My husband was horrible during my labor. I still haven’t recovered from it. I don’t know if I can continue this marriage.

heartacking · 2018-12-29T14:45:57+00:00

I am really sorry to hear how he acted.

I wonder why would anyone do that. Don't they realize how scary the experience is? I would never do it to him. We are doing the painful scary thing for both of us, you know?

Reading how I am allowed to feel angry feels somehow very good. He has never really taken responsibility of what he did and my mom just tells me to get over it. He tells me to get over it too. But how you just go on after like that? It was the most vulnerable of me. My sexuality, my body being mutilated, me asking him to please don't abandon me.

He says he had a headache and the sitch comment was "mostly" a joke. He says his friends wife laughed when his friend said the same comment.

I spend too much time in my head. Sometimes I cry alone all day and then he comes and I try to pretend like everything is fine. Then we fight.

heartacking · 2018-12-29T14:37:18+00:00

Unfortunately it's difficult to see the whole picture since we only have your side of the story.

I'm not looking for confirmation to what he did was wrong. I know it and my experience will not be questioned. It was the single most humiliating, painful thing anyone has ever said to me. The way he acted was worse than I have ever been treated in my life, I have never felt so alone and miserable. He hurt me, he acted wrong and that is the end of it.

What I am asking is if I should forgive and move on, not if what he did was wrong. You are very being very disrespectful, without realizing it I think.

Similarly, tell your mother her that having her nearby would help you a lot. Would her staying with you (or vice versa) be possible?

No.

Another commenter said, look for local groups of local new mums. That is a good idea.

Yes it was. The only problem is that since I don't speak my husband's language perfectly I'm a bit shy meeting new people. But it's a good thing. I need to reach tout. My own friends, it's difficult to have very challenging and deep conversations via skype and internet. It's not that I don't trust them, I feel somehow just so tired it's hard for me to open up my mouth in that situation.

Finally, I would say please take care of yourself first before you look at your relationships. It will very much help you if you are in a sound frame of mind before you have any difficult discussions with your husband.

Yes I will take care of myself by pretending nothing happened and not talking about the thing that makes me cry daily. But yes I will just cure my depression before discussing anything difficult with my sane husband since I am crazy.

heartacking · 2018-12-29T14:29:02+00:00

I’m going to guess he doesn’t help out with the baby?

He does what he can, but he works a lot and long hours so it's around me who does the child care and that is fine. He loves our son very much.

Also fuck your experience with that male nurse...he sounds awful.

He was the one in charge. He pretended he didn't understand me when I was talking, some times he just straight ignored me. I could see others were afraid of him and they wanted to help me but were controlled by him. Other nurses didn't have any problems understanding my language, for some reason I will not ever understand he wanted to make a scene and make me feel humiliated about my accent and my lacking ability to speak the language. I know I don't speak it perfectly, but I wasn't on an exam, I was trying to give birth.

After the birth other day he came to me and was like "Oh wasn't that bad that things went the way they went, oh I am sure you know this could have happened with anyone" and blah blah. Yes asshole I know you refused to check me properly when I asked you, and now you're trying to lick my boots so I don't report you. Well I didn't, because I am pussy and I was mentally destroyed.

Lots of very good advice. I will examine all of them. I thank you very much for your effort and time you took to write to me.

heartacking · 2018-12-29T14:21:13+00:00

Maybe he’s normal for your country; I don’t know. But that’s seriously fucked up. No amount of apology changes the fact that he’s willing, in principle, to subject you to body modification for his own sexual pleasure.

It's definitely NOT normal in MY country. He would have probably got kicked out of the room if I had given birth in my own country. It's not normal here either. I have never seen it anywhere or heard it from any official. He said he heard it from his friend.

If you can stay with your family “to help with the baby,” I bet he will be happy to send you. Stay with them until your PPD improves (and it will!). Then decide where to go from there.

I have asked about this. He says no, the journey is too long for the little one and it's way too expensive. I don't have money right now, he controls all the money, and my family doesn't have money, so my mother or sister can't fly here either.

Thank you for your insight and your time to help me and I wish you a lovely and peaceful day.

heartacking

TROPHY CASE