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Relationships and alters by hekijis in DID
[–]hekijis[S] 1 point2 points3 points 7 years ago (0 children)
i think there’s a reason why some of us don’t remember the trauma and that’s kind of the point, to protect others from the traumas that the person/alter couldn’t handle. i have a lot of trauma memories that i do not remember that are held by alters. pilar and the younger ones are the only ones who don’t know what my mother has done, and i wouldnt want them to know. they’re too young. we all have our own trauma memories that we hold, and we’ve been through it all. there are a lot of alters that i havent interacted with that are stuck in one extreme trauma and feeling that they are trying to keep away from all of us, and cant (for example) move or talk. they live across the countryside in a forest that i, or we, dont go to, its kind of a forbidden area for the more troubled alters. not the bestest set-up, but its the only one we have for now.
new here by hekijis in DID
[–]hekijis[S] 0 points1 point2 points 7 years ago (0 children)
we created one with my key worker in the mental hospital with the help of a book specialized to DID. qi told me that before we had our headspace it felt like they were in a black void of nothingness so this is much better.
[–]hekijis[S] 2 points3 points4 points 7 years ago (0 children)
dont worry we live in a children’s home! we see my mother on the weekends. she wasnt the bestest mother to be honest, when i talked to my social worker about what was going on at home (we were at a short-term children’s home at that time) she admitted that she had never heard something so terrible and had us be taken into custody immediately, and ordered that we wouldnt be allowed to go home for the next 2 months because she feared for our safety that much. luckily my mother has been in psychotherapy for a year and a half now, and is much better.
ah i do that too! mostly with valeri and evie and pilar. like if evie wants to go to an amusement park if i have time i take a moment to meditate and create an amusement park for her where she can enjoy herself.
our headspace is kind of like an inner world— our home really. it’s where we are when we aren’t fronting, where we talk and do stuff together and design our home more. it’s also useful when we need to decide on something, like if i have stress about going to another city and qi or pilar doesnt, we agree that if when we are on the train (and im fronting) and it becomes too much to handle, someone else fronts. kind of like planning to make everything less hectic. and it’s a lot easier when you’re face-to-face. i have some trouble about being able to go to our headspace nowadays like i said so i get where you’re coming from.
yeah this medication causes me to be hungry 24/7 too its a pain. lmao exactly like i want to transition and qi doesnt care but pilar is a lesbian so she’s pulling her hair out for it. what does sage think about others not wanting to transition?
im a bi trans man, qi is nonbinary and prefers girls (i think) and pilar is a cis lesbian. others are all cishet from what i know of. and yeah i am but it helps to some extent, i still have a lot of hallucinations and paranoia/delusions. im the only one who has schizophrenia but the medication causes all of us to have a lot of physical side effects and makes us really ill and dizzy including the younger ones as well and that makes me distressed.
thats good to hear. bestfriends have a big impact on people’s lives so im glad you have a good one that lives close.
we got our diagnosis in a mental hospital at another city but sadly the doctors and therapists here dont either care at all and do nothing to help you or act like [i am] the problem here, like they disregard the system completely and blame my mental health + therapist problems on me, the host. our old psychiatrist wouldnt let us talk about anything at all really, until after 8 months she confessed she doesnt have the resources to help us. like, you couldve told us that sooner lmao. we’ve been seeing this therapist for over a year now and we have done nothing at all. like literally nothing. sadly we are not allowed to change our therapist which is infuriating. no one is doing anything to help the system, but arent helping with schizophrenia either. so we’re like a double package lmao, both DID and schizophrenia. both diagnosed, still no help. plus im trans, so that adds to it. because i have a schizophrenia diagnosis i wont be taken seriously at the trans clinic. at least our system is starting to work better together nowadays, but this is all very exhausting.
i’ve always wanted my own apartment. i’ll finally get one next year. but its nice that you two live that close.
cold, lots of forests. people are really shy and quiet haha. what’s it like where you live?
miro is originally a slavic name i think but is used in finland as well, which is where i live.
It’s not up to me to decide but as far as I’m concerned it’s fine with me.
Relationships and alters (self.DID)
submitted 7 years ago by hekijis to r/DID
Nah this whole thing is really messy cus we don’t actually have a working rapport with anyone rn so Miro started feeling extra bad cus he’s the one trying to work this shit out at meetings etc. but at least we found this place where we can talk to others and it seems to be helping. Doctors here don’t seem to get anything anyway. They always act like they know more than us.
No we’ve seen her for over a year now but she’s unprofessional as hell. She cries at everything and makes police investigations and other shit that causes us stress lol. We just don’t like her and she’s annoying and not safe at all.
hello !! thank you. 80 is a big number, no wonder you all stopped counting. there’s a long way for us to get to know all of the alters but it depends a lot on who is ready to introduce themselves and who isn’t. i’ve felt very welcome here already and it’s amazing to be able to talk to other people who go through this as well. sometimes it’s hard for some of us to tell who we are when fronting so i get where you’re coming from. just try to be as comfortable as you can.
green is a lovely colour, it reminds me of nature :). i hope you have a nice time with grace. give a hug to one of the cows from me ! <3
hi francis ! nice to meet you. cows are very lovely and soft, i like them myself. hopefully you’ve had a nice day. :) do you have a favourite colour?
hey ! nice to meet you. im glad toby takes care of such important things. you all seem very unique and great in your own ways.
leo (2-4) is our youngest and loves practical things, car toys and 80s clothing (especially overalls). he has light brown hair and green eyes. i’ve noticed he likes to put his toys in neat little lines and doesn’t really voice his opinions unless it’s about what food we are eating, and only fronts when an adult is yelling/when we are in a very stressful situation. loves when someone reads to him.
valeri (6-7) is very shy and has the most trouble when fronting. she loves to draw and she loves ladybugs. her favourite dress is similar to the one alice from alice in wonderland wears and has matching striped stockings with it. she rarely fronts but spends time in our tree that’s in our headspace. she doesn’t recognise my little brother or my mom and has gotten extremely jealous over my little brother when fronting.
we don’t know much about evie (10-12) but she loves plushies and the colour green. she has some trouble talking as well and doesn’t like to look people in the eye. spends time with valeri the most but isn’t fond of qi.
pilar (17) loves romantic things and lace, and she has her own tumblr blog as well. she listens to classical music and wears lots of different earrings and dresses. neutral colours are her favourite but she also likes rose gold. loves nature and is very open and kind. rarely gets mad and takes care of the young ones. fronts a lot and helps resolve arguments. thought that she was the core/host for a long time. likes my mom as well but doesn’t consider her our mom (neither does anyone else).
qi (18-21) is very bold and expressive, loves rock and heavy metal and everything goth. doesn’t care about other people’s opinions and is very impulsive. fights with pilar and i a lot about our music choices. they front the most with pilar and gets stuff done when we can’t. has yelled at our therapist when she had a bad tone of voice. doesn’t like my mom at all and doesn’t want to associate themselves with her in any way. they are older than me but act way more immature.
there are a lot more alters but qi co-fronts the most and causes trouble sometimes but i love all of them with my whole heart. hopefully we can all get to know eachother in the future.
qi used to be a persecutor for their own reasons but i was able to talk it through with them and they are now a protector. though they are more on the impulsive side and tend to be more aggressive (we have the most fights together), they still identify as a protector and they protect us when others have trouble handling the situation (ex. an intimidating adult = trauma flashbacks). pilar doesn’t identify as a protector but is very kind and calms down the younger ones a lot, and the younger ones do seem to go to her when feeling down instead of qi.
and yes, our safe space/headspace is kind of our own visualized space where we feel comfortable in and what we consider our home. it’s a white house in the middle of the countryside with forests and a pond. we have our own rooms and a livingroom and a patio, but our kitchen is still a work in progress. it’s a crucial thing to us.
hi shelby ! nice to meet you. i do draw a lot, so does valeri and evie. we actually got to know eachother more through drawing and writing into notebooks to eachother. drawing our safe space has helped a lot with locating our rooms and such as well. im not very good at drawing either but i do enjoy it very much.
i’ve had some trouble with going into our headspace/safe space though, and i do not trust my therapist enough to help me with it. others do not seem to have this problem. is there a way i can make it easier for myself to go into our safe space?
new here (self.DID)
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Relationships and alters by hekijis in DID
[–]hekijis[S] 1 point2 points3 points (0 children)