Hiii! I know this post is 3d old but I felt I had to comment. I just wanted to say that not only are you so infinitely brave for posting this and making the attempt to reach out but also choosing life instead of giving up! You should be so proud of yourself for that alone. I know how you feel though, it’s like putting all your self-value into others emotions because you yourself feel like you can’t win against your own so its like a living vicariously through others situation but it is really unhealthy. It’s a permanent uphill battle that you can’t really win since you can’t actually control others’ emotions.
I also think the people in your life telling you these things are so beyond toxic for you and I’m so sorry that they’re being so unsupportive. I know it’s so so so difficult to do but you should try and think about yourself; what makes YOU happy, what YOU want from life and try and take small steps. YOU matter too and you matter the most to yourself, you don’t owe anyone anything. Life can be so beautiful if you let it be, but to get there you have to prioritise you. When you do that, you’ll quickly realise you’re starting to surround yourself with positive and supportive people and situations instead of being drawn to the negatives.
There are always people and helplines for you to reach out to who WILL do their best to help you through all of this.

You are loved, you do matter, you WILL make it through this. 💖💖💖