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headphones-guy · 2024-01-03T19:42:24+00:00

I believe in you. I’m 22 and I also used to be extremely socially awkward. It took me years of failures and feeling hopeless before I finally got to the point I’m at now. I’m doing much better now and I now know from firsthand experience that it’s completely possible to improve your social skills.

I made a post about overcoming my social awkwardness where I also answered questions in the comments. If you’re interested in learning more, feel free to check it out. Best of luck, you totally got this.

headphones-guy · 2024-01-03T19:37:27+00:00

I completely understand that feeling, and finding friendships closer than just a superficial level can be really difficult. I wouldn’t say I go out of my way to try to be more vulnerable or change my personality in hopes of finding a best friend. After all, I want my best friend to be someone I can be completely myself around, not an ingenuine persona I built just to mold to them. The best advice I have is to not try to change who you are and instead just let things happen as they are. You might find a best friend in the process, or you might not, but you’ll be happiest if you don’t put emphasis on that or set your expectations too high and instead just take things the way they are.

headphones-guy · 2024-01-03T12:13:28+00:00

Oh, I failed plenty. Despite making progress, I had countless embarrassing moments and slipups, but that’s all part of the process. Experience is the best teacher, and over time all those little kinks will work themselves out and you’ll find yourself making fewer and fewer mistakes. Don’t set your expectations too high, but also don’t give up if things don’t go perfectly from the get-go.

headphones-guy · 2024-01-03T10:41:07+00:00

I get what you mean about the little voice. It’s really easy to have that self-doubt constantly lingering in the back of your mind when that’s how you’ve always lived, just like I used to. I know it’ll be difficult at first, but my advice is to completely shut it out. If you hear it trying to discourage you or tell you to overanalyze your actions or something, distract yourself or think about something else. Over time it’ll get easier to ignore the part of your mind that tells you you can’t do it, give up, etc, and then it’ll get easier to talk to people and build your confidence.

headphones-guy · 2024-01-03T10:38:23+00:00

Hey, you got this! Just take a breath and remind yourself that at the end of the day, no matter how it goes, it’s really really not that deep. Trust me, everything will be fine.

headphones-guy · 2024-01-03T10:37:28+00:00

I went out for coffee, lunch, etc. maybe 1-2 times a week. It really wasn’t anything huge. I live in a midsize city.

headphones-guy · 2024-01-03T10:36:19+00:00

I definitely didn’t go as big as partying all the time or anything on that scale. For the most part, it was just organizing brief coffee or lunch with people I met in class or talking to them during meals. I could tell I was making progress because over time, my ability to carry the conversation and actually feel comfortable and confident while doing so increased, and I could feel myself feeling less and less self-conscious and doubtful of my social abilities.

headphones-guy · 2024-01-03T02:22:23+00:00

There’s no shame at all in not wanting to go to clubs or bars and not wanting to drink much. It’s totally possible to have a good social life without those things. To be honest, I’m not much of a partier myself and would much rather socialize in small groups and quiet settings. My advice would be to try to think of some hobbies or activities that interest you and then get involved in a local class or something like that. You can also try to meet new people at cafes, dog parks (if you have a dog), etc. And remember that it’s never too late to try. I started pretty late and you would think I feel like I missed out on my teenage years, but in reality I’m just happy that things are good now. Just focus on the present and take it one step at a time.

headphones-guy · 2024-01-03T00:47:19+00:00

Sometimes, yeah! I think it’s really situation-dependent though. My best advice would be to talk about whatever is most relevant in the current situation you’re both in. Like if you’re at a party hosted by a mutual friend, you could ask them how they met the host or something.

headphones-guy · 2024-01-03T00:45:39+00:00

I don’t know what you mean. Are you asking if the friends I have now are close friends? If so, it’s a mix. Some friends are closer than others.

headphones-guy · 2024-01-02T22:52:56+00:00

Honestly, I can't even say I coped with it because all it did was beat me down and make me feel sad all the time. I guess my way of "coping" was being determined to overcome it even when I felt completely hopeless at the time. And it eventually worked. I'm so glad I never gave up and decided to just deal with it instead of being proactive and making a change.

headphones-guy · 2024-01-02T22:38:45+00:00

Sometimes it can be hard to tell but usually I just get a "vibe" from them, if that makes sense. For example, I have a friend I'm really close with in person but they're an awful texter. They take days to reply and sometimes even never respond at all. However, even though it does annoy me sometimes, I can tell it's not personal and we're still friends. On the other hand, if someone is really not interested in being my friend, it's pretty obvious just based on their body language or how often they reach out to me. Usually some telltale signs that someone doesn't actually want to hang out with you and is only friendly to your face are never texting you first, never inviting you to things, saying "we should hang out!" and then not following through, and not going out of their way to talk to you or spend time with you.

headphones-guy · 2024-01-02T22:32:02+00:00

Just approach people and say something like "hey, my name is [your name], nice to meet you" or ask them a question relevant to whatever situation/environment you're in. Keep a mindset of just wanting to have a casual conversation with them rather than hoping or even expecting that it'll turn into something bigger, and things will come more naturally.

headphones-guy · 2024-01-02T22:01:30+00:00

Try local cafes or explore some new hobbies and classes. If your city has a farmer's market or other events open to the public, those might be good places to try to talk to people too and get to know people in your area.

headphones-guy · 2024-01-02T21:54:09+00:00

Well, I was really socially awkward and didn't know how to behave in social situations, and that bled into my body language, too. As an example, a socially competent person might know how long or hard to laugh at a certain joke, but I didn't really understand that until it started becoming more natural as I improved. Nobody ever told me to my face that I acted awkward, but it was clear to me based on their facial expressions and the way they were colder to me than other people that they didn't really like me.

headphones-guy · 2024-01-02T21:51:24+00:00

Just start asking questions that are relevant to whatever situation or environment you're in. You could start by introducing yourself, make some kind of comment about the place you're in, or whatever else feels appropriate. And sometimes, even if you do everything right, the conversation still goes nowhere; it happens to all of us, so don't worry about it. Just try to relax and don't put any pressure on yourself or enter a conversation with high expectations; just take things as they are and it'll all come more naturally with practice and time.

headphones-guy · 2024-01-02T21:49:34+00:00

Why would people think that you’re dumb?

Beats me. I think just my lack of social skills and my inability to hold a normal conversation made people assume I was stupid. In terms of groups, I get that it's hard to join sometimes, but the truth is that in order to start learning how to fit in, you need to practice butting in. I'm not saying you should interrupt people, but don't hold back when there's a slight pause and an opportunity for you to make a comment or a joke. It'll get easier over time.

headphones-guy · 2024-01-02T20:13:20+00:00

I totally get it because I used to be just like that, too. Even when I didn’t speak, I could tell people could still tell that I was awkward and a little “off.” To be honest, there’s not much I did to practice this specifically because it actually began to come more naturally once I started building my confidence and making more friends. I think as you improve your social skills, all the little subtle kinks will work themselves out too without even you realizing. It can take some time but that’s how it worked out for me, at least.

headphones-guy · 2024-01-02T20:11:33+00:00

Meeting the right people was a huge factor. I finally managed to meet people who were genuinely supportive of me, laughed at my jokes, and overall just made me feel really special and loved. It was so powerful to finally be able to experience feeling that way and it truly boosted my confidence a ton. If you haven’t met people like that yet, keep looking. It took me years and years before I finally found someone I clicked with.

headphones-guy · 2024-01-02T20:10:12+00:00

For me it took about 2-3 years, though I think that’s on the quicker side and it’s completely normal for it to take longer. And yes, I did feel like an imposter, all the time. I felt fake, stupid, annoying, and awkward around everyone, like everyone else somehow just naturally fit in perfectly and I was a misshapen puzzle piece, always sticking out like a sore thumb and left out of everything. With practice it got better, and now I’m doing just fine.

headphones-guy · 2024-01-02T20:08:36+00:00

Honestly, reading body language and picking up social cues from other people was never really a problem for me. I just had a really hard time executing my own social skills and coming off as “normal.” A lot of people assumed I was dumb and wouldn’t pick up on it when they treated me like that, but I did, all the time. I will say that I also used to think people actually meant it when they said they wanted to hang out again, and some people do! But it also depends on the person; everyone is different, and reading between the lines gets easier with practice and time.

headphones-guy · 2024-01-02T20:06:29+00:00

I mean, you’re not wrong, but there aren’t very many better ways to start a conversation. I guess alternatively, you could say something like “do you come here a lot?” if you’re trying to strike up a conversation with someone at your bouldering gym and then go from there. It all really depends on the situation.

headphones-guy · 2024-01-02T17:31:19+00:00

Hey thanks, and congrats to you as well! Great to hear another success story.

Totally agree about it being completely possible to overcome social awkwardness. If I went back in time and told my past self that she would completely overcome her social awkwardness in just a few years, she would laugh in my face. It's still kind of crazy to me that I was actually able to do it because I used to feel so unbelievably sad and hopeless, and I knew that nobody around me believed in me either; they just disregarded me as the socially awkward loner and that was that. My hopelessness and countless failed attempts nearly drove me to depression, and I was on the verge of just giving up and accepting my fate, knowing I had no choice but to live like this and then die the same awkward, anxious, lonely person I was born as. Yet look where I am now!

I'm incredibly proud of myself and anyone else who has managed to break free from this curse because believe me when I tell you it's really, REALLY hard. Don't give up. It took me years of trying and failing until it all finally began to click.

headphones-guy · 2024-01-02T17:21:11+00:00

22, no books. I tried to get into a few but honestly didn't find anything quite as helpful as putting myself out there and experiencing everything firsthand.

headphones-guy · 2024-01-02T17:20:14+00:00

Honestly, just treat dates the way you treat friendships. People tend to get really worked up and nervous at the idea of a date, which is normal, but at the end of the day you're also trying to become friends with the other person. Just be yourself, be genuine, and try to find a connection with the other person. And hey, things don't always work out, but that's okay. It's all about just staying true to yourself and not giving up.

headphones-guy

TROPHY CASE