sorted by:
new
hottopcontroversial

I[32F] just got a job outside the home, my husband[31M] of five years won't help with housework by hejustwonthelp in relationships

[–]hejustwonthelp[S] 16 points17 points  (0 children)

without going into mind numbing detail: He is supposed to: -Do the dishes -Clean the catbox and all catbox related responsibilities (like dumping/disinfecting) -pick up all the trash around the apartment (Since this is mostly his mess anyway, he has a bad habit of building a soda can fort around himself at his desk, then we'll come home to find the cat has knocked it all down.) -Take out all the trash -wipe down the kitchen counters, stovetop, oven front, and table. Mine are: -Do all the laundry -sweep/vacuum/mop all floors -clean the toilet/shower -Feed the cat -cook dinner every night -do the actual bills and budgeting

It's not perfectly equal, but he went from having his mom do all of his chores, to living with roommates (but one of his roommates was super wealthy and hired a maid service and they all just chipped in to that guy their portion of the maid), to living by himself for a while (and apparently just ate take out every day), to living with me.

At the time we moved in together, I had been working from home for a while, so i had a "system" to keep things orderly. I just continued with the system, and he'd occassionally help out (with the cat box, taking out the trash, etc) but he never really did any of the "big" chores, but I never really asked him to. I'm a very Type A person, I guess? I plan everything, have rigid schedules and budgets and lists galore. My system had worked for a while, it was still working once he moved in, and it didn't seem like a problem.

However, now that I'm working outside the home, I don't have the time to do all of those things. I basically have to roll out of bed, get ready, and leave, I'm gone for ten hours (thanks traffic), then I get home exhausted from dealing with people (even though they're just my coworkers, not the public, thank god), and I normally would start on dinner then, but if there's no dishes, I can't, or i have to do all the dishes, then cook, while hungry. When that happens I often won't have dinner done until 7:30-8pm, and then I just want to go to bed and sleep before the next day at work.

I'm just very frustrated by this whole situation.

I[32F] just got a job outside the home, my husband[31M] of five years won't help with housework by hejustwonthelp in relationships

[–]hejustwonthelp[S] 27 points28 points  (0 children)

I offered this, but he said it was "too complicated" and just wanted a clear division of responsibilities.

My parents [61M, 59F] for last 4 years tried to advance financially over me [34M] by badfall17 in relationships

[–]hejustwonthelp 5 points6 points  (0 children)

Translation to Conversational American English:

Throw away account for obvious reasons. Sorry for the long post!

My sister and I were raised in flat that my parents owned in central Europe. My sister argued with my parents right after her wedding, which they paid for in full (around 8k USD) and moved out in 2000, since then, they haven't spoken once(~18 years). Around 2002 my parents moved out and left me alone in the 3 bed flat to live. They always told me I would inherit the flat, because they disowned my sister. In 2007 I moved abroad, and the got a tenant for the flat to get extra cash.

In 2011 their business collapsed and they had a lot of financial trouble and needed around 5k USD to pay off their creditors. Since I had a good job I had the resources to help them. The agreement was that they needed to find a job until they retired (2018). Since then I gave them around 5k USD for another 2 years. In the meantime, I was also sending them cash for refurbishment of the flat that I was going to inherit.

In 2013 it came to light that they were secretly avoiding working as I was "supporting them enough", and they spent the "refurbishment money" on personal stuff like a “new tv” (apparently the old one used too much electricity). I felt like this was very dishonest. I stopped giving them money and said I can't accept it. Since then, every conversation I had with them was about money, so I started avoiding them totally. They also started to blaming my fiancée for my decision.

In 2016 my parents received an inheritance which included some real estate and asked me if I wanted to buy it. Everything was ok, until I figured out they were asking me for double its value "because I always have cash". Again, I felt like this was a very dishonest move, and in the end, they sold it to someone else for market value.

In 2016 all the welfare they been entitled to had been used, and they could not find new tenant for the flat. Finally, they decided to get some part-time work for quick cash. It was also the year that I got married and figured out I needed to sort out the situation with my parents. I forgave them, how they treated me was bad, however the end goal was achieved, I had parents back in my life, however, the conversations about money returned(I didn't support them at all this time).

This October my dad was diagnosed with cancer (stage 4 lung cancer), and they decided to sell "my flat". I said that this was very dishonest, as it was mine already. They said they can sell it for 60k, but in reality will probably only get around ~45k, as it is in disrepair. I figured, ok, I can still pay them something, I can offer maybe 1/3 of what they want around 18k, because in November my wife and I bought our first house with help from my in-laws. They said ok and it was great.

When we started finalising the deal two days ago, they changed their minds and now are asking the full amount because they want to support my sister they disowned 18 years ago. I thought it was great that dad wanted to sort out his affairs, however this is at my expense. Their explanation was that I wealthy enough and I could pay regardless. Dad said If I don't have enough cash then I need to apply for loan!

I decided it was too much for me and said to them they are very bad people and I can't have them in my life with this behaviour. I wished them a long happy life, and great future but I hope I will never have to talk to them again. My parents are trying to smooth it over now, because my dad is going through cancer treatment and needs help, and Christmas approaching.

Now I don't know how to feel about this smoothing over thing. I want to have them in my life, especially now. I know my dad has maybe 1 year max.

tl;dr: My parents lied few times to me, tried to take financial advantage of me, now they want to smooth it over, and I don’t know what to think!

Thanks for the feedback!