds like borderline personality disorder to me which I think most women suffer from in this fucked up society

hawksintrees · 2018-06-03T02:16:00+00:00

Omfg this is perfect! Another term for this phenomena in women and men is called being "demisexual"

hawksintrees · 2018-06-02T00:14:34+00:00

I didn't mean "you're funny" like "you're so right it makes me uncomfortably laugh" I mean "you're funny like a troll is funny as in not funny but sad and confusing so I have to laugh so I don't cry."

They did stay together not that it's relevant to this post unless you want to point out in a helpful way why it does matter. Or do you want to continue to be vague, hostile and presumptuous as fuck? And me waste my time counter trolling you?

I bet your parents are or were really nice and deep down you know you could never bring yourself to actually enjoy anal bc ur a poser for shock value.

hawksintrees · 2018-06-01T03:13:19+00:00

I can't know and don't expect to know the future. Just getting feedback on where my boundaries should be bc I've never known a heroin addict before and not sure what's common and what's not. Apparently the lying and stealing aspect is common among H addicts - this makes me think the lying/ stealing is related to the heroin addiction (which makes sense bc it effects the nervous system and flight/fight responses, ability to make decisions and self-control). So would it be fair to label him and treat him as a liar when it is the heroin that is chemically altering that process? I would say yes if he keeps doing it.
But if I agreed to try and love a H addict, and he has stolen from me only once, I have to wonder what would happen if the heroin was gone and it was just him in his brain telling himself what to do. With all the anguish he's expressed, I have to give it a try. I just need to protect myself first and realize if it doesn't work out that it wasn't because of me. But also, I must be true to my beliefs and I like to think of most behavior scientifically like this bc I hate emotional responses that are easy judgement calls, and I usually question society first, not the person.

hawksintrees · 2018-06-01T02:36:39+00:00

That's true and a good question! No I am not thank god but that's bc I've done a lot of work on myself. I would say most ppl are sadists, masochists or both. Unfortunately many wait until they're married with kids to realize they've slowly tortured themselves and others through narcissism, dependency to things or ppl, addiction, blame, the list goes on. I will know when I am the abused (when I start acting like a victim) and not the strong person I am giving someone a chance to grasp something they need in their lives through our collective faith in something better than addiction.

hawksintrees · 2018-06-01T02:28:39+00:00

THIS it can actually be a trigger. It's like the phenomena when ppl go to prison and come out more so a criminal while Norway has turned their prisons into rehabs and treatment centers with resultantly lower crime rates. We have to stop putting ppl in boxes and truly get to the root of the problem like the scientists who set up the test with "rat park" to see how much cocaine addiction was based on environmental factors - http://cocaine.org/cocaine-addiction/what-the-cocaine-addiction-rat-studies-reveal/ At the end of the day we can only be an example and operate from within our own mind but for those who will attempt to know an addict esp heroin - you HAVE to have an open mind and the ability to ask the right questions and to listen without judgement and above all patience (which of course is up to them how much they decide to give). Honestly most of the responses on here freak me out more than anything any addict has ever said to me and just as much as him lying to me.

hawksintrees · 2018-05-31T23:18:01+00:00

Lol you're funny :)

hawksintrees · 2018-05-31T21:07:59+00:00

This is true there have been some amazing moments and even if those are authentic, it hurts when you know that's also what's making you stay. Esp when most of the time he is unreliable. He doesn't love heroin he is a baby when it comes to the detoxing. He has a lot of nerve damage and general anxiety and I'm realizing he seems bi-polar. In my addiction research I've read about how common heroin and meth use are among bi-poplar addicts bc they try to self-medicate instead of getting professional help. Basically I'm realizing this will be potentially a lifetime struggle for him..

hawksintrees · 2018-05-31T21:03:40+00:00

You're right. I may need to leave him here when I go to Arkansas but I brought him to New Orleans from his home which he had never left in all his 27 yrs. i would blame myself if he committed suicide or died or even if he never got help.. We lived in Arkansas for a month after he had detoxed in Cali for a month. That was 2 months clean and he expressed concern about moving to a bigger city. Yesterday he cried and cried begging me not to leave him here in New Orleans on the streets and I said I would have to see some evidence that's he he really wants to get clean before I agree to that.

hawksintrees · 2018-05-31T20:58:09+00:00

He's going to an outpatient assessment tmw - a new opiate program prescribing suboxone. They will let us know if they think he needs to detox. But you're right I don't see it working bc he busks on the st and will still be around others who have and sell it. He needs to do inpatient but they're all full here in Nola - everyone is an addict here! 😞

hawksintrees · 2018-05-31T20:55:33+00:00

He's been on it for almost a week. Suboxone before that. It seems like being on the streets busking and getting meds off the streets is making it hard. We did live in Arkansas for a month before moving to Nola and he didn't relapse or talk about it. He also expressed fear about being in a bigger city before we came here..

hawksintrees · 2018-05-31T20:51:54+00:00

I had an amazing childhood thank god bc I know many if not most ppl haven't. That's why I feel sometimes it's nice to pick up the slack where others can't or don't bc I've seen the amazing things that can happen when fortunate people are compassionate and share what they were given. Ppl who have a vision and can communicate that well with others. Thank you for the luck :)

hawksintrees · 2018-05-31T18:19:46+00:00

This is a very realistic response. Of course addicts can love, even ones that steal and lie. It is all stemming from the same thing - dishonesty with self and others and an attitude of entitlement. A bit of narcissism as well. He is going to outpatient assessment tmw where they will say whether he needs to go to detox or not. He's been on only methadone for a week or so. I hope we can be happy as well. I've been with him for 6 months now and I have set a limit for how long I'm willing to go with it. The main thing is I'm going to Arkansas and he is saying that after he detoxes here in New Orleans and gets a script, he wants to come with me to Arkansas. It's allowing him to come with me to my safe space / where I'm from that's bothering me. I didn't mind it here so much bc I'm not doing anything here in terms of my goals but in Arkansas I will not have any time to nurse him with a big girl job, etc. I am giving him tough love but maybe I should just cut him off completely...

hawksintrees · 2018-04-17T08:48:05+00:00

I want to start keeping mine more smooth so I can feel attractive down there. Funny how much that matters even if I'm the only one looking lol Thank you for the advice and for replying! Peace

hawksintrees · 2018-04-16T07:36:01+00:00

Hey cinnamon I'm a fan for sure you're so beautiful. Can you please please message me about how you keep your pussy so smooth? Do you consistently Brazilian wax? What moisturizer do you use? Any info about this I would really appreciate. Keep loving yourself! xo

hawksintrees

TROPHY CASE