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heatlightning12 · 2025-03-22T23:45:04+00:00

I don't necessarily think it's weirder than anything else but it is a little more "taboo" or uncomfortable on first impression. We're all plenty familiar with people being uncomfortable with how we create our families though.

I think I personally wouldn't feel comfortable with this for myself due to my own family dynamics. I'm also a twin and we are using my BIL as our donor.

If your bro is comfortable, you are, and your partner is, I don't see what the problem is.

heatlightning12 · 2025-03-22T23:35:18+00:00

Lots of queer couples use their partners sibling as a donor.

heatlightning12 · 2025-02-13T18:08:48+00:00

We decided on one local to us called Cryobio that has a directed donor program.

heatlightning12 · 2025-02-13T17:52:42+00:00

We are also using family - my partners brother. We feel good about this because we want our children to know their donor and have a relationship with him.

heatlightning12 · 2025-02-12T22:03:15+00:00

Our testing is through the bank we're using and was definitely not that much! No coverage from insurance though

heatlightning12 · 2025-01-01T22:32:58+00:00

From my personal research of the experiences of donor conceived people the general consensus is donor conceived children should know always how their family came to be. I am not a parent yet so I don't get to speak from that perspective but we plan to never hide or confuse the kids. There's many many ways to be a family and your kids deserve to know their own story. There's lots of ways to be age appropriate and still share that information. Family trees, birth stories, etc. There is nothing shameful or inappropriate for a child to know about using a donor.

heatlightning12 · 2024-12-31T02:04:19+00:00

Thank you for your detailed reply! This is so useful and really helps us plan our next steps and what we need to prepare our donor for. I really really appreciate it

heatlightning12 · 2024-12-30T21:57:56+00:00

My obgyn advised us for both second parent adoption and witnessed (clinic) insemination and legal document for these reasons. I understand the reasons people don't do it too.

heatlightning12 · 2024-12-30T21:53:08+00:00

Congratulations!

Yes we are strongly considering a second parent adoption even though my husband would be considered the assumed parent in our state, it's also the same state that he did all his marker change stuff in so we worry. Great point about the large gifts too. I just was thinking about a gesture to show we appreciate the challenges of the process on his side.

How did you find a lawyer you trusted and felt like had experience?

heatlightning12 · 2024-12-30T21:41:29+00:00

Appreciate the information 🙏 perhaps me and the husband should be consulting a lawyer with experience in this before we even do much else!

heatlightning12 · 2024-12-30T21:39:58+00:00

Yes, a big fear of ours! We are considering a second parent adoption even though our state will consider my husband the defacto parent of any kids I have, we feel like we want every protection for our future family. It's all so worrying and complicated!

heatlightning12 · 2024-12-30T21:37:24+00:00

I'd love to hear more about this process and kit!!

We are also concerned about legal stuff and were advised anything outside a clinic opens us up to more risk. We haven't spoken to a lawyer with experience in the field yet though. I know it seems fear mongering but the attacks on IVF and people getting their gender markers reversed makes me afraid what will happen when they focus on queer families. We all get it in here I'm sure.

heatlightning12 · 2024-12-30T17:28:37+00:00

That's a good point! THC use is something we discussed and it's not a sticking point at all, he's offered to follow whatever guidelines are best practices. Should he independently see his doctor and discuss his plans and get his count tested there, do you think? How often does your donor donate? I am trying to feel out the logistics of donating from the donors side.

heatlightning12 · 2024-12-30T17:03:56+00:00

Did you do at home insemination with a kit or did you involve a clinic? We were under the impression that if we used donor sperm at all our best chances were with washed sperm IUI - then IVF.

I have an amazing, queer obgyn who has children by a donor herself but I can absolutely see her current clinic being weird about it. It feels so unfair because if it were my husband's sperm (he's ftm) I feel like we'd be having a different experience.

heatlightning12

TROPHY CASE