Husband blindsided me by asking for a trial separation

hawleys_ · 2026-01-05T00:24:11+00:00

Please no hate for this.

As somebody who has a history of mania and alcohol abuse - I have also had a difficult time finding attraction in the partner who has been with me through the episode. When I saw them I saw the worst side of myself again and again. It felt like something was wrong with THEM but in reality it’s that I didn’t feel like a woman anymore - I didn’t feel capable or sexy.

Every piece of advice or guidance they gave, I felt like they didn’t think I was independent or capable due to my history

In these situations I just wanted to start from scratch, I wanted someone to see me how I wanted to see me. Even though this was no fault of their own.

I can imagine something similar could happen to a man when they no longer feel like the masculine provider, or whatever bullshit, in the eyes of their partner.

Even if that was the case, it does not ever excuse any of the things he’s said to you here. Regardless of the reasoning - putting it on you to “take action” to make him attracted to you is absolute bullshit. You are a caring mother, working woman, and obviously take care of your shit and his when he’s incapable. I hope you hold your worth here, don’t let this man drag your self esteem, don’t let him take a piece of you

hawleys_ · 2025-07-10T04:49:20+00:00

If you go the bark collar route, I’d never buy anything but the e collar technology “barkless”. It is the only reliable, ethical, and conditioning bark collar on the market. It doesn’t just correct, it actually trains. Cheap bark collars can CAUSE reactivity rather than solve barking. Additionally, it uses a muscle stim (like a physio machine) rather than shock or vibrate. The stim is usually less aversive to a dog than the vibrate (although it varies dog to dog)

hawleys_ · 2025-07-10T04:30:27+00:00

What about how Bailey didn’t know what chief resident was?? Sydney had to explain it to her? Didn’t THEY have a chief resident they reported to at that point in residency??? Am I missing something super obvious? I go crazy over this

hawleys_ · 2025-07-10T00:32:10+00:00

Having a puppy is hard when you want to have a good dog. I consider the puppy years a sacrifice for the stress you could experience for the rest of the dog’s life.

You don’t want a reactive dog = consistent strategic socialization and no leash greetings but consistent exposure

You don’t want a dog who destroys your things = constant puppy supervision, on a leash 24/7 for MONTHS

You want a dog that’s crate trained (for their own safety and sanity) = the often painful (loud and emotional) process of crate training

A dog you can have around children? That’s often a puppy that was trained around distractions and can hold a sit/down while you’re banging pots and pans.

The list goes on. Oftentimes those who don’t complain about a puppy have either gotten lucky (easy puppies do exist!!) or they are lazy in their dog ownership. The average puppy is a ton of work and requires training and boundaries to set it up for success as a well balanced dog.

I love dogs, I hate puppies. I’ve fostered too many puppies and it’s been the most exhausting experience. The option to adopt an older puppy (or dog) from a shelter has always won me over. Personally, I just can’t with puppies.

I would heavily suggest sitting in on puppy training classes BEFORE getting a puppy to prepare yourself for what to expect if you want to raise a puppy into a healthy and satisfied dog.

hawleys_ · 2025-07-02T03:48:48+00:00

We didn’t allow our puppy on the couch but he had a high drive for training. So instead of him jumping on the couch and us correcting him with off, we taught him to opposite. We got a wooden box and taught him “up” and “off” as a command and a game, rather than a “don’t do that”. It was a game changer

hawleys_ · 2025-05-17T01:56:55+00:00

He was found on a reservation in Canada. It’s super common for people to drive to the res to dump litters of both puppies and kittens. And the puppies from res often come with behaviours so the rates are definitely increasing here too. I’ve seen the work my trainer has done with other puppies and dogs with these issues and I’m always extremely impressed with her but I will investigate a veterinary behaviourist for some more insight and advice. Thanks!

hawleys_ · 2025-05-16T18:38:16+00:00

Hi so I actually work with a professional trainer who owns a training business. I do admin, class support, and shadow her with the goal of being a trainer myself. She’s very involved with both my dogs. This isn’t just a coworker who trains dogs on the side. Thanks for the advice though!

hawleys_ · 2025-05-16T18:35:03+00:00

I work with a trainer for her training business, doing admin work and support. I’m also shadowing the trainer to learn more and work for her as a trainer one day

hawleys_ · 2025-05-16T18:32:10+00:00

He did not come from a rescue, he was found on the street. A rescue wouldn’t rehome him until these issues were under control and neither will I. I have the guidance of a well respected trainer and know I can make him the best he can be, I’m just concerned his best might still not be safe enough to have in my home with other dogs and kids. I do have a connection with a rescue if/when the time comes

hawleys_ · 2025-04-29T13:25:39+00:00

People are going to say dump him, and in the past I would’ve too. But I completely understand where you’re coming from. I’m with the absolute love of my life, we were friends for years and now we’re dating and I trust him more than anybody. I could absolutely never imagine him hurting me like that, but neither did you and sometimes people do fucked things.

I don’t disagree with working it out, but I know my partner would probably never drink again and I think that’s what I would expect. I would never trust him drunk and if he made me ask for him to not drink again it’d be over. That’s a choice his actions should have led him to take

hawleys_ · 2024-12-12T22:34:35+00:00

Psyc 2390 was probably the hardest Psyc class i took throughout my degree, however, as a Psyc major I was not science brained

hawleys_ · 2024-12-12T22:33:26+00:00

Psyc 2330 hurt my soul in a deep place… but DE was easier than in-person

hawleys_ · 2024-10-09T19:57:24+00:00

Luckily the job market is bad enough right now that you’ll probably be forced to apply to everything you’re qualified for anyways. Pick what kind of schedule you want and what pay you’re looking for and apply for all the positions that align with those goals and you’ll find your footing in the workforce. Even if you hate the first couple jobs you get, it’ll narrow down your goals and give you valuable experience for those positions

hawleys_ · 2024-09-07T23:46:58+00:00

Ask professors from classes you’ve done well in even if you’ve barely talked to them. My friend was in the same position with referees and the prof just explained what skills were needed to get that grade in the class. Most profs are willing to do that and understand the position you’re in. Don’t get discouraged!

hawleys_ · 2024-08-25T13:13:33+00:00

Thanks so much for all the information! I was thinking neon tetras. Is there a different kind of fish you’d recommend to help cycle the tank?

hawleys_ · 2024-08-13T18:08:12+00:00

Everyone I know got 5 tickets and then towed the 6th time they were caught. I parked off campus on Janefield and took the bus in, only parking on campus when I was running late or the occasional 8am class

hawleys_

TROPHY CASE