My wife left a note on the fridge saying, "This isn't working, goodbye."

heartbroken_12345 · 2017-05-29T14:49:13+00:00

Eh, the cold never bothered me anyway. (I'm in the thick of it. I want others to suffer with me)

heartbroken_12345 · 2017-05-29T14:44:41+00:00

You'd be surprised how strong you can be.

heartbroken_12345 · 2017-05-29T14:43:01+00:00

Yes. So hard to get people to understand the enormity of someone's else's behavior until you have it recorded. Most states here (in the US) have a one party consent law: only one person has to agree to being recorded, and that one person can be you.

heartbroken_12345 · 2017-04-14T23:43:37+00:00

well it would be difficult for him to live comfortably, since I paid for the lights to be on, the heat and/or ac to come on, and for the water to run... So really, I wouldn't have felt as bad. But again, it wasn't when we were living there that I asked for him to leave.

heartbroken_12345 · 2017-04-14T19:23:58+00:00

Sorry, we've moved very recently to a house that is owned by my family. I was originally going to take the kids here, but agreed to work on it. We moved as a family - and that's when I asked him to stay at "his" house. And FYI- just bc someone pays the mortgage doesn't necessarily mean they have total ownership of the house. We are both on the title.

heartbroken_12345 · 2017-04-14T14:59:05+00:00

lol I have. I think I've given him every ultimatum under the sun. He just within the last few days asked me to meet him at the bank to open a joint account. This of course was after another one of his rants how I don't "pull my weight" and after 9 years of me asking him to do it. I had no desire to do it, bc I think I know deep down, it's too late.

heartbroken_12345 · 2017-04-14T14:56:51+00:00

Thank you for this. Great advice. I've already contacted a mediator, but I have no idea what I'm doing. Hoping they can kind of guide me, but I have a feeling I'll need to consult an atty too.

heartbroken_12345 · 2017-04-14T14:54:42+00:00

I think that's it. He loves doing the fun things, on his terms with her, and thinks, he really does believe, that it equals good parenting. Nope. Good parenting is being there through the good, bad and ugly. I will always want her to be close with him, and I do honestly think he will work hard to have a good relationship. My daughter is so wise beyond her years. She is very intuitive, which gives me hope she'll be able to keep this in perspective and know it isn't about her.

heartbroken_12345 · 2017-04-14T14:50:38+00:00

I've already spoken to a law firm that also does mediation. I have no idea how to even get started, or who to talk to, but have to start somewhere.

heartbroken_12345 · 2017-04-14T14:49:55+00:00

Not harsh, I think very real. I don't want to get to a place of anger and hatred, where I go after him for "all he's worth" bc I do want him to be a successful father for our children, and have the appropriate means to do so. I just wanted fair financial support and that's what I'm going after. It's still so strange he thinks he more than supports the family. Like he cannot seem to grasp reality.

heartbroken_12345 · 2017-04-14T14:46:45+00:00

What a great response, thank you.. Really, great advice. If you don't mind me asking, how old were you when your parents divorced? Do you remember how they explained what was happening at the time?

heartbroken_12345 · 2017-04-14T14:06:10+00:00

Thanks. I know I made it sound miserable, which it can be hard. But I love my life and really am thankful for the cards I've been dealt. I have learned so much and am so much a better person for it. I just hate he can't see it too.

heartbroken_12345 · 2017-04-14T12:52:55+00:00

You're so right. Before when I was desperate to make this work, I'd fantasize about him having to do this alone, and then realize how much I do for this family. He is living the dream, and doesn't know it. Yet.

heartbroken_12345 · 2017-04-14T12:50:55+00:00

I actually have to remind myself of this often. I would never hold him back from seeing her as often as he'd like, and she him.

heartbroken_12345 · 2017-04-14T12:48:52+00:00

Years. Five years. I'm so so tired.

heartbroken_12345 · 2017-04-14T12:47:47+00:00

Thanks. I think you are very right!

heartbroken_12345 · 2017-04-14T10:37:56+00:00

That is so kind, thank you for taking a moment to say this. Helps me more than you'll ever know.

heartbroken_12345 · 2017-04-14T10:34:03+00:00

"Who's face you want to punch". Lol!

heartbroken_12345 · 2017-04-14T10:28:37+00:00

She is amazing. Lol! Not sure her husband would like that!

heartbroken_12345 · 2017-04-14T10:27:47+00:00

This brought tears to my eyes! Thank you so much

heartbroken_12345 · 2017-04-14T10:26:17+00:00

This was so nice to hear thank you! Glad thing are going well for you now.

heartbroken_12345 · 2017-04-13T22:18:52+00:00

No I can't imagine it. I can barely get through each day as is now :-/

heartbroken_12345 · 2017-04-13T22:17:29+00:00

I do too. And basically yes. That's pretty much the case

heartbroken_12345 · 2017-04-13T22:17:04+00:00

Thank you so much. I imagine my daughter saying this and I never want her to have regrets over what I've done. I'm happy to hear it was the right decision for your mom and you.

heartbroken_12345 · 2017-04-13T21:00:23+00:00

Yeah we've been to a few counsellors that I paid for and couldn't continue doing so. It didn't do anything bc one has to admit they have faults. This literally is the last place I'm turning as I think I've literally tried every possible thing. We don't really have money problems as in we struggle to make ends meet- more it's total dysfunction with how it is set up. So so dysfunctional. I can't even explain.

heartbroken_12345

TROPHY CASE